General Question... Should I See A Therapist, Or Am I Ok??

[May1321]

Revelry... it is so true... all of it... the feelings and concerns you may have, but just like Lady Somerset said, you will be able to be you again, more resilient and more beautiful.

It is really really hard to not care as much as we do. I don't think that is something IN ME that I want to change, but unfortunately, when we don't know the boundaries within ourselves, it gets hard and we lose track. I think now having some sort of pin stuck in our emotional map that doesn't make sense any more, you/we will be able to start solidifying those foundations.

My therapist started me out at the very beginning stressing my "Cement Shoes". Well, now that I have an idea of what those are, I'm still getting knocked around by the thing she made me aware of my last visit... My boyfriend is "disorganized"... he's all over the place. Like a fish on a hook... one minute he's calm and the next he's jerking around. He doesn't know how to center and though he puts on the big show and says I help him be that to my girlfriends, he is now - where once before so easily pushing me around with his "PTSD" - he's practically body checking me when I show my boundaries and try to BE ME.

The problem is, he knows he has PTSD... he knows how it can affect him, and he wants to get better but not bad enough to do the scary work (like you walking into your T's office and hearing what may have been hard to hear). The difference is you are willing to take that stern criticism and apply it to GET BETTER. You are ready... you are prepared! You are willing to seek the tools in order to get back to being an even better version of yourself.

So hang on... you are on the right track because you have the desire in your heart to do so. You are putting yourself first. Big high fives for you!!! ((((REVELRY))))

 

[revelry]

sometimes I think we all just need some SUPPORT, whether we admit it or not. (something thats been lacking in my life, I just always felt I had to do everything on my own... but a little support goes a long way...)

I was felling kinda 'dumpy' the last few days, hard to focus, hard to concentrate, but I had a moment tonight, where some things came out of my mouth, and I realized that I'm not dead.... I still have fight and grit, and a certain degree of ornery...lol....and it's stuff I have to deal with, but somewhere, under everthing, I'm still here.

I may be damaged maybe a bit broken, but not completely...not yet anyway..... I just have to remember ME and harness the parts of ME that are still there, just buried under a lot of crap.

I just hope that momentum continues and tomorrow doesnt smack me in the face......but if it does....maybe i just need to think that it's temporary...and good things will eventually come...

PS... I like it here. there are good people here. :):D:laugh::inlove:
Thank you, all of you, you are all amazing people, and I'm lucky to be here.

 

[May1321]

a little support goes a long way...)

Oh heck yes!!!

I was so against therapy. I had the mentality I think that is much like a soldiers... I was raised to be tough. My dad being disabled was never a 'victim' but a fighter. Sometimes an ars of a fighter but still a fighter. "You can be anything you put your mind to." Was the words I was raised on. So the idea of therapy, was definitely, a weak man/woman's process.

We are all weak in some ways. Sometimes that weakness is increased by the weights of the world we end up carrying as we get older... such as our soldiers.

Revelry, you may feel damaged or broken now but so are some classic cars before someone takes the time to polish them up, bang the dents out, and give them a fresh paint job. EVERYTHING / EVERYONE needs a little tender love and care to keep them running smoothly.

After my first few rounds with therapy, I've come to realize that it's not just therapy because of one thing, it's therapy for the whole life. Do we need to go regularly? NO. Once the emotional stuff is squared away, we may just need a day out in the sunshine, or on the trail, or in the car driving and listening to music with the top down, or coffee with a friend, a little shopping, or some good ol' fashion Sunday in church. Whatever your daily therapy is, it should be enough to get you through tougher times... but when tougher times feel like your whole world is collapsing, then it is time to talk to someone. Someone neutral who can carry the burden for you without worrying about it affecting them but instead, can offer you some helpful tools to help "bang out your dents."

I'm so happy for you!!! :) You are on the right track and it starts with those little moments of "I can do this!!" :D:tup:;)

 

[revelry]

I was raised to be tough. . So the idea of therapy, was definitely, a weak man/woman's process.
We are all weak in some ways. Sometimes that weakness is increased by the weights of the world we end up carrying as we get older... such as our soldiers.
you may feel damaged or broken now but so are some classic cars before someone takes the time to polish them up, bang the dents out, and give them a fresh paint job. EVERYTHING / EVERYONE needs a little tender love and care to keep them running smoothly.

Someone who...., can offer you some helpful tools to help "bang out your dents"

May,
sigh.... I just luv ya... don't really know you or your entire story, but have read quite a few of your posts.... and you're a great person. Thank you for being you, and helping me to realize ME... and I just luv ya for it!! :)

I was kinda raised in that same school of thought that if you ask for help, your weak somehow... I know its wrong, but pattenered behavior, after so sooo many years is so hard to break mentaly......Some days are better than others, and some days we 'forget' that 'we can do this'.... thanks for keeping me reminded.:)

 

[May1321]

((((Revelry))))) Thank YOU.... It's nice to come here and feel the supports of people who get it.

