General Question... Should I See A Therapist, Or Am I Ok??

[revelry]

I guess 'deep down' I knew this is probaly what i need. I had a counselor in high school (20yrs ago) that helped me tremdously, but I guess after that... I figured I was fine (ever hear the acronym for that??? F I N E.... f*#%kd up, irrational, nuerotic, and emotional.. lol )
but I guess even the 'toughest' aren't always so tough... especially when life wants to toss you a hand gernade, or several of them.
I think my fear is that I may be more messed-up than i thought, and having someone confirm that....well... that's kinda scary...
I think i'm a good person, my intentions are good, but i just keep doing dumb things and re-acting to things in the wrong ways, but anxiety is getting the best of me lately.

 

[Srain]

Good job Revelry. :tup:
Standing still is always an option but nothing changes if nothing changes.
Survivors are strong people.

peace,
Rain

 

[May1321]

I would say the biggest thing is, Revelry, is that it is hard to get a firm foot when you are spinnning and one thing after another (your hand grenades) keep knocking you this way and that.

I was afraid of finding out I was messed up more than I was, too, but it really just turned out to be years piled upon years of not getting the closure needed to give me that firm footing from one situation or the next. Not having what I needed healed just made it easier for others and life's curveballs to knock me over, leading to me feeling worse off than in actuality I was.

You may be "diagnosed" with something for the time being but that is just so you can get a handle on it and work towards a solution to bettering it. You are tough. Just need a little concrete shoulder.

I'd suggest being selective with your therapist, too. If after a couple of visits your just don't feel you are clicking, search again. That is one benefit we have. Unfortunately, not everyone does :/

((((REVELRY))))

 

[revelry]

I fianally got through the insurance thing and made an appointment. I go on monday @ 11:30. I figured that I will make some kinda of a list, a starting point to try and expedite things. I dont want to hide anything, but I dont want to spend the first few sessions on 'tell me about your past'..

I figured if i give a list... it will cut thru a lot of Q & A, and get to the stuff thats really making me behave strangely...

I'll give him a list of the things I posted earlier, things Ive been doing lately...jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, being overly 'needy', sad for no reason, not hearing people when they talk to me, not being able to multitask as well as I used to, and the fact that sometimes too much stimli makes me really anxious, I also cant remember things as well as I used to.

I know that this stuff seems minor, compared to some of the things that others have been through, especially here. There are so many people here that are so strong, so brave, and been through so much worse, I just can't understand why I can't seem to manage, or cope with things anymore, i feel like im failing at everything.

I had a meltdown @ dunkin donuts the other day with a study partner and decided that 'wasn't normal' and I should probably see someone.....

Am I on the right path?? should i make a list? and what should i expect?? I think i'm ready to do this, but still really afraid...

Any thoughts??

 

[Srain]

That might be a good idea. What I would remember as well, you are interviewing the tdoc too. It's a 2-way streets here. The first several sessions are about building trust, it's not about zooming through to the finish line (man, I wish it were!!! I'd be cured!!)

What I'm saying is, I might have some questions ready for the tdoc as well, such as, have they treated PTSD Survivors before, if yes, how long. What is their usual technique? Do they use EMDR, CBT, DBT, etc.? How long have they been in practice? That type of things...feel free to ask the questions YOU want to. A good tdoc will be willing and understanding enough to answer your questions.

This is the person you are supposedly going to trust with all your secrets and deep feelings so you want to make sure that they are a good fit. That can take a few sessions. I asked mine - this was one that was important to me - can I reach her outside of the session. You might think that's a given, but I had one tell me, absolutely NOT! :cautious:...I chucked him asap. I have to know that on this journey my tdoc will be there, I am not much of a caller but when I do call I need to know they are there.

I'm blabbering...but I hope this helps somewhat.

peace,
Rain

 

[ISupportHer]

I wouldn't worry about a list yet either. I am not one to talk when it comes to going to TH but The very first time I went to one I had a 2 page list that kind of outlined things as I saw them. WE didn't get to that at all on the first visit as I recall. It was more introductory. The TH asking about my childhood, my family, how others were coping, etc.

