Recent Trauma-Extended CPTSD

[blindcynic]

I find myself flailing helplessly in the wind. I was just assaulted in my home about a month ago, and I am adrift in all the characteristics of an episode. One day I'm up and about, pretending to be okay and for the last three days all I have done is go through the motions and sleep.

My decision making skills are gone, I am contemplating cheating on my partner (not done so), rapid and growing panic attacks. My therapist doesn't know how to help and today when I went to the Pycharist office for my appt, she's out sick. so who knows when I'll be able to reschedule and be able to get some help. I am scared of group therapy.

Luckily I know that my partner will return home today and give me that long awaited hug i've been needing.

I don't know how to heal this trigger. but I do know that I will overcome this one day soon, and go back to leading an almost healthy life.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I'm sorry that you went through what you did. Being assaulted is bad enough, but to have it happen in your own home makes it all the more difficult to deal with. I do hope though that you will not act upon what you are contemplating, cheating on your partner. That would be a really bad move on your part, and yet I know how hard it is when the PTSD is flaring, to NOT act out our thoughts/feelings.

Try and hang onto the fact that you are strong and can overcome this........I wish you well!!!

 

[Manic11]

I agree with what was said above. It's bad enough to have this happen in your own home! I went through abuse in my home, in my room and in my bed so the whole house was scary. I didn't even have a safe room to go to!

After talking to my therapist about this, she explained to me that I need to claim that back. Claim back your house, your room (or where ever it happened). Put pictures up that help calm you, sayings on the walls, make new positive memories in your house. Even have your husband help you with this by just being with him where it happened and overcoming the fear. You're safe now. You're with him. Reclaim it. You can do it! We both can!

Manic

 

[blindcynic]

The hardest part is everything has changed since the trauma. The people I hung out with everyday, their kids are my godsons, have banished me. It was the bf who attacked
my house trying to get to his kids. She, of course, forgave him instantly. (watching a cycle of abuse that I have went through myself-trigger) and they have named me the bad guy.(trigger) My partner has been out of town due to work (trigger)

My C-PSTD is due to severe childhood abuse trauma. ALL of this is triggers.

Yet I have this calm facade I'm wearing, afraid of when it will break.

I can say I'm doing the best I feel I can cope. I'm doing deep muscle relaxation twice a day. Mental Imagery Meditation, and reaching out via this forum.

I don't think this will get any easier until after his court date. I am the key witness and he was my friend.

Kris

 

[blindcynic]

And thank you everyone for your kind and supporting words.