Redundant jobs, refugees, PTSD break

[SeekingAfrica]

I saw that I believe @Ecdysis started a thread about the AI jobs taking over some fields, which is a fact. Then you add that a lot MORE people are seeking freelancing jobs on the side because of inflation, which I am also seeing. Then, at least in my part of the world there is refugees issue. I don't mean this in a rude way, I apologize. I hate people looking at me like just a foreigner when looking for a job. But it's a fact that current situations around the world have developped a LOT in the last years and now at least quarter of my city is new people coming in from several places. Flooding the market of certain jobs making the option of getting those jobs harder for me as both foreigner but possibly not having their job experience. But at the same time AI may force me into a regular job sooner rather than later.

I apologize if any of this sounded bad. I wish everyone gets a job. Also I don't think that I deserve a job if I have less experience than someone.
I was simply mentioning it as a fact that jobs which used to be easier to get in are now changing as well. Which means adaptations need to be made if seeking career in those.
The whole world is changing and it scares me. I was barely managing when it wasn't.

So I feel like I need to catch up and I don't know how.
I have a university degree, good computer skills, random freelancing history, very little local history (or anywhere as I got PTSD before graduating) and then the skills I was born with (like drawing) I was not able to practice for a while. In the good waves of my PTSD I can even be considered socialble and you wouldn't know what I'm going through. I am master at organisation and productivity(kinda had to learn with anxiety). I feel like I have good bits of many different things yet not enough in any field to make a career, to earn enough, to change the breakdown I am having right now.

I mean you can't fix everything with money, but we all know that in PTSD that affords you help you are otherwise not capable of receiving.
Honestly both the online and offline job markets are changing at light speed and I no longer feel like I know anything as to where to start from.
Last year I had a lot of work from one main client, and I kept it that way despite knowing I need more because I had 2 mental breakdowns so it was all I could handle (April and November).
Now that client ghosted me and while I will be happy if they get back truth is I have lived off of small gigs and luck this year. I need both online and offline jobs to fill the gap in my life and all that is happening. I am having another breakdown too. I need to choose which fields to apply to and I honestly don't know if the fields I used to know everything about are even remotely the same anymore. I lost so much time with internal fights with myself and my own health issues and now the world is DIFFERENT in so complex ways and I am so lost.
How do I turn things around?

 

[Friday]

Tell me your top 4 dream jobs (or 2 or 19, the number is less important than the fact that they exist and in more than one form). Or? Just think about them. Are you doing any of them?

Don’t get me wrong, jobby-jobs to cover expenses in the interim? Are waaaaay more stressful, because they’re basic survival things, rather than passion things.

It’s easy to get swept up into how much harder it is because of ______ (the industrial revolution, immigrants being used & abused for fractions of what legal workers can expect, electronic revolution, tech rev, etc.). But??? Whether it’s knitters being replaced by factory looms, or desperate people being low balled by more desperate people… what do you REALLY want to be doing with your life?

 

[arfie]

apology NOT accepted for sounding bad. the situation IS bad and wrapping it in sugar paper isn't going to make ^it^ any sweeter. i will second @Friday's notion that it is all too easy to get swept up in the added difficulties because of ________.

I hate people looking at me like just a foreigner when looking for a job.

a fatal flaw in our current hiring system is the need to stereotype in order to get through the staggering stacks of resumes and applications. on the job hunter side, i, equally, need to see them as just another representative of the system. i don't have their resume in front of me, so i know even less about them than they know about me. a trick i use to pull out of the stack is to send thank you cards after an interview thanking them for their time and attention, adding in whatever personal details i was able to pull from the interviewer during the interview.

So I feel like I need to catch up and I don't know how.

i used to believe this. with much therapy help, i have come to disagree strongly. when drowning in a sea of desperation, it becomes all the more important to pay attention to and develop my strictly personal circumstances. in order to "catch up," it is necessary to compare myself to others for whom i have little to no personal knowledge. life seems to flow more easily when i keep it personal.

