Really Bad Flashback - I've Upset My Family Badly

[ButterflyBean]

Hi macca,

I can't tell you what to do about the space thing, except to follow your gut! You know yourself and your needs better than anyone, although I know it's hard to trust yourself in situations where vulnerability is probably extremely high!

If you have a therapist, and this is one of the "worst" flashbacks you've ever had, I strongly encourage you to call him or her! You don't have to deal with the aftermath alone, and I'm certain he or she would want to support you right now! Can calling him or her be a starting point? Then, you can make decisions with your husband about the race after speaking with your therapist?

Hang in there; one step at a time! You are strong despite your current emotional weakness! Thinking of you!

~Holly

 

[digger]

I guess it will take time for you both to adjust to having PTSD in the house. I'm single so I don't have the problem of having to think about how it's affecting a partner (although I do have to consider how it affects my son, but that's a bit different) but I imagine he is going to have to find a new set of coping skills too to learn how to deal with it and how to support you with it all. Maybe when the dust has settled a bit looking at the supporters section on here and/or checking in with how he feels about to talking to either you or someone else about it might help?

 

[KP the nut]

@macca, do you think your Husband would join the forum. It may help him to talk to other supporters.

 

[Eleanor]

It sounds like your husband has issues of his own. (Sorry if this is pointing a flashlight at the obvious.) Shouting is not effective discipline for a teenager. (Or anyone else for that matter.)

I'm with KP. Living with PTSD is hard. It is harder when you don't own your own stuff if you are a supporter.

I think it is a sensible idea to take a couple of days of quiet for yourself if that seems to you like what would be most helpful to regaining your equilibrium. Worth your consideration anyhow, if it is a practical possibility.

 

[macca]

Digger1 and KP - great idea - I'll see if he'd like to check in with the supporters, though I suspect he may not. I'm actually a little scared of him reading my posts. I'm not sure what his reaction would be to this one for instance, and I think he'll easily guess which ones are mine. I haven't even told him I'm posting on here - I don't know why. Maybe I do, it's my little space all of my own. Is that from my 'abnormal' reactions I wonder, or do others do that too?

Eleanor - I think you're right, and he may have some of his own stuff. He gets angry, but completely denies his anger, unless he's slammed a door or something, then he says it wasn't that bad, and finds a way to 'justify' it. Big angry men are very triggering for me, so it's easy for him (and even for me) to ascribe it to my over-reaction rather than his. I guess I can't blame him for that, I denied my PTSD for a very long time, insisting I was fine. I think he has a little of the "there can't be anything wrong with me" that I had, though I'm pretty sure he'd disagree. A couple of months back he agreed to see his own therapist, so I'm going to wait until things settle down a bit and gently see if he might do that.

Thankfully, I think he's going to go to the triathlon after all, and that will give me relative peace for a day and a half.

 

[KP the nut]

I haven't even told him I'm posting on here

Although my husband is very supportive, it took ages before I told him I was posting here.

I don't know why. Maybe I do, it's my little space all of my own. Is that from my 'abnormal' reactions I wonder, or do others do that too

If it is abnormal, then we are abnormal together:eek:.

 

[macca]

For anybody wondering, my husband did end up going. I'm glad, as I'd have hated him to miss out on my account, plus the other guys would have ended up missing out too, and that's not right.

It turned out that the house was more peaceful, so that part was good. He hasn't been away since my flashbacks started up again really badly, so that part was hard. I didn't have a flashback, but I did have really bad nightmares. I'm currently triggered by the dark, so thought I would be ok if I just slept with the lights on. Turns out that just being alone in my room at night is troublesome right now.

Anyway, we ended up sorting it out, his reaction to my flashback of the other day. He was badly thrown by the sheer terror in my eyes, and that he'd inadvertently triggered it. I guess I was reacting to his reaction so to speak, due to emotional abuse growing up. What a mess I am. He does have stuff to sort out himself, but I'm waiting until I'm in a better space before I can feel able to talk to him about it.

Thanks everybody, it was so healing to reach out and to receive emotional support :shy: