Realization!

[healingangel90]

I've been thinking about flashbacks a lot lately. I was really confused for a while about whether what I thought were flashbacks were actual flashbacks. I think I might've just figured out what it is and why I was so confused. I was just reading about types of flashbacks, and I think what happens to me is that when I'm thinking about the details of my abuse, I have this quick one second long image - but image makes it sound like I'm seeing a picture; it's more a quick clip of a video almost (always one of 3 things), and then I feel what I think is a body memory which is the part that overwhelms me. I wasn't sure what the body memory part had been. Sorry I know this probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but I'm just weirdly excited that I figured out what exactly it was. I don't want to give details of the body memory and trigger anybody, but it leaves me curled up like a ball in bed with lots of covers on me, almost like I'm trying to keep my abuser away from me.

 

[ClairBear226]

When I have a flashback, they're usually longer, but what you describe sounds similar. It isn't "just" a visual thing, and mine are rarely like a film reel. Mine are bits and pieces of things that happened in short little bits. But the sights, smells and sensations are all there too, as if it were actually occuring again. The fight or flight response is the same, almost like it's stuck in repeat mode, like a broken record that keeps skipping.

 

[Fernbrake]

Hi Angel and Clair, I'm sorry you have to deal with this now :( I think you both are very awesome for sharing your vulnerablilty, it is helpful for me to know I am not the only one. I have had one flashback, I think.

I kinda feel like I make things up and at the same time feel like I'm recalling a memory I've always known but never talked about. It's so weird. It's not a movie, almost a thought outside of my head alltogether. I have no memories of my childhood so this is very hard for me to understand.