Relationship Question For The Long Term Supporters/old Timers

[BlueOrange]

Ouch :(

It sounds like having her around is hurting you. In this place, we talk a lot about the importance of letting people withdraw, and sort things out. It sounds like you need a few weeks where you get to withdraw. You're not obligated to spend time with her or communicate with her. Suggested words: "Talking to you or spending time with you right now hurts me. I need to withdraw for a while because I feel hurt. It hurts to say no to you, so please don't contact me for a while. I will contact you one month from now on the XXth, or sooner if I feel able to do that."

There's a power in walking away. You also have that power.

 

[TheMinsterman]

Ouch :(

It sounds like having her around is hurting you. In this place, we talk a lot about the imp...

Absolutely, I spoke to her a little tonight, but it was the first time in nearly a week, I imposed a break on myself to process how I was feeling and think about what I want to do, I'm in a bit of a stasis if I am telling the truth, whether I actually tell her how I am feeling and how sad I am and how one sided our "friendship" is or to just walk away. Because f the 10+ years of being in each others lives I am a little reluctant to just disappear, but I am equally in a state of is that just my nostalgia.

I'm still being withdrawn whilst I work this out and not getting too involved in contacting her, I asked her how she was and how uni was and she totally side stepped the question and asked me other stuff so I'm guessing she isn't that great, so I see no benefit to talking to her too much, but just the odd touching of base to me shows look I do still care and if I do send her something about how I feel it isn't just coming out of nowhere.

It's quite tricky... I've said before, I just wish she was a horrible cheating cow or something so I could just flip a finger and walk away, but as much as I resent some of her behaviour, she isn't.

 

[BlueOrange]

I just wish she was a horrible cheating cow or something so I could just flip a finger and walk away,

Yeah, I relate to that. It sucks, when people are complicated and messy, and refuse to supply us with neat justifications. *hugs* I'm glad you're protecting yourself.

 

[TheMinsterman]

Yeah, I relate to that. It sucks, when people are complicated and messy, and refuse to supply us wit...

Yeah, there's so many possibilities and she just adds to the confusion by contradicting herself and pushing/pulling, what I'd give for some simplicity!

Thanks, I'm doing my best, it's not as intense as it was before but I think that's because we've both withdrawn a little.

 

[Louski]

It seems to be pretty common to have a honeymoon period followed by the first "PTSD episode"... and...

This is just so good to hear. I think my man has had quite a few episodes since the beginning of our relationship 2 and a half years ago but because we were long distance he was able to manifest them as other things. Now he is back at home it is much harder and so it feels different. He is also an isolator and I am really looking forward to him coming out of this episode so we can work out a way forward. I feel these forums have given me some real answers in how to get what I need as much as I can while supporting him. Thank you guys for all your stories.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

I’ve been hanging around for about a year, and I still seem to be hanging in there. My ex JD never really isolated except one time before, for about three days. He now has isolated for five months and I’m starting to feel as if it’s more than isolation. I’m trying to be as supportive as I possibly can because I still care about and love him.

Please wish me the best with my future discoveries. As much as I would love to build a new friendship/relationship with him, I’m terrified to even think of it. Too many unanswered questions.