I think you need to go in able to artuiculate why you are there and, in general, what you hope to gain, but not every single detail yet.

Ha, Like I know anything about it, LOL. I AM glad you are going and hope it is a meaningful experience for you.

ISH

OK, OK, I admit it. It was a 3 page list. small print. :)

 

[The Albatross]

Glad Revelry you got an appointment... sure make some notes, but try not to overthink it. Just write what pops, and sometimes when I do that I get pretty suprised when I actually see what I've been carrying around on paper. It helped me to clarify and center down a bit before I went or go to my sessions. :tup:

 

[revelry]

OK, OK, I admit it. It was a 3 page list. small print. :)

It's sometimes rare that reading something can actually make you laugh out loud (normally we just chuckle to ourselves)....but that just did it....:):roflmao::D :laugh:

I needed that this AM....Thanks.

You all have been very helpful, and took something pretty scary for me and made it managable, and gave me someplace to start.

I want the irrational, unmanageable, dysfunctional, and craziness to go away, ...... or at least minimize.:unsure: to something I can handle without, flying off the handle, laughing, and bursting into to tears, and haveing every other concievable emotion, all in the same 30 seconds..

 

[May1321]

I know that this stuff seems minor, compared to some of the things that others have been through, especially here. There are so many people here that are so strong, so brave, and been through so much worse, I just can't understand why I can't seem to manage, or cope with things anymore, i feel like im failing at everything.

I would say to not give yourself such little credit, sweetie. It is hard to feel like our feelings and what we are going through is just as big as someone elses, and in comparison, it may not be, but it is effecting you a great deal and without YOU working in top shape, then what good are you to not just yourself but anyone else. This is a REALLY BIG deal! Just remember that... you aren't going to get turned down for therapy because your stuff "just ain't that important" because YOU are important.

What I would remember as well, you are interviewing the tdoc too. It's a 2-way streets here. The first several sessions are about building trust, it's not about zooming through to the finish line (man, I wish it were!!! I'd be cured!!)

In the last 10 years I've had 5 attempts with therapy. The last two more successful but I was also ready for the criticism that was to come my way. It's hard to hear the tough stuff and it may take a few attempts, or sessions, to get to the point it makes a lot of sense. But having a good relationship with your "T" is very important. They aren't necessarily going to be your "friend" but you have to feel comfortable with them enough as if they were a really good "friend". I look at my "T" as the person saving me from my poor friends and family... helping me neutralize my emotions so that I am not a gobb of gue for them because it is much harder for them to stay neutral in hearing my struggles.

The other thing I noticed, is I went in like you with at least a really good idea of what I wanted to focus on but in my first couple of sessions, we really focused on the present of what was happening - my meltdowns, anxiety, depression - and then from there we started cancelling out things I THOUGHT were the problem but actually weren't... it was really interesting.

The other thing I know and appreciate about my therapist is she does not believe in medication if it is not needed. I went in thinking - I'm ready... I think I just need some sort of anti-depressant... I'm not handling any of this very well... and we figured out the source of my trouble and brought me back to zero and focused on that stuff and I haven't taken a single drug. I've had some people try to suggest it right off the bat and that made me uncomfortable so I moved on.

She's also MY therapist and though she appreciates me sending people her way - like my brother for his PTSD - she does not feel comfortable treating someone closely associated with me for conflict of interest. I found this REALLY cool because I've had therapists in the past who did and after I thought about it, it was a really big conflict. She was gracious enough to recommend a few therapists knowing of the severity (from my point of view) for my brother, and that was also really cool.

An hour is never enough... and sometimes it's too much. But just go in with a handful of ideas and go with your gutt and tell them what initially brought you in. It's going to take time so you just have to find some comfort with it.

