General Question... Should I See A Therapist, Or Am I Ok??

[revelry]

OK, I like to think that I'm pretty well 'put together' under the circumstances.....but.....am I'm going to do this as quickly and as painlessly as possible...

Here's the run down.

• Mom and Dad owned a bar (all my life)... I had co. 7days a week and no real sense of family, other than regulars.
• Dad was a raging alcoholic, verbaly and physically abusive (My dad and I resolved our issues a while ago but I burried him 2 months ago :-( )
• Mom was a manic depressive pillpopper. would lock herself in her room and barely come out to open X-mas presents.
• My sister 'came out' which caused all kinds of friction in the family ( with my parents).
• I'm the youngest.
• Got emanicipated @ 16.
• Went to work, and took care of myself.
• I married a man that I was taking care of, because he cant care for himself. Divorced after 9 years.
• Gave up what I wanted for everyone else.... (feeling kinda bitter and jaded now)
• Found a man, that I love... whole heartedly... but has limitations (military, and military 'issues') and sometimes feel like i'm not getting my fair share--- I feel like I give more than I recieve.
• I have 2 businesses, 2 rental properties, and am trying to go to school (not working out so great---time is my woirst enemy---there's not enough)
• I feel really alone
• drink way too much
• fall into depressions, more often that i'd like
• and start to think that the man I do love, doesn't want me, or want to love me back---even though I know it's just how he's wired, but it still consumes me.

I put alot of value on him (my bf) and can manage mostly, when things are good and I feel like I have support, but when we have issues, my world just crumbles...

I think I need some insight.... a better way to look at my own situation..
Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[amethist]

Hi revelry

If you think it will help you and you can find a good therapist who totally understands your situation, then go for it.

I think we can all manage "mostly", but then there are those times when it just gets way too much for us to cope with, and we all think, "How much more can I take of this", then from somewhere we are given that bit more strength to keep going.

I hope you find an answer for your own issues, maybe sorting out your own past and putting that away once and for all may be just what you need to do. I know I do, but finding a way to do it is another matter.

 

[NutritionNerd]

I can relate to the tendency to think they don't love you even when you know what their issues are. My husband is Aspergers which means stuff like his facial expression doesn't match his feelings. And he has PTSD which means sometimes he's numb and doesn't feel anything emotionally.

Weird thing about PTSD is that not everyone gets it - some people can have the same traumatic experience as someone who has PTSD and their body just adjusts. Others will push themselves until they get PTSD. They don't recognize the signs that they are overloaded. If I had known what PTSD was like I might have stopped before I overloaded but I never recognized overload either.

You might filling up the time to avoid the pain or somehow trying to make yourself "good enough" to be loved. At any rate a good therapist would help you - bad one might make it worse. Some of them have a tendency to put you on some drug and that is the end of the effort they apply on your behalf - then all they have to do is see you for 15 min every so often - no dealing with messy painful pasts. But it doesn't really work and eventually the pain will rise up above any drug they try and/or you wind up with PTSD because you were taking actions without being able to feel your emotions. You have to be willing to be assertive and go with the one who feels right in your gut.

 

[Srain]

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and just maybe could use some support at this time, some in-person support. l get so much out of this forum and my friends but what I get from my therapy is much more.I get the gift of their professional guidance and full attention to my issues.

I wouldn't underestimate the impact of your father's death, that can be a HUGE event in a person's life. Just maybe you would like to do what I call a "check up". I get with a tdoc and check in to get a professional opinion. Being that you are wondering and thinking about it, I would say look into it however, make sure it is someone knowledgeable about PTSD. You certainly deserve the support and in your situation could use it.

I'm sorry for you loss :(
Take good care of you, you DO MATTER,
peace and healing,
Rain

 

[ISupportHer]

As Rain pointed out, you have a lot on your plate.

Maybe stop, look at all you wrote but as if it were someone else writing all that. I am guessing you would want THAT other person to do whatever was needed to be able to deal with all that. That is what I hope for you. That you do whatever you can. I don't know what you have tried but perhaps you can find benefit to therapy, or one that acts as a "life coach". Just to help you manage the many things you are feeling.

There has been an analogy mentioned here on the forum at other times. That if you are on an airplane and the cabin looses pressure, you HAVE to put YOUR mask on first to have any hope in helping others. That concept can be important in many areas of our lives.

ISH

 

[wife of]

ISH, that is perfect,I'm going to be using that one.

 

[revelry]

So I have read and re-read the responses here and each time, I wind up in tears, but I think thats a good thing.

I just kept thinking that I had it all together, all nice and neatly balanced until someone bumped my tower of dominoes. Then it's the frantic, move a little to the left, move a little to the right, a little forwards and backwards and hopefully balance it all out again, only to wait for the next bump.

I think I'm pretty sure what I'm doing is nonsense, and it's going to kill me. (Stress is already starting to affect my health, I've just been ignoring it) But I feel like I just don't even know where to start to minimize and find some-kinda normal, but maybe I'll make that call today....

 

[amethist]

Make that call revelry, dont wait any longer.

Go do it now. :tup:

 

[revelry]

Called my family doc, waiting for a return call for a recommondation on who to see...
but why do I feel anxious now????

 

[amethist]

Because it is scary to tell a stranger how you feel and admit its tough revelry, but hopefully it will be just what you need right now.

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

Called my family doc, waiting for a return call for a recommondation on who to see...
but why do I feel anxious now????

Dear revelry,

You've done totally the right thing :tup:.

Be as honest as you can with your doc, even print out your initial post and hand it to him/her.

Sending courage and love as you begin the healing journey.

 

[May1321]

l get so much out of this forum and my friends but what I get from my therapy is much more.I get the gift of their professional guidance and full attention to my issues.

I truly believe everyone would do good with a little healthy therapy in their lives. My therapist has helped tremendously! Sometimes she says the right thing but it is just nice having someone listen without judgement and guide when needed.

I feel like I've really sewn up some old wounds which have helped me stand stronger when the days get tougher even if sometimes it sounds like not... my strength I feel comes from within :)