Perhaps this is a debrief or a chat out loud, better out than in. Losing sense of time, all moments are interrupting and interlinking, weaving. Brain very foggy, tired, feeling chilled, body is sore and which reality, moment is this one, is this the aftermath of all of them or is it the now things. Overwhelming memories. It is similar to walking down a corridor and many, many doors are slightly ajar and in the rooms are the traumas. Tryng to close them yet the handles fall off when turned or fall off when pulling them. Overwhelming triggers of recent and further ones coming up, days of significance (hospital appt, birthday). Feeling fear, jumpy as if I should not be typing; keeping quiet is safer. Hyper yet beyond exhausted, have to keep going, yet not much is done. Pushing shites uphill for far to long, many years and too many violations and losses. Perhaps past medical notes are correct "with or without therapy and/or medications there will be no significant improvement-permanent injuries" and "she will never be a mother".
Uphill each sideways moment and when there is sleep there is peace and tranquility, trusting there is joy in dreams, wake up hours there is little joy only forced smiles and isolation beckons further while authentic smiles within, fade into dreams, another place and time.
Uphill each sideways moment and when there is sleep there is peace and tranquility, trusting there is joy in dreams, wake up hours there is little joy only forced smiles and isolation beckons further while authentic smiles within, fade into dreams, another place and time.