How do I turn things around?

personally, i don't try to turn things around. i work with what life sends me on life's own terms. life is as life is, not as i would have it.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Today is a weird day. I was meant to work out a plan all day. Those 2 responses and then... A friend asked me recently why I get so attached to people's reactions (like if I need to talk to someone to postpone a payment and they might yell and that makes me nauseous before the factI... don't know, maybe it's been on my mind, but I was watching something with lunch. Something unrelated to jobs, to money, even to our current world. Fictional series. And then one emotion or feeling or something in them triggered me and I spent hours not being able to move and crying. And then I learned a different perspective of what I had taken from that summer that started my PTSD.

I didn't get what was happening to me, I didn't see the need to run from a dangerous situation afterwards (childhood trauma, thankss....). But somehow living with my abuser in the same house for a few months and constantly being retraumatized and sneaking in and out like a ghost... At some point I gave up on the value of my education. Before I got home and was too traumatized, anxious and feeling like I lived 2 lives because I hadn't told anyone. Before I was trying to get jobs here and using my skills felt like it had no value, but underpaid jobs were getting me in debt and all of THIS going on now. Sometimes during that summer I was trying to be creative, be the kid from university that is in a bad situation BUT still can turn it around. And sometimes at that point I gave up. Because nothing that I learned could help me survive what was going on, my childhood trauma was resurfacing on top of what was happening and of course nothing university thought me could prepare me. So somehow swallowing feeling like this for months until I was home, and then another year after I was home and realised I could no longer feel the way people around me did but didn't know I have been through trauma at all... Somehow I learned the wrong lessons. That creative skills were useless and I could never do anything with them, but I was too anxious for the practical jobs. So... I think I thought myself I had no professional value, you can see where this goes wrong....
Damn. Can't believe I had to cry for 2 hours to get here. Hopefully the here is productive.

Tell me your top 4 dream jobs

1. Fiction writer
2. Selling stickers, planners and art online with shop/Youtube/Blog talking about planning and mental health to help people
3. Selling my handmade jewelry
4. Being staff at a magazine (writer, editor, design, layout, anything such)
5. Working with pets or at the zoo, something with animals (never have)

It’s easy to get swept up into how much harder it is

As explained above... I not only get swept up in such things... The way I feel all money things so deeply from all angles, I drown. I can't breathe. When there are a lot of such situations I drown in them easily, it's happened before. Thank you for the reminded. People have lived through all kind of crises' and wars. I just have to be strong enough to think that I can too.

the situation IS bad and wrapping it in sugar paper isn't going to make ^it^ any sweeter

Thank you, it's also good to acknowledge.

personally, i don't try to turn things around. i work with what life sends me on life's own terms.

Good point. I am so emotionally connected to professional and financial problems I get to negative/lacking feelings very fast.

@Friday you asked what I did about those jobs I wanted. I think the paragraph of how I associate things above explains how deeply broken my viewpoint was for a long time.
Last september I knew something had to change. That being born poor in addition to all I have been through is way over my head. If you remember I was on the verge of eviction. I knew something had to be done. So let me break this down.
-I wanted to make a store with printable planner pages, coloring pages, printable stickers I had drawn. I wanted to make a blog and a youtube where I talk about mental health and journaling and what else helps me and flip through my journals and use those as both creative outlet to share all that and to promote the shop. I have seen people working that. I did all the research. I know where to promote, made a whole strategy and plan of how many hours a week to give to making items, promoting them, improving them. Did my research, all in detail, even had the first several product ideas, blog and youtube ideas. There is a first blog sitting as a draft for months
-I have also worked drawing and scanning drawings for extra cash before so I have the paper and materials for drawing ready too.
- fiction wise I have 2 half written books waiting to be finished, but that will be longer til it can be a job
-at some point when I was super depressed and hadn't drawn a single thing in a year, it seemed to make sense to get back in jewelry., I'd had to get all tools and remember skills since I hadn't done it in years, but I would need less sales for it to be meaningful and it seemed the only exciting thing at the time. I found a friend to help me with social media plan, few friends that agreed to pose with the jewelry, and I had drawn maybe 15 designs. I got some tools and things, wasn't enough and I abandoned the idea right before I had my second mental health breakdown that year. In January when I was briefly stable I bough few more things for that so I'm pretty much set to start, but I haven't made anything yet.
-when drawing seemed more logical, and I was, again, seemingly more stable, I bought 2 drawing workbooks, 1 about animals (since a lot of indivdual orders I've had online have been about pets), and one about sketching. And I got the 30 day free skillshare trial. I was all set to get back to drawing, on, or offline.

