Re-learning self-efficacy (putting out fires and fixing leaky boats)

Yes! A plan! (I might need a similar plan after the week that’s about to begin. A crazy stressful workload.)
Crossing my fingers for you it will go smoother than expected.

I quite like the concept of "triage" for weeks like that.

For some reason, the concept of triage really makes it clear to me that if the doctor/ nurse/ surgeon/ EMT is not looking after themselves adequately, then none of the patients will get looked after either.

It's a good reminder for me that all those "important tasks" will only get done if I make sure that *I* stay functional - and the only way to do that is to try and minimise stress, get rest, do self-care.

Somehow it's easier to do that, if I think of it as "my most important task" instead of as something where I'm being kind to myself or spoiling myself :laugh::facepalm:

Thought you might like it too, cos it's kind of army-thinking :)
So I'm reactivating this "achievement journal" for the weekend... :bag:

I've done okay the last few weeks re motivation... not amazingly well, but well enough for things to have been functional.

I'm worried about this weekend, cos I've saved up most of the week's tasks and chores and to-do-list crap for the weekend. Worried I'll get overwhelmed and will crack under the pressure.

First achievement of the day: Woke up at 5 am. Trying to get a regular wake-up time for all 7 days of the week, to help my brain get a healthy circadian rhythm set up.

I struggle with waking up dazed and confused and exhausted I know it's a big deal re sleep hygiene, to have a fixed waking-up time... Cos the brain adapts its sleep cycle to the firm wake-up time, surprisingly quickly and then you wake up feeling less messed up. (Might be a thing worth trying @Innordinate ?)

Given that it's the weekend and given that I got home at midnight last night, I'm going to stay up for an hour (another 15 mins to go) and then give myself permission to nap/ snooze again, if I want to. I don't want to restrict sleep, just make sure my brain associates 5 am with "ooh hello world" cos that's the time I need to get up on weekdays.

So yeah... first (small) win of the day...

Let's hope it's not my only achievement of the weekend.... :bag: :arghh; :bag:
Okay... did some tasks, but feeling basically zero sense of achievement.

So I'm gonna make up some new awards...

??For cruddy tasks (housework etc)
?? For triggering tasks
? For annoying self-care tasks

?????For feeding/ cleaning animals

So, today, I have so far achieved the following:

? Fed dog
? Walked dog
? Gave sheep hay
? Gave sheep feed
? Gave sheep clean water
? Gave guinea pigs food
?? Made sure that hard rubbish collection got done
?? Put a load of washing in the drier
?? Put another load of washing in the machine
?? Aired house out
? Showered
?? (Successfully) dealt with housemate's ADD-Drama-Queen stuff

I think that's it so far?

Looks better with a bunch of awards :)
?? Emptied dishwasher
?? Filled and started dishwasher
?? Did some other dishes by hand
? Cooked myself a healthy dinner
?? Took out paper recyling
?? Took out plastic recycling
?? Took out rubbish
?? Tidied my room (a *bit*, for like 2 mins)
? Fed dog again

Feeling pretty much zero sense of accomplishment about it
And did all of these chores in a foul mood about doing the chores :meh:

But... I am feeling a kind of gratitude that doing all these tasks means that I'm being *functional* (kind of)

Being functional means quite a lot to me.

Having PTSD and depression make me unfunctional so often over so many years felt really scary, depressing and made me feel ashamed and useless.

So yeah, feeling grateful to be functional.
First day of my winter break.

? Released rescue pigeon back into the wild today.
? Fed dog
? Took dog out for a run
? Fed cats
? Fed guinea pigs
?? Filled and started dishwasher
?? Did some other dishes by hand
?? Took out paper recycling
?? Took out plastic recycling
?? Went and got rubbish bin from the curb/ street (from collection)
?? Did some grocery shopping
?? Bought some organise-y stuff for paperwork (boxes/ folders)
?? Helped housemate do some of his paperwork
? Had a healthy lunch
? Had a healthy dinner
? Had a relaxing day, over all
? Caught up on sleep
? Did a scary task and emailed accountant
? Gave sheep hay
? Gave sheep feed
? Gave sheep fresh water

Can't think of anything else.

Not feeling much of a sense of achievement again...
Tho feeling kinda a bit pleased that it's a long list.

Also feeling a bit pleased that I didn't feel as miserable doing chores today.
It was still about a billion lightyears away from being fun.
But it wasn't *miserable*
That's loads to accomplish in one day though!

Do you think so, tho?

Or are you just being encouraging? :laugh:

Cos when I look at that list I think... "Umm, okay, that's quite a bit for someone with BAD DEPRESSION AND BAD PTSD"

But I feel that for someone without bad depression/ bad PTSD, then it's actually not much AT ALL.

Like basically, I had lunch and dinner, did the dishes and fed my pets.

Like... umm... that's pretty much *the basics* isn't it?

Isn't achieving stuff about doing *more* than the basics??

I truly don't know. I never know whether I'm pushing myself too hard or not pushing myself enough.

Surely people get more stuff done than just the basics??

Like, ahem, other people have 4 kids to boot and I assume looking after 4 kids, if you even had the TIME to write down all the stuff you do, you'd have a list like that every hour or two...?