Rebelling against what's good for you?

[Teasel]

I can be extroadibarily rebellious against what's good for me. It has frustrated me my whole life.

And loosely I think it may be at least partially down to a neglectful abusive upbringing with parents who didn't believe me re the sexual abuse, scapegoated me, were either invasive or physically abusive or neglectful and who expected me to perform well at school in order to show what good parents they were / because I was expected to obey them.

Now I have such troubles rebelling against what I ought to do. Even things i want to do.! It's so bloody frustrating :banghead:

Anyone else like this? Anyone gotten past it? Or got any insights anything?

I haven't binged in a very long time but just have, having decided the other day to try and lose weight. :meh:

I know I tend to give in to the rebel cause I probably feel I'm onto a losing battle otherwise but I could really do with being able to function!!!

I'm aware that sometimes I rebel against whatever it might be that I want to do or feel I ought do so much that I actually then can rebel against the rebellion.
Tis farcical...

 

[Leighlee87]

Oh my Lord, yes. Sometimes, I swear I'm defiant just for the sake of being defiant. Im my worst enemy much of the time. Right now I'm in the world's biggest fight because my psychiatrist is forcing me to get weighed on my next visit, so I've stopped eating. Serves her right. Immature? Yes. Can I help it? No. And I'm only hurting me. I seem to test the waters with everyone around me including my therapist and anyone else who tries to help me. I think if I can push back and know that no one is going to hold me down so to speak, then I can feel safe. Bust other times, I abuse myself in a sense because there is no one else there to abuse me. It's part because I miss the familiarity of it for some reason. It keeps me close to the people . And also because deep down I think I deserve it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Anyone else like this?

Yep!

This, for me, I think stems from my past as well. Grew up in a cult but had to get As in school to show how "normal" we were. Thankfully I was and still am a great student and love to learn.

I do rebell against things I should be doing. Taking it to the most extreme. I think it helped to have my therapist holding me accountable and that I really respected him thus wouldn't rebell against him and what he asked of me but I have bucked up against everything else.

It also helps to identify that is what you are doing, rebelling, as once I identify it, it is easier to stop and do what I should do or make microplans to lead me in that direction.

I'm not sure if that makes sense or helps. I haven't fully gotten past this and is always a work in progress. I still see myself bucking at sound advice here and I think it's the same thing. So I don't have advice on how to fully get past it but, in my experience, it takes a lot of work seeing it and working past each one many times to eventually change it.

 

[Teasel]

I swear I'm defiant just for the sake of being defiant.

I am guessing there must be some kind of similar root to your defiance and my rebelliousness - though I don't relate to feeling defiant.
I wonder what it is?
Why do you think you get defiant?

It also helps to identify that is what you are doing, rebelling, as once I identify it, it is easier to stop and do what I should do

In my case I seem to be able to identify that this is what I'm doing lightning fast and it doesn't help me stop it!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I seem to be able to identify that this is what I'm doing lightning fast and it doesn't help me stop it!

I think identifying it is the first step. Can you identify it while it is happening or after? If you can get to identify it while it is happening, can you challenge those thoughts and behaviors or make tiny little microplans to changing it?

Like, if I am in the middle of rebelling against posts here, lets say, there may be rebellious thoughts I can challenge or if I am in the middle of rebellous behaviors I can try to stop and think about it and then try to change those behaviors.

Or, I can write down some past rebellion and then make small little challenges and plans of how to think and behave next time.

Does that make any sense? It is something I still struggle with and it seems like it is hard to write out what I trying to say.

 

[Teasel]

What you say makes perfect sense.
However my reaction upon hearing the suggestion to challenge the rebelliousness was to roar with laughter :laugh:

Does this make me a hopeless case :D

But seriously, having struggled with this for decades now my experience has been that the quickest way for me to get out of revelling against for eg trying to lose weight, is to tell myield and follow through on allowing myself to eat as much as I like. It seems to use up tge rebellious streak and then I can again begin to behave a bit more like an adult...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Does this make me a hopeless case :D

Nope, it makes you human! ;)

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes @Bearlinda I do, and though it's like rebelliousness, not sure if it always is? When a stranger, yes, when not I think it might be fear/ no worth (feeling?).

It's like knee-jerk.

:hug:

 

[Friday]

Oh, for sure. Do it all the time.

Binging before going on a diet, though, I'd class more in the "Last Hurrah!" & "Says goodbye with difficulty." category. Anytime I've decided to give something up? There's going to be a bit of a farewell party attached to it. The sticky wicket is when I decide to extend the party indefinitely, as I'm having such a good time >.>

<cough> That's ALSO when I've learned that I can have my cake and eat it, too, 99% of the time. Meaning that I've just discovered a want. I'm bad with wants. Recognizing them. Once I have? It gives me more options. Okay, this thing I expected to be fine with I've just thrown a party for, and have now handcuffed myself to them in their car as they're trying to leave. Maybe I'm NOT quite as fine as I expected to be. Okay. So how can I sort this, so I'm not losing something I want, but still getting this other thing I ALSO want? There's almost always a way. And when I find that way to have both things? <grin> Then we're talking major lifestyle change I can actually live with, and enjoy, rather than grit my teeth through.

One of the huge benefits of being an adult on my own recog. I can change my mind, and adapt to changing circumstances... As it suits me.

 

[The Albatross]

I don't volunteer to shoot myself in the foot/cut my own throat except for cigs. Just sayin'.

 

[Teasel]

I don't volunteer to shoot myself in the foot/cut my own throat except for cigs. Just sayin'.[/QU...

HeH?

 

[The Albatross]

Rebelling against something good for me is kinda an oxymoron. I get sunshine, I do activities, I eat reasonably, I manage my mood/mindset/feelings/stress/depressive tendencies/anxiety/ptsd.... I do that every day. EVERY day. Except cigs. I gave em up for 5 years and haven't been able to (yet) do that again.

I got enough issues without a duplicitous mindset. Can you think of a way to initiate change? Self fulfilling prophecies/self actualization in detrimental areas are so... self defeating.