Really Struggling Today - First Post

[Jenelib]

Hello everyone!
This is my first time posting a thread - thanks for reading and for sharing! I've already found support in reading what other people have to say.

I am really struggling today. This day last year my partner and I lost a baby during pregnancy. That set me into a huge depression - and as I sought therapy, I was diagnosed with PTSD - as a result of an extremely abusive previous relationship. As it turns out, unknowingly, I had been living with PTSD for 6-7 years; something about that loss just set things in high gear. I guess that's the best way to put it.

I was out of work for four months, back now, but missing work today (and off and on the past 3 weeks). Today my partner is visiting family an hour away. He didn't remember that today was 'the day' till I reminded him - in a very angry way. (I have pretty bad problems with controlling my anger - lashing out in the wrong ways)

Our relationship is struggling and I'm struggling, and I'm missing work again, yet I'm trying to do something different. Trying not to let this sadness take over. But at the same time, I just want to *&$*#&$ scream!

I think I'm just feeling sad today. A bit alone. Confused. I know I should go outside, do something, get moving - that's what everyone says. At the same time, I just want to feel sad for a little bit.

I could go on and on, but I think I'll just stop here. Thanks for reading! I really am finding hope here on this site and starting to see, through supporter posts, what my partner might be feeling as well.

Thank you everyone for supporting me and each other!

Best,
J

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Hello,

Welcome to the forum. :)

I am not sure how much my advice will help. You might know it already.

Like you said getting up and move is great advice, becasue when you exercise it makes happy hormones in your brain. And those can help battle the depression you are feeling. But I also know how hard it is to get moving when you feel depressed.

I would also suggest reading this forum. I learned that when I accepted that I have PTSD and read about it, the easier it become to deal with. Maybe join in on one of the chit chat threads. Laughing really helps too.

Take care and hang in there. :)

 

[Belle]

((((Jenelib))))
I think sometimes just giving yourself permission to be sad for a day or so is okay.
I relate to living with PTSD and not knowing (I was living with it for over 10 years!)

 

[Pale Warrior]

Hi Jenelib,

I agree with Belle, don't be too hard on yourself at this time. Anniversaries can be extremely hard, the world has moved on and suddenly you are right back there flooded with memories.

Are you seeing anyone, a therapist or the like? I know from experience that it helps and with a skilled doctor much of the pain can be eased.

Try to take some time out for yourself, to grieve and let the tears come.

PW, x

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, and welcome. I am glad you wrote you feel sad. i agree it sounds like a anniversary reaction.

Everyone already said it all and I do not have much to add. Lots of good help and support herel

keep coming back and vent and rant and just plain grievel Keep on sharing how you feel and get it out of you so it does'nt fester. this is a good place. No crazymaking or high drama, very decent and civilized. Take care of you. hug.

 

[woundedsoul]

Welcome! So sorry to hear of your loss. I agree with what has been said about anniversaries, they can be draining and feel like mini trauma's, so please take good care of you. Whatever way you can find to comfort yourself, a hot, hot bath, or as other's have suggested, feel what you need to feel, do what you can to lift yourself out of this, a comedy? and allow yourself the release of grief you feel for your loss in a way that honors you and those feelings. Please take great care of you during this very difficult time.