Question for sufferers...

[Jillyfromtheblock]

Can you explain to me why, when isolating, a sufferer might answer one text message (something simple, that would require a yes or no answer) but would completely ignore other yes or no answer texts?

Also, is the fact that he's answering ANY texts a good sign?

Thank you :)

 

[Mim28]

Can you explain to me why, when isolating, a sufferer might answer one text message (somethin...

I think it's different for everyone and there could be reasons not tied to the person's current situation, but it could be that sometimes just the simple act of having to respond to texts is too much. Sorry.... I wish I could be more help.

 

[PTSDfree]

It vastly depends on the situation. I only check my phone maybe once or twice a day (sometimes less).

 

[scout86]

With the usual disclaimer that 'every situation is different"......

When I do what you people like to call 'isolating', it's kind of because stuff has gotten overwhelming and I just can't deal with it anymore. It's not a feeling I LIKE. It's not a feeling I'm happy with. It's not a feeling I expect the rest of the universe to tolerate. I am perfectly aware that other people have expectations and that I'm not meeting them. Believe me, I spend a fair amount of time telling myself that my inability to meet their expectations makes me the lowest form of life in the universe. Right up until I really can't take it anymore and decide that, if everyone hates me and wants me out of their lives, I understand it, but at least I don't have to deal with disappointing them anymore. Meanwhile, I usually TRY to meet expectations. Which means some things I might answer and some I might not.

And, you might be surprised at how different yes or no questions can be when it comes to how hard they are to answer. "How is the other person going to take my answer? Will they be disappointed? Will they be angry? Will they think I'm crazy? Is it safe to tell the truth? Is it necessary to spin the truth?" All one word answers are not equivalent.

 

[Jillyfromtheblock]

@scout86 thank you so much for your answer. I thought as much. My sufferer is a medically discharged disabled former Marine with PTSD and chronic pain. I have suffered with chronic pain (and the depression and anxiety that go along with it) for years, so I can understand/empathize with at least a small part of what he is going through as far as becoming overwhelmed and wanting to be alone to decompress. That being said, I won't even begin to pretend I know what PTSD must feel like. I can say that where he's involved, and when he's 'isolating', I don't necessarily have any expectations. I don't for a second think that PTSD sufferers are shutting people out on purpose or for fun. I'm not about to punish him or make him feel worse about something he can't control.

Also, I appreciate his effort to answer any of my texts. Although I try not to send many once I realize that he is isolating. And if I do send anything they are generally statements and not questions. More along the lines of that I hope things are going ok and that I'm here when he's ready.

 

[scout86]

I don't necessarily have any expectations.

Make sure he knows that, if you can. Something that means more to me than I know how to express is knowing that someone is ok with me the way I am, even if they want me to, eventually, be 'better'. It can be very hard to accept yourself. It means the world to know that someone else does. (Good luck to you both!)

 

[VikVikViktorious]

Yup. Scout summed it up pretty perfectly. That anxiety can build up like a machine stuck on overdrive over one simple "yes or no" question.

 

[BrokenWoman]

I know everyone is different but I just thought when I read this..hmm can anxiety be everyday for weeks? Is that what some sufferers go through? Extreme anxiety every day and that causes isolations?

 

[Jillyfromtheblock]

Thank you @scout86! I will try to let him know as best I can. It is a fairly new relationship, so it hasn't been exactly easy trying to get a really good communication going about this yet. I have asked some questions about how to approach texting and such when he's shutting people out and what he's comfortable with and what makes things worse, etc., but it hasn't really gone beyond that because of the pattern of us seeing each other, and then him isolating fairly soon afterwards. Right now his routine is to be at home hanging out, watching tv and waiting to go to PT & psych appointments. I'm a new addition to this routine and also he has a friend that had been hospitalized for a few weeks that he's been visiting. Between me and the friend visits, there has been extra pressure and increased pain just because of increased activity. Any increase in pain, etc. tends to push him into one of these scenarios. I don't know whether to wait it out until he's ready to see me again and tell him face to face that I'm not mad or upset with him when he shuts me out, or if I should tell him now by text. It's all so precarious...

 

[PTSDfree]

I know everyone is different but I just thought when I read this..hmm can anxiety be everyday for w...

Yup

 

[VikVikViktorious]

I know everyone is different but I just thought when I read this..hmm can anxiety be everyday for w...

Lol belle... Yup indeed.
I was in extreme isolation for 7-8 months. Anxiety the minute I opened my eyes in the morning, to the minute I shut them at night. Thank goodness for my understanding baby momma- I even went several weeks without seeing my own 6 year old child.

I didn't feel any sort of love/connection/relationship with anyone. Not even my own child. The only way I can describe it is like I'm in a Lion's den with a big ol cat just staring my down, ready to pounce at any moment.

If I were to get close with anyone, I would put them in danger too. I didn't want my child near that Lion...

 

[BrokenWoman]

Wow that is pretty powerful. Thank you for that insight. Even hearing that you had no connection to your own child just amazes me.