Re-visiting The Past

[Deleted member 38644]

A therapist has a word for this but I forgot it already. I'm constantly re-visiting my past including re-living the past not in control of anything. It feels almost a routine everyday thing. I can't handle relationships or communication. I basically bullied this new guy I met saying all mean things to him. I can't explain it but I described it as a feeling of re-living a situation trying to correct past incidents and prevent them from happening. I'm basically filled with anger. Everything so routine that I don't recognize what I'm doing. I also said that I want to try the in patient care because I'm tired of feeling like this. I deleted all my social media accounts because this is horrible. I'm currently packing my things preparing for this visit. I thank everyone for helping me. I wish well for others on here, everyone has come a long way.

 

[Lost-lady]

I think the word might be ruminating
Like visiting that ugly place over and
Keeping it alive inside your head

 

[ChandraD]

My daughter has this pattern in her relationships. She was abandoned by her birthmother. Every time she gets close to a female, she pushes them away to see if they will love her no matter what. It's like she is trying to fix the original abandonment. She is 15 and we have taught her the word "sabotage" to explain what she is doing. She tries really hard to stop, but it always ends up happening. Now she doesn't want to get close to anyone because she doesn't want to hurt them. It is really sad.

 

[Deleted member 38644]

My daughter has this pattern in her relationships. She was abandoned by her birthmother. Every time...

This is me totally. I get into this pattern where I'm comfortable sabotaging someone else to see do you want sex or whatever else from me or can you put up with me. It's like I would wrather make you think bad of me instead of good. I try to stop it but it's like a routine. Everything I do I repeat it like a everyday routine.

 

[Deleted member 38644]

I think the word might be ruminating
Like visiting that ugly place over and
Keeping it alive inside...

Yes I believe this is it I thank you

 

[ChandraD]

This is me totally. I get into this pattern where I'm comfortable sabotaging someone else to see...

Perhaps look into attachment disorder. This is a characteristic of children with Reactive Attachment Disorder. In adults it can look like borderline personality disorder. There are different types of attachment we create in childhood depending on our caregivers. These themes carry themselves out over and over until we deal with the initial wound and come to terms with it. I would ask, if people getting close to you scares the hell out of you. If they don't get close, they can't hurt you. Also, if I show you how bad I can be and you still love me, then I will trust you. Just some thing to consider.