(((((Revelry))))) You are on the right track!!!! :)

 

[revelry]

OK, so here is an odd turn of events....
Monday AM, I woke up and felt pretty good, I drove to my appointment, enjoying the fall leaves, and the quiet drive, no one was blowing up my phone, no one was having a crisis, and I thought to myself......Im ok today, I don't really need this appointment, and almost decided NOT to go....
But I went. I felt strange when I got off the elevator. I felt like people were looking at me and making assumptions (even though they werent). I wanted to leave, but knew that something in me was wrong, and I wanted to 'fix it' I havent been the same person that I was.
I was apprehensive, but I like him (the T), and felt more confortable after I got over the intial, 'I gotta 'feel' this guy out' thing.

He asked what brought me to this point, and I just kinda ran-down a quick list of my crap. He asked questions about my past and I answered them, and I then told him about my inability to focus and concentrate, my inability to remeber things, sometimes whole conversations, and my inability to handle stess well anymore, as well as a bunch of other things.
there were more ??'s and me giving more answers, and he said a lot of things that made sense, and a lot of things that I never really thought about..... until now.
at the end, he asked me if I knew what PTSD was.....and I kinda chuckled.... I said yes and he went into a description of 'some' symptoms, and asked me If I've been experiencing them.........wellllllllllllll, uh, ummm, hmmm, yup....lol, he also mentioned co-dependant..... although he mentioned "might be" and wants to spend more time to be sure, even though I kinda knew my brain wasn't functioning right anymore.

I came here, to learn and 'deal with' some of the issues that surround my BF..... (didn't mention that, btw, so the T throwing-that-out-there was completely unsolicitated, and out-of-the-blue) and now I might be going from 'carer' to 'carer-sufferer' (and there are many of you out there that are in the same boat, and I don't know how you do it, but your managing, and that deserves BIG CHEERS!)......

(side note... I have a pretty extensive psych. background, enough to minor in it with my nursing degree, so I have some decent background and this isn't stuff I DONT know....just never applied to myself :()

I'm still trying to digest everything, but Ive spent some time re-reading posts, that I applied to my BF, and found that when I really look at ME....there are patterns and similarities.... So, now I have this intial kinda feeling like I'm broken, and even though I know feeling that way is wrong and that it is chemical, I still feel sad. I know that there isnt a 'cure' and that it is manageable, but I'm wondering If I will ever be ME again?? It's making me feel like someone took me, my life, my past, and my current situations, stuffed em all in a blender and hit purree. :confused::eek::cautious::unsure:

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

OK, so here is an odd turn of events....
Monday AM, I woke up and felt pretty good, I drove to my appointment, enjoying the fall leaves, and the quiet drive, no one was blowing up my phone, no one was having a crisis, and I thought to myself......Im ok today, I don't really need this appointment, and almost decided NOT to go....

.......................... and now I might be going from 'carer' to 'carer-sufferer' (and there are many of you out there that are in the same boat, and I don't know how you do it, but your managing, and that deserves BIG CHEERS!)......

(side note... I have a pretty extensive psych. background, enough to minor in it with my nursing degree, so I have some decent background and this isn't stuff I DONT know....just never applied to myself :()

........................ So, now I have this intial kinda feeling like I'm broken, and even though I know feeling that way is wrong and that it is chemical, I still feel sad. I know that there isnt a 'cure' and that it is manageable, but I'm wondering If I will ever be ME again?? It's making me feel like someone took me, my life, my past, and my current situations, stuffed em all in a blender and hit purree. :confused::eek::cautious::unsure:

Hi Revelry :)

Guess what, human puree has an this amazing ability to reconstitue itself into a stronger & wiser individual than they were before!!!! Honest!!! :confused::oops::):tup:

I work in the health service so your side note rang out crystal clear: "this isn't stuff I DONT know....just never applied to myself". That bit of info is already processed just not applied so you're one step ahead of the game, you don't need to beat yourself up about it, you're human. We are so busy caring for others, we're good at that, we do a good job but when the stress at home gets too much we buckle (remember we're human).

You will be able to be you again, more resilient and more beautiful, be gentle with yourself.

LH xx

 

[revelry]

You will be able to be you again, more resilient and more beautiful, be gentle with yourself.

Thank you, I think i needed to hear that.... (even thougth It made me cry):cry::speechless::)