General Recovering From A Ptsd Relationship

[caligirl03]

While the end of any relationship is hard, I feel like the end of my relationship with my sufferer has been nothing short of excruciating. I was expecting to feel some immediate sense of relief once I was free of the madness, but it's been about 2 months, and I still feel all the same anxiety, disappointment, and utter exhaustion I did while in the relationship. I have to force myself to feign any type of social interest (polar opposite of who I am), am completely uninteresting when I am around others (I'd also like to think this is the polar opposite of who I usually am ha...), and struggle to undertake even basic tasks. I range from missing him so badly it physically hurts to wanting literally nothing to do with him ever again. I suspect my friends and family are all sick of hearing about it so I've stopped telling them, and I think they assume that means I don't want to talk about it, so they don't ask. But the truth is, the pain is still very much the same, I just don't want to continue to bog everyone down with a situation that is so utterly out of everyone's control. Some of them have even tried to encourage me to "get back out there". While I'm sure they're well intentioned, this is the furthest thing from what I want. I want him, but the version of him that I want is long gone. Everyone says to make sure to "take care of myself", and while I appreciate the sentiment, it feels rather elusive. What exactly does taking care of yourself look like, and when can I expect to feel like some semblance of myself again?

 

[Deadman]

Getting some outside help would count as looking after yourself. Maybe talk to a counsellor, therapist, priest? Someone you trust.

 

[Snowflakes]

@caligirl03 You are experiencing secondary stress or fallout from your experience. Taking care of yourself includes therapy for you to heal from your experience. Take care and we are here for you to vent. That helps also.

 

[TheMinsterman]

Take time for yourself.

Do not get back out there, believe me, it won't help even though they're only being kind thinking of you, you need time to heal yourself before you're ready for somebody new. It won't erase the experience or your ex, it never does.

Taking care of yourself looks like investing in yourself again, in focusing on you, so much of PTSD relationships is a constant focus on them, what they're doing etc we lose sight of ourselves. Healing is re-finding yourself and taking care of yourself, that means yes, healing alone when you need that, but also, reengaging with activities you enjoy, going out again, doing things YOU want. No more living around the chaos, but living for you.

 

[Snowflakes]

@caligirl03 I forgot to add, the end of any relationship, even one that you may have wanted, is still a loss that you must take the time to grieve. This is why you still miss him periodically. Couple the grieving process with you still somewhat suffering the fallout from the PTSD, it is a relatively long and tough road.

@Deadman and @TheMinsterman are absolutely correct. In addition to therapy, getting out to enjoy activities, hobbies, or classes are beneficial. Taking road trips alone and walking in nature helps. Doing things that made you smile before your supporter role came about would be great to start again. Keeping a written journal has a wonderful way of healing ourselves.

I wish you well in your recovery.

 

[dulcia]

Do stuff you didn't get to do while you were with him! (And no, I'm not talking anything extreme like orgies or face tattoos...) Was there every something you really wanted to try with him or go see with him and you couldn't because he wouldn't want to or because it might have triggered him? Go do that!

 

[grimalkin]

I second @tiredtexan. My sufferer would NOT go to the movies. Ever. (and tried claiming he TOLD me why he wouldn't go to the movies...nope. He just wouldn't go.)

So, once he said he's done, I went to the movies. And I had fun! I sobbed through the previews (Logan with Johnny Cash's Hurt playing in the background and one for what is, I think, a TV show about fighting bigotry), but I actually enjoyed it. And I learned that I can do stuff by myself again. :hug:

(Ironically, after I went to one movie, he suddenly wanted to go to a movie with me. For the first time in almost 8 years. And he enjoyed it. Other stuff blew up around then, but by golly he went to the movies! lol)

 

[Mel]

While the end of any relationship is hard, I feel like the end of my relationship with my sufferer h...

Hi, I am currently in a very similar situation as the one you described. How did things progress for you? Did you eventually move on?

 

[Justme5721]

@caligirl03 I am so sorry you had to go through that and I hope you are doing much better. I am currently in similar situation with exact same emotions. Its been month and a half and I'm physically and emotionally exhausted from my roller coaster of emotions. Please tell me it didnt long after your initial post.