SO... many steps forward, but none meaningful.
Like the plan is set to details, there are goals, materials and research. People say that the first step is the hardest but I guess with me... the second one is worse.
Like I'm all set to DO and then I tell myself creative skills are useless or at the very least mine are- even though I have made some money in the past with both jewelry and art and this is the time in history where any extra income is welcome).
So.... this is where I stand, I just need to somehow snap out of that feeling and start just creating stuff and seeing where it will lead while I'm figuring out the career stuff.
I know it's long but I value your opinions on my other post if you get time, the one about work and how many hours I should aim at realistically. Although it's the kind of thing where the situation may decide for me. Thank you if you read all that.

 

[arfie]

Can't believe I had to cry for 2 hours to get here. Hopefully the here is productive.

early into my business ventures i called those emotional gyrations of recovery, "counter-productive" while watching my mental health symptoms get in the way of just about every academic/business effort i made. learning how to respect my recovery needs turned out to be a turning point in my business endeavors. these days i see that time spent crying/anger channeling/meditating/etc/etc as an investment in staying calm, cool and collected.

ya got to sing like ya don't need the money. . .

 

[Rose White]

these days i see that time spent crying/anger channeling/meditating/etc/etc as an investment in staying calm, cool and collected.

Wise words arfie! And great Kathy Mattea video too—forgot about her! I’ve heard that song sung by someone else, can’t remember who.

 

[arfie]

I’ve heard that song sung by someone else, can’t remember who.

to the best of my knowledge, the song has never made the hit charts, but it is beloved within the performing arts and has been recorded by many. the original was recorded by the songwriter's husband, guy clark.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Day 2 and I'm still crying my eyes out. It's been a while- since I'm on meds- that this has been the case. But for like 3 days I've been crying over all these realisations and it's brutal. I think it's for the greater good, I do... but it's the first time in a while my home is a mess, my hair is a mess, it's barely early evening and all I want to do is retreat to bed.

I am exhausted of all the years I kind of thought all the money issues were my fault and PTSD was something I was supposed to raise above somehow.
Realising this should be a good thing.
I've cried so much my body hurts.
I decided a few days ago, I am no longer living in that summer and in some moments where I didn't have food so I concentrated only on short term.
Soon I'm getting my old client back which means 50% of my income in end of May and June will be set.
But even if that wasn't the case...

My skills couldn't help me get over abuse, of course not. My fear stopped me from using them for work. I was traumatized. I was scared of people. That was then, this is now.
I haven't drawn or made jewelry in a while. But I learned how to make jewelry from reading magazines in the store because I couldn't buy them and posting items one by one with no plan for design or promotion and it was still something. Maybe a side income but it was something. And drawing is in my blood. I've excelled in every class I've had, my mother and brother both draw, and any time I have left it alone for a while it's been tough to return but I've been more skilled at the end.
This is now. This is me, with debt and bills and paying my way forward with gigs and no security, nothing confirmed more than a maybe. But I have family still there sometimes, in some practical ways. I have friends there is every way. I have a best friend that is like a sister and I have a partner that has faith in me. First relationship since PTSD in which I haven't had an intimacy related panic attack yet, either.
Whatever this is that I'm going through, there are people that care if I make it to the other side.
And everything I told myself about my skills has been wrong for a decade.

So I don't care how much food I have or whatever. I have a roof over my head. I had some food. I have some computer. I have toold, I have knowledge and I've done a lot wrong but it's not too late to make a change. I'm tired of being depressed and sleeping all day, I am tired of waking up at 9 or 10 am, I'm tired of being awake at 4am listening to true crime videos because it's the only thing that lets me sleep. I'm tired of short term solutions. I need to concentrate on the long game.

