Really, Really, Agitated

[Bill Dickerson]

I curb sometimes for scrap, things to repair, Etc. Keeps me busy.

It's legal but sometimes you run into security guys who are badge heavy and are rude.

This guy tonight got out of his truck and physically confronted me and threatened to have me arrested. Needless to say it took a great deal of self control to maintain a civil discussion.

It's always the same area. Most of the time it's not a problem. I'm just really, really, agitated. Maybe it's just not worth the stress and I'll stay away from the area.

On the other hand I'm just very stubborn when I know I'm right. I know sometimes you get someone who is feels threatened because your not threatened by him. Somebody like that can be dangerous.

In the street it's not a good idea to try discuss legal with an asshole.

It's just really hard to calm down and let it go sometimes.

Anybody else have this problem.

 

[Philippa]

For years I was like this.

In the first year after I was sexually assaulted, I was so agitated, and living in a one room bungalow with my then boyfriend. Suffice it to say, it did not last.

I was too hostile and agitated to be with someone who was managing so well in their life and who was supportive at first, but gradually lost patience and got more and more involved in his own career and stopped giving me that support.

I was part of another forum, where I was constantly being told I was attacking people there, and hurting people...but I really didn't see that I was, or think that was my intent. I was blunt sure...but the more I got accused of things I didn't see as my behaviour, and the more I got accused of things I wasn't, like being racist when it was a case of misunderstanding, the more I did get agitated in the end, adn started to exhibit the behaviour I was being accused of.

At one point I felt like I was walking around constantly agitated by everyone and everything. There was no relief from it.

I'm glad that isn't the case so much these days, but I still do flare up every now and then, especially when it comes to communication misunderstandings, which happen all the time.

 

[KatB]

I get very agitated a lot. I wasn't like this before. I know certain things would bother me, here and there but now, almost everything bothers me. I am just very edgy. What gets to me the most is the smell of marijuana. I hold a very strong ground against it but this really gets under my skin and I just get irritable. You can hold your own opinions on it but smells like that aren't very pleasing to my smell "buds".

 

[maddog]

I'm afraid I relate very much to this too. I am extremely extremely reactive to confrontation, particularly of the subtle intimidation or standover tactic variety, the unfortunate thing being that I tend to respond with a very volatile, very turbulent, often highly changeable mix of storming rage and desperate triggered distress and fear. Fear aggression is a huge hurdle for me, one which I successfully conquer in a sad minority of cases while in the heat of the moment, and tend to react to with enduring distress for some time afterwards, a state which can actually last for days.

This thread is uncannily real and timely for me right here and right now. I had just such a confrontation with the owner of my local gym this morning, which is part of an ongoing saga. Suffice to say his behaviour was intimidating, strident and coldly threatening, and at the time mine was that of fearless seething calm, a factor which as you say, often increases the danger factor in the other person when that person is so inclined.

Sadly, my reaction in the aftermath is extreme anxiety and flashback-type distress. The fact that this response waited until I was free of the offending person before taking over is possibly one of the greatest strokes of good luck I have had in a long time.

I guess I say all of that simply to say... I understand.

Maddog

 

[Bill Dickerson]

Mary Jane gives me headache but I associate it with drug raids. I get a little tense. I suppose I associate it with the stress of a raid.

I guess it's the lack of control. The act of being bullied is distasteful. Normally I'm controlling the situation and I'm uncomfortable with the lack of control. I guess my ego is a little bruised. It seems I have really challenged the security guys sphere of influence. I guess he's use to people apologizing and running away. He doesn't like it that I ignore him.

I doubt it's worth all of the angst. I find it difficult to calm down since every time I lay down the thing pops back into my head and I'm angry all over again.

Maybe I should try to see if legal services will assist me. It might make me feel better if I take some control back.

 

[KatB]

I guess it's the lack of control. The act of being bullied is distasteful. Normally I'm controlling the situation and I'm uncomfortable with the lack of control. I guess my ego is a little bruised.

I believe it's exactly that which bothers us the most: the want of control and therefore, the lack of. I have always liked being in control of something or knowing that I have power to control it, but because of whatever extreme circumstances faced in life, we feel like we have lost it. It all goes back to wanting to feel safe.

 

[Philippa]

I had a moment yesterday when I felt that rage meter rising in me. I was having blood taken out of me by a new doctor that I took an immediate dislike to and found her very invasive in her questions, which were irrelevant to why I was there.

She totally missed my vein the first time around and then told me I had a "collapsed vein that had no blood in it" when I looked down and saw that she had missed the vein alltogether and the vein that was clearly blue and full of blood was about 2cm away from where she had jabbed me. I asked her a simple question about what she said, and she started to sound threatening in her voice, as though she wanted me to stop asking her questions, and talked to me like I was an annoying little kid.

If I hadn't have had a needle in me at the time, and HAD to stay still, I'm not sure how I would have reacted, but I had to bite my tongue just to get through the experience without shaking and possibly causing myself pain from the needle.

 

[Bill Dickerson]

I hate a lot of doctors. Some treat you like a human and can relate. They are sometimes hard to find. The ones who act like their crap don't stink and your a meat Popsicle I deplore.

Unfortunately I've worked security at a hospital and I have no problem telling them where to get off. Some are members of the human race and others act like your the wad of gum on their shoe.

I respect the title and the long years of school it takes but if they were a jerk and socially inept before school only a few can change that after school. Take it from me she was practicing. Very few doctors will stoop to the level of taking blood. Next time tell them you would like a nurse to take your blood since your a difficult stick. They throw out it's a collapsed vein since they are perfect and it's your vein that's the problem. Throw the BS right back and ask for another since your a difficult to stick.

 

[Philippa]

Thanks, I will do that next time.;)

I felt like if I said what I wanted to say, it would just erupt into this fullscale war right there in her office with this needle sticking out of me.

That was incentive enough to just shut up and get the hell out when she was done. Unfortunately, there was no nurse, as it was a medical centre...so a doctors office in other words, not a hospital.

 

[Bill Dickerson]

I'm still agitated but I sent my issue to a local lawyer who is unique enough that she "might" find it interesting.

It is making me feel better just to have done something practical.