Undiagnosed Recent Victim Of Violent Home Invasion & Suffering

[JAG]

Hi, I found this site while searching for resources to help overcome the overwhelming emotions I've experienced since being attacked in my home recently. I had been visiting family for the weekend so I got home (live alone) late.

My house was hot so I opened the doors while the AC clicked on and when I came back into my living room, I saw a large figure and was immediately hit in the head repeatedly, knocked to the ground, and had a cord wrapped around my neck. By the grace of God, I was given a choice- My attacker would leave but if I dared call the police or sought justice, he would find me. He said he didn't want to hurt me and just wanted a quick "cash grab" so I agreed and pointed him to some of the valuables I had on hand.

I never filed the police report but I'm still overcome with fear, anger, guilt, sadness, anxiety, and pretty much every other emotion other than happiness or feeling safe. I'm staying with family now, but I fear the longer I refuse to move back into my house, the harder it will be. I was "okay" the first two nights but slowly, I'm feeling more and more afraid of everything, can't sleep at night, having nightmares when I do sleep, and overcome with emotions.

I know this wound is still fresh but I'm looking for support in any way I can. I've never experienced these feelings before. I'm a big guy, over 6 and a half feet tall and 300+ pounds, so I have always had this inherent sense of personal safety. I'm scared that these feelings are going to be a part of my new life and tirelessly and unsuccessfully trying to separate out the temporary vs permanent scars.

Thanks for reading and thanks for sharing all of your stories! I've already gained so much just by reading.

 

[hodge]

Welcome, Jag, and hang in there. I was home invaded, too, once, but by an abusive ex. Just wrote about it in my diary here. It can really help to find therapy. Meds might also help right now.

 

[JAG]

Thank you for the advice and sharing your story. I'm sorry that you went through a similar circumstance. It's something that I never could've imagined the impact of. I am definitely pursuing the therapy route as well.

I haven't thought much about meds but it is something that I would consider in the event that my doctor recommends any. My GP did give me anti anxiety meds to help sleep but I stopped taking them because of the fear of something happening at night and being too groggy to respond or react.

 

[hodge]

Yeah, I know how that feels. My brain has changed so much that not even sleep meds work for me. I'm too hypervigilent. But I'm recently starting a technique in therapy called Thought Field Therapy. It has mixed reviews, but I'm going to give it a good shot, because I've tried everything else to no avail. It's about trying to heal the brain through tapping accupressure points on the body. It does affect me. Good luck!

 

[JAG]

Yeah, I know how that feels. My brain has changed so much that not even sleep meds work for me. I'm too hy...

Wow. That's good to know. I'm not necessarily "anti-meds" but I will always try natural methods whenever possible. I was in an accident when I was younger and acupuncture actually helped with headaches and pain so acupressure therapy is definitely something I am going to look into. Thank you!

 

[shimmerz]

There is something uniquely terrifying about being terrorized in your own home. My heart goes out to you.

 

[JAG]

Thank you for the well wishes, and yes- there really is. I never put much thought into that inherent sense of safety and well being I had when in my home... until it was taken away. That is the one thing I am fighting hardest to get back.

 

[Suzetig]

It sounds like you're having a very normal response to what happened - our whole system gets knocked out of shape when something traumatic happens, it doesn't mean you'll go on to develop PTSD and there are lots of things you can do to help yourself recover.

Do try and take care of yourself, slow down what you'd usually do in a day or week just so you have physical and mental energy to process what's happened. Find a therapist - a good general one would be fine - and try to ignore whatever they "diagnose", they need to justify treatment to your insurer but diagnosis can also lead to a strange kind of confirmation bias where you start developing "symptoms" because that's what X looks like rather than because the symptoms are actually there.

Do things that relax you, even if you don't feel relaxed while doing it - if it usually works keep doing it. And try not to blame yourself either for what happened or for the reactions you're having now. You didn't do anything to deserve being attacked and your responses now are all part of your system trying to cope.

Have a good look around here for suggestions about grounding and self care. Good luck.

 

[JAG]

It sounds like you're having a very normal response to what happened - our whole system gets knocked ou...

Thank you for that insight. I know exactly what you mean. I know the wounds are still fresh so that's why I'm trying to get a grip on them and understand them as they come.

I know how powerful the mind is with things like the "placebo effect" and you make an excellent point... Because I know many retired military men and women who suffer from PTSD, I know the symptoms and always thought that was an advantage. While that might be true, I am definitely going to try and stop focusing on what might come and take each day one step at a time because focusing on what could be might just start affecting what I really am going through.

Thank you again- Honestly. It might not sound like much but your post really resonated with me.

 

[Suzetig]

I'm glad you found it helpful - and welcome to the forum :)

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome! :-)