Reasons To Recover

[stayingalive86]

I'm finding recovery very hard at the moment. I almost don't see a point in trying because I'm afraid it'll still win in the end. I will think I'm free, then it will come back to this and one day I will give up. I emailed my doctor. I'm at work I obviously can't really hurt myself here, but I may need to call a hotline tonight. I wasn't to lgive up. I'm scared it will never get better.

 

[Justmehere]

:hug:s to you if you accept them.

I'm glad you are reaching out to your doctor and here. Calling a hotline is a great idea. In addition to hotlines, there are also online crisis chats.

Recovering from PTSD is hard and feeling the grief of what has been lost is painful. The feeling of hopelessness, the fear of it never ending, that's a part of PTSD itself. From you introduction post, it sounds like you have been through some recent loses with your mother turning your family against you. That's really tough. I don't know exactly what you are going through but I can related. When I first had my entire family leave my life, I lost a lot of hope for awhile. It was hard, but it got better and my outlook on my recovery changed.

It is absolutely worth it to continue to work towards recovery.

One of my reasons is that I don't want to bastards who abused me to win. If I end my life, they win. If I kill myself, it's perpetrating against myself.

I hope that you find your reasons for your recovery, and hold on to them. Don't let go of life. You are not alone in this.

 

[shell]

I'm finding recovery very hard at the moment. I almost don't see a point in trying because I'm af...

Recovery is very hard, there is no denying that.

I too once felt that life had nothing left to offer me, but I am really glad that I didn't chose to end it all, because if I had I would not be in the position to have changed to how I am now. No doubt there are ups and downs, because that is life, but with the skills from therapy I can regulate myself. I am becoming more skilled at managing how far I swing to the down side. Instead of staying down for days or weeks or months, I am down to hours, and sometimes minutes.

Setting yourself small goals, good therapy, allowing others to support you, and not isolating can help make a difference between managing your daily functioning.

We are always changing, it's important not to make permanent decisions based on a temporary feelings.

 

[Friday]

By that argument... I should kiss my son on his forehead, and go eat my gun tonight.

Not gonna. I got better before, I can get better again.

I'm one of the people who is re-treading. Did this before, had 10 amazing years, and now I'm doing it again. Hell, if someone gave me that option? Of 5 hard years for every 10 amazing years? I'd leap on it. Killing yourself now, because you think that next time (if there is a next time) you won't be strong enough? Burn that bridge when you get to it. For real.

 

[stayingalive86]

It's also recovery from an eating disorder and self harm. The PTSD makes it almost impossible for me to focus on getting better in those categories because I am scared I will just end up killing myself anyway.

 

[Justmehere]

Many people with PTSD develop eating disorders and self harm to handle the pain of the trauma. I have struggled with both myself. I have known a number of people with PTSD who have struggled with both.

Some people with PTSD use sex, drugs, alcohol, perfectionism, unmanned dissociation, etc, to try and handle the pain of the PTSD.

Unhealthy ways of coping with trauma do not make recovery easier. I'll give you that. However, it absolutely does not make recovery impossible. Absolutely not.

Recovery means addressing all of it.

Getting better from the eating disorder and self injury is part of the recovery from the trauma you have been trying so hard to handle.

Thinking that you should kill yourself now because you might kill yourself later anyhow is not the kind of thinking that is going to help you feel better now. It's not something I think you would say to anyone else in your shoes.

We all die someday. Focusing on that is going to make anyone feel down and lose motivation.

Life still has value and is worth living.

No one here can tell you what your reasons for recovery are, but you are worth recovery.

 

[WillyKat]

I've been there too. It's very common with PTSD to spend a lot of time and energy thinking about the future what ifs, or, the past. We, as a groups don't spend a lot of time focussing on the present.

Look into what mindfulness is all about. It's a technique for staying in the present moment. It's also a great way to focus on smaller, attainable goals. Too often we get stuck thinking about gigantic goals, like: getting over it, healing. These concepts are hard to grasp and loom over us like giant mountains. By staying more in the present, you focus on getting through the day, the next meal, the next meeting, the next commute home, or whatever. By having more attainable goals, we learn what it feels like to have a success, and that becomes a platform for the next success.

In terms of reasons: think of others, just like you, that might benefit from you surviving all this crap. Picture yourself two years down the road and seeing a post on this forum from someone having a hard time like you are now. And picture yourself giving them a small piece of advice or encouragement. This can happen, and that may give someone courage to keep going. Your suffering gives you perspective and that can mean something important to someone else.

A big hug from me if that's OK with you.

 

[Ronin]

In terms of reasons: think of others, just like you, that might benefit from you surviving all this crap.

Seconding this. Many times one of the few motivations I have. I've found often bits I haven't even considered? If shared, are something that may change other people's direction in their healing, may be exactly what they need to start healing, may be that 'You're not alone, you are here for a reason, you were very alone before but you don't have to be, your life matters' sentence they need.

I can't ever know how will my existence benefit others, beforehand. Focusing only on the possible harm will do no one any good.

 

[WillyKat]

I've found that getting on the forum, and trying to be helpful to others where I think I have something intelligent to say...it's like I'm hearing it myself from someone else. Kinda weird. It's like someone else is helping me.

@stayingalive86, you might try, maybe today, maybe some other time, reviewing your life as if it were a country road winding back to a point you can barely make out. There are turns, bridges, and other paths, but you ended up still alive. When I did this, I found something I hardly ever considered before: moments when I made good decisions, when I didn't shoot myself, got help, etc. Your road may be similar. That path was directed by something deep inside you that you can call core worth.

Core worth is something you're born with. Like a gem, it can't be altered by circumstances or hard knocks in life. It remains as it was in the beginning. Your core worth is something, once you can see it (difficult), can be shared with others to help them heal. There's your purpose, your reason.

 

[redstone]

I've found that getting on the forum, and trying to be helpful to others where I think I have something...

Core worth CORE WORTH
Now that is a powerful concept. Right now I will take a momement to sit with that part of me. To experience a possible alternative to the despair that is encroaching. Thank you, Staying Alive, for this thread that reached me tonight and to willycat.

 

[WillyKat]

Core worth is a concept I stole from a shrink named Gerald Schiraldi, from his book The PTSD Sourcebook (or something like that).

 

[redstone]

Core worth is a concept I stole from a shrink named Gerald Schiraldi, from his book The PTSD...

Steal away - steal and share.I have to hear or read something a squillion times before it hits home.
Thanks