Recently Told That I Have C-ptsd

[Emilie]

DID/PTSD.

I'm feeling confused and I'd love a fellow DID & PTSD suffer to help sort some things out. I don't see my T until Saturday.

Somehow I'm consciously aware of the flipping...which is even scarier. It's like having an outward voice that speaks for me while I'm in the background like WTF are you saying?! And sometimes I'm not there at all, only that voice. So when certain things happen under one personality, if I wasn't there, I can't remember what happened-- sometimes I can meditate it out of myself. Or I have to damper my emotion to take control over it.

Or is this my primary? If it is, how am I retaining fragmented information from one personality to the other. Only when my emotion is at the polar extreme, my main memory is completely null about what happened under the other.

Hope I'm not confusing

Sometimes too, when my ideas are fighting it out in my head, I "space out". What's that?

Any coping ideas until the weekend? It's not really an emergency so I dont want to interrupt her schedule. But it's really under my skin that I don't get it.

 

[sea]

Being consciously aware of it is not rare, and is actually the norm for quite a few DID/DDNOS patients. The term is co-conscious. Some people believe it is the next stage toward integration, but many people exist in co-conscious states for years at a time. I can't speak from experience as I don't have personalities, merely personified modes of function referred to as fragments. (I am not DID, just DDNOS. But, for the record, states of co-consciousness are actually very common with complex trauma - just not with fully formed personalities.)

I have been completely co-conscious my entire life. In me, the presentation can be very subtle because of this. It is only ever obvious when I am triggered and really way switched out. Sometimes it is so subtle that I feel like I am being myself, but expressing opinions/sentiments/statements/actions that are not congruent with my own personality. Like being drunk without being aware of it. Being capable of rudimentary control is also not uncommon. I have voluntary control over my switching (If a situation arises where I need to do it, I can choose). Though I do it involuntarily when provoked.

That spacing out sounds like dissociation. I zone out a lot too. It is like I just sit and stare. Not capable of any thoughts, not upset, not happy, just sitting. I am aware of sitting, staring, but not much else. People can talk to me and I simply draw a blank, don't know how to respond, then I just ignore them and keep blanking out. It feels like my mind does this as a safety blanket. When I get too overwhelmed I just bury my greater consciousness, so nothing can affect me. To me what you are saying sounds very typical of someone with complex trauma/PTSD/DID.

I can't offer you a whole lot of solutions or coping mechanisms but just wanted to let you know you don't seem like you are presenting strangely.

 

[SimplyComplex]

Sea said it very well. I also don't have DID but have some pretty heavy dissociation ... everything he said rings true, and put much better then I could :)

 

[James B.]

I'm feeling confused and I'd love a fellow DID & PTSD suffer to help sort some things out.

Hello Emilie, i know what it is you're trying to describe as my cptsd is pretty bad. They say the 'false personality' thing is actually very natural, that due to stress - we adopt them, or, they adopt us. it's a coping strategy from within. Emilie, tapping has helped me a lot with this. It may take a while to work through this, but you can.

This may sound hokey - but i encourage you to drink a bunch of water, get comfortable and try it. Magnus deals with 'false personalities' . Good luck.

web search/google: the tapping course

 

[Emilie]

Sea, Thank you so much sea that makes perfect sense to me and that helps me feel not so alone.

I was reading about how DID can be triggered in patients by suggestion of a therapist, and as a result of that I feel very confused. With my diagnosis I assumed DID but I didn't realize that DDNOS was co-occuring with cptsd as well. Assuming made me assess that situation, and I recognized thought patterns as being different personalities. When I did further research I assumed that all of these personalities (akin to drastic mood switches that hold different core belief systems)are in fact one person--me. I think that because I am so ambivalent about many things I do not know about(that I didn't learn as a kid), I formed different stances within separate personalities to cope with my uncertainty a fear of not knowing or not fitting in with people. I would go on dissociative fugues through my teenage years where I would move to different counties with different friends and change my appearance and attitude and beliefs. The past couple days have been extraordinarily difficult for me. I feel like all is in one right now, and I am so depressed that I can't function. (My therapist is taking me to a psychiatrist this week because i have no insurance) Two days ago I totally broke down in my room alone and I felt like I was possessed almost. When I looked in the mirror I didn't know who I was looking at, all I could see was horrible and I layed on the bed and started having a psuedo-seizure. It was like the emotional distress was so unbearable it could only come about by convulsing. It was weird because all of my bodily pains stopped and I was having a flashback of my abuse and saying to myself "Don't touch me, don't beat me, don't hurt me". It was literally the most painful re-living experience I had ever endured and it almost happened again today. I've been literally psychotic for the past few days.

 

[Weazeeeleeeeel]

I know tHus might sound weird, but your reactions are normal ways to me. When I first began to have similar symptoms I got freaked out till I read this book on trauma and read about brain chemistry. Your actually doing what your body needs to do to recover don't be scared of it. If you need a break try magnesium without calcium or valernia, both help to reset brain chesmistrt causedby trauma, also foods high in lithium and low in glutamate ( wheat and diary) help