I got a great 'Daily Message' this morning... It says to ask advice from those who've already mastered the task you are looking for advice for. It is so true. That is the difficult part about taking stuff like this to peers and sometimes family members... Sometimes you just need others that 'get it'.

Looking forward to be inspired by your steps in feeling better :) :)

 

[revelry]

I went back to T today and it didn't go so hot. I was aggitated early in the day and it just continued.

I kinda wanted to have this laundry list of things to discuss, I wanted to be a little better prepared, but it just kinda came out as 'venting'. He was good about it, even made a joke about how he was sooooo disappointed in me, for NOT having everythting in a neat little package.... (sarcasm)....I got it. got his point... and it made me laugh...:)

We talked more about my codependancy, and how its detrimental. the funny thing is....I kinda already knew that. I can minimize what I do for freinds and I have already started doing that, but how do minimize what you do for people that you know aren't capable to take care of certain things for themselves, and how do you minimize what you do for mom, especially when we just lost dad.......

I'm trying to digest the PTSD thing, and the codependant thing.... I just don't really know how to do it without felling like I'm being selfish or letting people down...

this sux.... how do you find the balance????

 

[May1321]

how do you find the balance????

Been wondering the same thing. I'm up to my ears with annoyance lately with "PTSD" related quirks... I jump when there is an issue that to me sounds like it is going to be the one that breaks the camel's back, but then get backhanded by the PTSD making me shake my head and kick myself that if I wasn't being so "co-dependant" in the first place, I wouldn't have to keep picking myself up and dusting myself off.

I think one disorder is a very deep black hole that once we cross over the edge, we are without notice being co-dependant, and the climbing out of that black hole without feeling like you are leaving another behind is where the co-dependency becomes the hardest battle... the trust/faith that everything will be o.k. and is out of our control :(

Maybe till we are ready to let go we will never truly find balance... just wish there was a more comfortable place, or middle ground, in the 'letting go' scenario :/

Hang in there... the "venting" is if nothing else a good reason for a therapist... someone to throw your vents/thoughts at and at least you get some validation as they nod their head, or even have an answer once in a while :) :tup:

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

................................how do minimize what you do for people that you know aren't capable to take care of certain things for themselves

................... how to do it without felling like I'm being selfish or letting people down...

how do you find the balance????

Hi revelry

I was thinking back when I was in a very similar situation and this reply is just focussing on the 3 lines above.

We want to do our best for the people we love & respect but sometimes we are setting our standards too high for others to be able to achieve.

When you speak about "taking care of things they can't do for themselves" they might be able to do things for themselves but not to your standard. Would that really matter that much? Better to let them feel some sense of achievement doing for themselves than de-skilling and feeding into their dependancy and your co- dependancy.

I hope that makes some sense. I still have to remind myself that my hubby can do stuff by himself, he doesn't do it the same way or even as 'good' as I would but I've learnt not to criticise. this allows his self esteem to develop and grow. All I have to remember is to bite my lip and be patient (I sometimes forget coz it would actually be easier to do it myself grrr ;)).

Good to hear you're seeing a therapist :tup::)
best wishes

 

[May1321]

but sometimes we are setting our standards too high for others to be able to achieve.

Just had this conversation with a girlfriend here at work... I think my mindset and standards are set in a time that doesn't exist as much any more which makes my 'quality' of standards much different in comparison to my sufferer's. Is that possible? On top of just the ability to achieve them, the standards each of us has set come from such different places and levels of importance, adding to the PTSD pile a confusion of expectations and efforts.

Just a thought :O_o: Still battling myself. Still feel it is good for you Revelry to be figuring this out from the inside out vs. changing everything when it is obvious you will within is taking a stand.

(((((REVELRY)))))

 

[The Albatross]

Balance for me is giving what I can without sacrificing what I need to do for myself. I'm not very good at it, but I'm improving on it slowly but surely.

 

[May1321]

Balance for me is giving what I can without sacrificing what I need to do for myself.

I read almost these exact words last night... saying... to balance is to be able to say "I love you... but I love me too." :)

 

[sunshiney]

It is really really hard to not care as much as we do. I don't think that is something IN ME that I want to change, but unfortunately, when we don't know the boundaries within ourselves, it gets hard and we lose track.

Sorry to but in, but having a rough few days myself and needed a place to vent, etc..

Anyway, someone once said to me "you got to have direction, if not either you get lost or end up somewhere you didn't want to be" and he basically summed up exactly how I had been feeling. And those words stuck with me.

Just thought I'd share.