Re-parenting Ourselves.

[JustBe]

I agree Brit. I poured everything into parenting my kids and I don't regret it.

 

[raven123]

Raven thank you very much for posting that. It was really helpful to me. I will use those in myself. I am just becoming aware of how cruel and harsh the inner critic is and how my inner child believes it. I am going to really practice being nurturing to myself.

I have an "other" (Allie) and she picked up on doing the parenting but in a friend way. She's a couple of years younger than me but an adult. We do that with each other. I'm dominant, but we share the body. She's my last "other" and we're together till the end. She was worried about that recently.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I always used to tell my kids, I am the parent and it is your job to be the kids. They at least had a childhood. My daughter is a wonderful mom, way better than me. I am so proud of her. My grandkids have very high self esteem. They are each a one of a kind person and know who they are. They are a joy to be around. They can express themselves very well. I got into therapy because I was getting angry at my son and I hated myself for it and couldn't seem to stop and I knew I needed help.

 

[Ayasha]

You know, this is something I'm actually working on now. I shut myself away for so long that I've been a bit of an adult since I was really young yet I don't understand many things we learn as children. I've not trusted most people due to my history.

I am still a dependent on my parents so financially I'm still a kid but mentally I've had to take care of myself since I was a little girl. There are actually times where I tell my parents things and they reply that I never told them about it and that's because I didn't think they cared.

As for re-parenting, I'm having to learn it's okay to feel (and express, this one scares me) emotions. I am having to be my own parent when it comes to ptsd, which is so frustrating that I can't stand it--the best example I have is the holidays. My mother's family comes to visit every year and the person who caused all my problems usually tags along; when I called my mom upset at this thought she didn't understand and couldn't guarantee the family wouldn't visit (which is in her power to control).

I was having bad nightmares over the problem until I went to meet my counselor who reminded me that this is a time where I need to be my own parent. So I am, I have made arrangements to be far away from the situation in case they visit.

I'm still scared of the outcome though, but I suppose that's normal.

 

[raven123]

Ayasha, I became an "adult" at like 5 years old from what I've been able to discover. Most of my childhood memories are gone. It was hell. My rape by the two perps (male and female) at 3 1/2 years old and my abusive sperm donor stole my childhood. Not sure on PTSD. I believe it started at 27. I've never felt love or affection as a result of all that. I've numbed since during the rape (it lasted for hours).

 

[Thinkingman85]

I'm on Prozac. It is helping alleviate feelings of guilt, alienation, and hopelessness. For five years, I tried all the self parenting in the world, but my depression wouldn't lift. As I'm feeling better on the medication, I'm becoming aware of how things in my life are more trivial than how I previously perceived them. I think with medication, therapy, and a hopeful attitude, the parenting process will be easier. Some people I look up to for inspiration are Gary Null, Tony Robbins, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Richard Dawkins, etc. Also, I enjoy reading philosophical quotes containing wisdom. These resources guide me in parenting myself and glorifying my self worth.

 

[shell]

Since I started re-parenting my child self, I find I sleep at night, I no longer have nightmares, and I am not as hard on the little girl that was abused, in that I believe that she was not responsible for her abuse.

She now has a teddy, is listened to regularly, but especially when she is hurting. I have more respect for the person she was, and I am comfortable placing the blame exactly where it belonged. Part of listening to my child self was to cut my parents out of my life, giving her more safety, and it gave me more peace within my life.

I can't tell you how sceptical I was when it was discussed that I needed to give her empathy and start listening, but it has given me so much more stability, I am converted.

 

[Ayasha]

I can't tell you how sceptical I was when it was discussed that I needed to give her empathy and start listening, but it has given me so much more stability, I am converted.

Thank you for that, it gives me hope I'll stop blaming myself for what happened because by blaming myself I'm blaming a child for something she could not have controlled.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My inner child believes all of the lies, false accusations etc from my abusive parents. She blames herself. She is starting to tell me the horrible things she believes about herself. I have my work cut out for me. I like this thread.
Everyone has offered so many good things to help me. I really appreciate the responses. They are helping me so much. Thank you all of you.