Recoiling and dissociating from work related tasks

[TheAffectee]

At my last job as a programmer I got severely burned out. I developed memory issues to the point of not recognizing code I wrote myself just ten minutes earlier, and I also got rage problems.

The burnout was probably overwork from carrying projects while my senior colleague was off for having burnout as well, and not having any support or structure. Part of the rage likely comes from breaking my own morals, when I was instructed by the owner to hide that the company had severely lapsed in contractual obligations. Before being laid off I was on sick leave for several months, avoiding anything work related at all.


Now I'm trying to refresh on basics that I know I'll be grilled on during interviews, but I can't handle watching even a few minutes of some online course. When I even look at code I feel physically sick, I might dissociate, or something like "intellectual dissociation" happens where my mind reels back and just refuses to engage.

Has anyone here experienced something similar? Did you find ways to handle or get over it?

 

[Movingforward10]

Triggers are managed essentially the same I think, whatever the trigger. Separating out the current reality from the past that is impacting the moment.

What usually helps with other triggers?

Things that help me:
Speaking out loud (the sound of my adult voice locates me in to the here and now rather than the past. And saying things like "I am safe" or "nothing is happening, it's the past". Would telling yourself out loud that it was never the coding that was the problem help? Because it wasn't coding. It was the environment the coding was done in during that time. So separating those?).

Thought stopping helps. Telling myself "nope, I will come to you later right now I need to do XYZ".

Sometimes it's trial and error.


And job interviews are two way streets. If you have the luxury of being able to choose a job, you are also interviewing them. Is the working culture there one that aligns with your values and will help you manage and do well. Etc.

 

[arfie]

posilutely i experience this. still. i've been retired from tech since 1995 and i still experience the burnout from the grind of daily life. most recently i started my second parenting career with three orphans, ages 6, 3 and 8 months when the tragedy struck.

seeking balance helps me through. whatever the grinds of my day, the grinds need to be balanced with elements which counter the stresses of the day. before an interview, i seek a moment of solitude to balance the social anxiety. i balance long tech stretches with vigorous activity. etc., etc.

And job interviews are two way streets. If you have the luxury of being able to choose a job, you are also interviewing them. Is the working culture there one that aligns with your values and will help you manage and do well. Etc.

i heartily second this logic. i solidly believe that the most common mistake made in job interviews is accepting the job. a bad fit is a bad experience for all.