Relationship Question For Supporters After It's Over

[Deleted member 27524]

Just curious and I certainly don't mean any disrespect at all but a question for supporters. Do you feel like after your relationship/friendship ends with your sufferer that your sorta "screwed up" in the head? That what you endured or went through while trying to be with them had somehow made you completely scared and unable to get close to anyone else in a romantic way? I honestly am terrified and want NO part of getting close to another man after what I just went through the last two years. I feel like it's effected me in a huge way.

 

[nursenurse]

After the dissolution of any romantic relationship, you need time to heal, time to be alone, time to be angry, time to grieve. What you are feeling is completely normal, and will soften with time. However, if you find after awhile that you are still writing off any man that ever walked on the planet, then you you might need some help to work through your feelings. A little counselling for yourself now would be worthwhile and would head a few issues off at the pass. While you are responsible for the choices you made during the relationship, you are not responsible for him, how he treated you,his behaviour. Deal with your part. Learn from what you did in the relationship, and learn from what he did as well. Make new boundaries for yourself for future relationships. There are still good, worthy men out there. You are in no position really to be making permanent decisions about them. For now, no new relationships, and that is okay. And remember, time is the best balm for the emotional wounding you have been through.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I agree with nursenurse. I don't think having dealt with PTSD would make me any less likely to trust a man without PTSD, although I could see needing some time to catch your breath after the rigors of a PTSD relationship. Sometimes you lose yourself being the supporter and forget what it is like when you don't have to be a caretaker. Even if that were not an issue, it's healthy to take some time for yourself after the end of a relationship. It takes time to trust again in general. Just from observation, it seems like the people who jump straight from relationship to relationship have more issues and wind up with more "duds."

 

[Deleted member 27524]

Thank you! I have been in other relationships and them end and I was fine but this one particularly I have to say I have never been more yo-yo'd or mind boggled than any. To hear him say "I care about you and value you so much more than I show you" THEN he tells me "I don't give a FU#% what you do" BACK to "you make me so happy" AND then to "your trash and a bit#%"....he literally called me 5 secs after calling me the B word like NOTHING was wrong! so my head feels incredibly twisted and I'm hoping your both right that it will go away with time. I've just never experienced something so....heck I don't even have a word for it other than
"mind warping"!

 

[nursenurse]

I promise you it will get better, you may need a little help along the way, but it will. I think it is almost a healthy response, so soon after a break up, because it prevents you from jumping from the frying pan and into the fire with another rebound relationship that wouldn't work, gives you time to process what you have been through, assign the blame where it lies in the the individual, and prepares you for what you really want and need from a significant other in your life. What he was offering, ain't it, btw :D

Cheers, Doll, you will be fine!

 

[Sweetpea76]

If anything, let this bad relationship lower your BS tolerance level and make you pickier about your next partner. ;)

 

[Random girl]

I'm trying to move on from my ex who had ptsd and it's so difficult because i keep remembering the good times we had. I found that this site and reading these blogs helps me move on because it's almost a refresher of what i went thru and that it's best for me to move on. I know he will come back, he always does, but i have to be strong enough to cut the cord for good. He won't change and my lifestyle will always be a roller coaster. He's not the type to take meds (says it's bad) or continue going to therapy for years and that tells me that he just doesn't want this relationship enough. It just hurts A LOT and while trying so hard to cure him, i've been hurt emotionally and i just can't do it anymore. I have this emptiness within me and it just doesn't go away. I have the urge to pick up the phone and text him, but what's the point...we'll just end up getting hurt even more...hang in there girl i hope we both get thru this...

 

[Kintsugi]

From the anecdotes you provided, it seems to me that your mind is boggled specifically because the relationship was toxic and involved verbal abuse. PTSD isn't a reason or an excuse to be verbally abusive. I am glad you are adamant about moving on from this, but I hope you don't feel that this behavior is an acceptable side effect of PTSD, even if it is related to stress brought on by the condition. This behavior could arise in anyone and anyone with any disability or pitiable condition.

Edit: I don't remember the supporter forum rules, so if I'm not supposed to post here, I'm sorry. I'll check the rules now.