Re-learning self-efficacy (putting out fires and fixing leaky boats)

Chris-duck

MyPTSD Pro
Like, ahem, other people have 4 kids to boot and I assume looking after 4 kids, if you even had the TIME to write down all the stuff you do, you'd have a list like that every hour or two...?
Okay, you want a run down of my day? Cos I have been a lazy shite.
I woke up, girls got themselves ready for the taxi to pick them up, I got boys ready, Christmas party so they could wear whatever the f*ck they wanted, so that was easy, no arguments. Lunch was done, awesome. Boys get picked up for nursery. I went to the cinema while I was child free with B and her bf (He drove us home, he only has one eye, that was terrifying). I came home, boys got dropped off, and I bathed them and put them to bed, girls party ends at 9.30 over an hour away so they're staying out.

No chores done, bare minimum accomplished.

So yeah. You done loads :P
 

TTC18

MyPTSD Pro
Okay, you want a run down of my day? Cos I have been a lazy shite.
I woke up, girls got themselves ready for the taxi to pick them up, I got boys ready, Christmas party so they could wear whatever the f*ck they wanted, so that was easy, no arguments. Lunch was done, awesome. Boys get picked up for nursery. I went to the cinema while I was child free with B and her bf (He drove us home, he only has one eye, that was terrifying). I came home, boys got dropped off, and I bathed them and put them to bed, girls party ends at 9.30 over an hour away so they're staying out.

No chores done, bare minimum accomplished.

So yeah. You done loads :p
That actually sounds exhausting and extremely hectic to me. ?
 
So it sounds like you have a problem assessing "how much" you've done too, Chrissy.

Cos we both just wrote up quite a list and feel like we've "done basically nothing".

And I find this a real problem.

Cos if I want to try and do "enough" so that I have a sense of achievement, I think I expect myself to do about 3 days worth of work in one... Which is so unrealistic that it doesn't happen.

So 29 days out of 30, I got to bed at night thinking "Ugh, I achieved too little today" no matter how much stuff I did.

Not really a healthy cycle :meh:
 

Chris-duck

MyPTSD Pro
Like I really have done nothing :laugh:

And yeah, I've said before about your to do lists being unrealistic. Like maybe if you have timescaled to do lists. Like every day you need to feed your animals, but just once a week you need to whatever.. So that it's more balanced? Like some shit just needs done daily (Feeding kids/animals :P ) But some shit just can be done whenever, and yeah it needs done, but it doesn't matter when. And you share the farm, does housemate take an equal share on farm shit or do you kinda just agree to take it all on cos #perfectionism? I'd word it better, but my mad is spewing out, and I mean it nicely :P :hug:
 

TTC18

MyPTSD Pro
Here's a thing I've noticed with my self and my kids. When you do a list like this:
Fed Dog
It can be misleading. Is it just that simple, or is it 'Brought in 50 lb bag of dogfood, washed dog bowl, herded everyone out of kitchen, filled feed buckets w/ 50 lbs of dogfood, got dog's food, shooed cats away from dogbowl, broke up fight, put down more dogfood because other dogfood got scattered across the floor and then the water spilled so it was dogfood soup and the dog doesn't like to eat the food when it's wet so I threw it to the birds' and so on and so forth? Because some days, for me, it's the first - and sometimes it's the second. And when you do the list like 'Fed Dog' there's no way to tell the difference between them.
 
Housemate does wayyyy more farm work than me. He's on disability so he has time.

I go and work, so my contribution is mainly paying for the animals' feed and stuff.

But on days where I'm home, I try and do the animal feeding tasks.

Mainly to feel connected to the farm.

I don't want to live on a farm, but be at work all day, ya know?
 
Here's a thing I've noticed with my self and my kids. When you do a list like this:
Fed Dog
It can be misleading. Is it just that simple, or is it 'Brought in 50 lb bag of dogfood, washed dog bowl, herded everyone out of kitchen, filled feed buckets w/ 50 lbs of dogfood, got dog's food, shooed cats away from dogbowl, broke up fight, put down more dogfood because other dogfood got scattered across the floor and then the water spilled so it was dogfood soup and the dog doesn't like to eat the food when it's wet so I threw it to the birds' and so on and so forth? Because some days, for me, it's the first - and sometimes it's the second. And when you do the list like 'Fed Dog' there's no way to tell the difference between them.

That's a realllllllllly good point. :)

And yeah. I struggle with that too.

Sometimes it's simple.

Sometimes it's like the universe is messing with us :laugh:

Unfortunately, I tend to do crappy self-talk when it's a "difficult" day.

I tend to say things like "OMG Sophy can't you even do a simple thing like feeding a dog?!"

Tho sometimes I do manage to just giggle about it, cos it's like being stuck inside a Charlie Chaplin film.

But yeah... dunno how to really do it justice when it's not just a "fed the dog" day.

Thanks for pointing it out - I will think about this :hug:
 

TTC18

MyPTSD Pro
Thanks for pointing it out - I will think about this :hug:
OMG it is like being in a Charlie Chaplin film. One time I was being dragged by an animal eager for the feed - I was holding her collar walking her to her pen because she didn't want to go and she realized there was food involved and started running full tilt and my hand was stuck bc she took off so fast I somehow got my finger in her collar loop and it had just rained and I ended up on my rear in the mud w piles of animals standing around me looking at me like 'Um- you OK?' My boots were full of mud, I had mud splashed all over my face, etc. And it was typical farm mud - which means it had tons of poop in it. I was sitting there in the mud laughing, with a cat on my shoulder and a dog licking my face and a car full of men who were supposed to work on my fence drove up. Oh that was a day that should have been caught on film.
 
Okay, so I looked at today's list and actually *most* of those tasks were "easy" today. Easy-peasy and quick.

There were 2 that were "complicated"

? Released rescue pigeon back into the wild today.
? Took dog out for a run

The first one sounds easy - like, take pigeon, let go, wave good bye.
But it actually took about an hour in total.
In the barn, the pigeon actually hid in a very inaccessible space.
And it was pure luck that I could catch it there.
And then there was a bit of mishaps-going-on when I released it outside too, so yeah, an hour in total.
And the whole time I was... not nervous... but that kinda anxious where you are realllly crossing your fingers the whole time that it'll be okay and your mind is racing with "what do I do if such-and-such happens"

The second is always nerve-wracking, cos he's a rescue dog and is basically a bit stoopid socially.
So I never have a moment's peace.
And I'm constantly worried he'll run onto the road, so I'm scanning for cars the whole time.
And then he wanders off til he's completely out of sight, cos he doesn't listen when I call when he's run off.
So there was all that...
And then as he was coming back, the postman pulled up in his car and my dog went racing towards his car (he usually barks at the postman like craaaazy) and I was like OMG this is going to end in tears... but then, pooch was actually really nice and easy going and came when called and I was like PHEW and postman was like PHEW and we were both giggling and laughing about it.

So yeah. All other tasks easy, those ones not so much.

I think from now on, if a task is like that, I'll just write "turned out complicated/ stressful" in brackets behind the task.
Cos can't always be bothered explaining stuff, but you are right... To get an actual sense of achievement, that stuff should kinda play a role and not be minimised away...

:hug:
 
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