Once I stop crying for the day, naturally.

 

[abovedown]

personally, i don't try to turn things around. i work with what life sends me on life's own terms. life is as life is, not as i would have it.

I am trying to learn this one day at a time. I am a very safety-oriented person. In one day my while world turned upside down and I am still learning how to navigate in this strange new world. Intellectually I know that world is always changing but emotionally adapting to change has been really hard.

In one level I am living my life normally. I even went a trip after a few years into another country and the trip was really nice. I even got a new apartment sometime ago.

In another level the anxiety and stress caused by the trauma is there everyday. It's on the background when I wake up, when I work or when I go to sleep. I see fewer nightmares and have fewer flashbacks but the trauma is still in the back of my mind. It's like a roommate living rent-free in my mind.

For @SeekingAfrica I feel you. You have a lot of stress relating to your finances and wellbeing and I think you are doing great considering the struggle you need to face daily. Try to focus on things you can control (I know it sounds a lot easier said than done) but this attitude has made my days a bit easier. Hang-in there!

 

[abovedown]

am tired of waking up at 9 or 10 am, I'm tired of being awake at 4am listening to true crime videos because it's the only thing that lets me sleep. I'm tired of short term solutions. I need to concentrate on the long game.

Interesting I too listen to true crime podcasts while waiting to sleep. Sometimes it feels it helps me to get more in touch with my fears and anxiety but I try not to do it too much as it can get me in a pretty pessimistic mood.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I started research for products for my online shop. It took me this many days to resume research.

I'm going to be honest, it's scary what I see. I used to have an Etsy shop back in the day (because you can start it without a domain and you already have people coming in versus promoting a new shop). Updated sales aside there are way too many new bundles of insane amounts of low quality(and sometimes high) product at a smallest possible price. I used to be able to sell 2$ per sheet and now people are making bundles of 10 or 50 for the same price. Not everyone.
There are many products promoting AI/GPT helpful stuff that I can't do, way too much clipart repeating itself. It used to be that with printable shops it was close to impossible to have less than 10 sales per every listing you put. It meant that you sell cheap but get many sales and most digital shops or at least thousands were doing good.

Now people upload a lot or a little, set small or normal prices and have less sales than products or many sales per products and there doesn't seem to be a trend to it.
It scares me because times are tough, I can't get a domain or squarespace, and this is my avenue to have an online shop and due to circumstances I want it to make 150$ WEEKLY. For a shop I just started.

I know, instane, then again, when have I not been?
What do I have? Natural talent for drawing, knowledge of multimedia, and plan to promote it on 2-3 platforms plus target groups on reddit and facebook that might be interested. Idea to make a blog and youtube flipping my own journals using other products and my own products. Unlike last time I have a strategy... of some sort. I will also devote some time to research as now. Is that enough? I don't have a clue.

I'm starting from nothing on hope and strategy, as seems to be current reality I will be facing on every job avenue I am pursuing.
I thought I couldn't be more scared, but it turns out, the answer is always I CAN.

 

[abovedown]

I'm going to be honest, it's scary what I see. I used to have an Etsy shop back in the day (because you can start it without a domain and you already have people coming in versus promoting a new shop). Updated sales aside there are way too many new bundles of insane amounts of low quality(and sometimes high) product at a smallest possible price. I used to be able to sell 2$ per sheet and now people are making bundles of 10 or 50 for the same price. Not everyone.
There are many products promoting AI/GPT helpful stuff that I can't do, way too much clipart repeating itself. It used to be that with printable shops it was close to impossible to have less than 10 sales per every listing you put. It meant that you sell cheap but get many sales and most digital shops or at least thousands were doing good.

In my opinion it seems that etsy is becoming increasingly like any other webshop in good and and bad. Many things are marketed as handmade but little online search and one can find similar items in ebay or Amazon with a fraction of the cost and in big bunches. I am wondering would there be other possibilities for webshop?