Re-kindleing Lost Friendship; Triggers & Toxicity

[Mommyof5]

Financially, times have been tough these last few months. Being self-employed & desperate, I posted on my Facebook page that I needed to find work ASAP, odd jobs, housework, etc.

Soon after, I was contacted by a
girl I met through "my molester" that I hadn't spoken to for nearly 9 years- since the end of my molest history.

She wrote four pages of messages of work for me to do. I was so desperate, so I jumpped on the offer without any hesitation.

I was happy to see her, I looked forward to it, I gave her a big hug when I got to her house. I worked there for the day, and learned that her fiance is my husband's childhood best friend.

(And I shared with her how the man that introduced she and I 10 years ago was a molester, a pedophile, and a self-proclaimed pimp that would drug me up and sell me to his buddies. I told her I have suffered from PTSD for the past 9 years because of him, that even seeing him causes me to be triggered... She said that she still talks to him, and that he has changed a lot. I ended the conversation at that.)

I go back the next day to complete the odd jobs, and I am happy, forgiving, and looking forward to re-kindleing this long lost friendship with this girl I got along so well with.

I am 2 hours into the job and I get this terrible gut feeling. I look down, and behind a Thanksgiving decoration she placed the night before, was a photograph propped on the shelf of "my molester," dressed in a suit with a beaming smile, with a familiar looking man next to him.

It stopped me dead in my tracks, 2 weeks ago, and has been haunting me ever since.

1) The fact that his face surfaced memories and,

2) the probability that she put that up intentionally.

Now I have been going through the full circle of PTSD, having nightmares about him ect., plus my heart is hurting so much because I was "played a fool."

Between the two, I feel like despair is my middle name.

I am stuck.

 

[arfie]

I can believe #1 as easily as falling off a log. Even when I am expecting it, a picture of one of my abusers will bring back memories I would rather not stir up.

#2... Not so easy to believe. I can think of too many other possibilities and I, personally, have made a royal jack of myself by jumping to conclusions under such circumstances. Friends are hard to come by in my world. Worth the benefit of a doubt to my heart.

But... You are the one with all the details. Hope you get them sorted.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Wow. Yeah forgiveness is great but at the same time, who really does a complete 180?!?

I avoid triangulation at ALL costs. In this case, if you choose to be friends with this person, you're going to have to find a way to deal with the triangulation on some level.

I know I could never be friends with someone who says "oh she has changed..." and is friends with my abuser. It's true that we're judged by the company we keep. You escaped this world. I hope you're not blinded into thinking it's all rosy now, because demons never completely go away.

 

[Mommyof5]

Thank you, Solara. That is exactly it. I worked so hard to stay out of that world and I was blindly dragged back onto it. The little girl inside was reaching for her rose colored glasses. The adult me needed more input on the matter.

I can see Arfie's point, she may just be in a rosy world. I can let go, and let her go, as well. I can not accept the triangulation as Solara said.

Thanks guys <3