Reexperiencing trauma during sex

[Arix]

I've recently started to have flashbacks that have turned to full-blown reexperiencing during sex. It terrifies and disgusts me. One minute things are going great and the next I'm stuck in my head, imagining that my partner is actually my abuser. It is so disconcerting and gross to be having a deeply intimate moment and then switch to being touched by someone who has wreaked havoc on my entire life. I used to have flashbacks when I would come, but rarely during the leadup. I'm so panicked that this is always going to be here. Anyone else had luck getting out of this situation?

 

[Ejuja]

Therapy, therapy, and more therapy?

Process your trauma.

There is no quick fix.

 

[Vusij]

Therapy, therapy, and more therapy?

Process your trauma.

There is no quick fix.

Gosh do you bring it up in therapy? That is a really tough subject!

 

[Arix]

I’ve brought it up before but it’s incredibly difficult to talk about. There’s already so much shame associated with sex that it makes me sick to think about telling my t that it’s gotten worse. The time that we did talk about it very briefly, she asked a couple questions and it was too much to handle as the rest of the session (and part of the week) was a wash.

 

[Umecu]

I've had trouble with that for my entire life and still do, when I was younger and high all the time I could get around it, I have pretty much givin up on trying to be in relationships, it sucks, but being alone is easier than developing a relationship and having people walk away from you after they realize how broken you are, I keep hoping I'll find someone I can be compatible with but have pretty much givin up at this point, sad and lonely as hell but easier than the alternative, oh well, maybe someday eh.

 

[Arix]

I've had trouble with that for my entire life and still do, when I was younger and high all the time I could get around....

I used to be able to be ok if I was high, but now that doesn’t help either. A few nights ago my partner and I were having sex and I went from fine to thinking they were my abuser in no time. Just couldn’t get out of my head.

 

[Ucelol]

I could have written this post. I struggle and my therapists thinks it will get better as we work through my triggers. My therapist also suggested that I be in control of when sex happens and adjust the time of day because my issues are worse at night and much worse when I am not feeling liking I have control in the situation. Good Luck.

 

[Bazep]

I've recently started to have flashbacks that have turned to full-blown reexperiencing during sex. It terrifies and disgu...

This is what helps me.... When I am not medicated, I don't like being touched. But when I vaporize Cannabis, I get touchy feeky and start wanting to be intimate. Maybe try some wine or another alcoholic drink before you engage in intimacy, and it doesn't have to be planned. You can just have a drink or however it takes to get you to relax, or smoke or vape some cannabis and then go from there spontaneously. It has helped me a lot. Hope this helps. I am replying without seeing other replies.

 

[Bazep]

I apologize for replying with a suggestion thar was already offered. Maybe try cbd oil instead of vaping and smoking the entirr flower of cannabis. Cbd oil helps you feel better without getting high.

 

[Masuve]

Gosh do you bring it up in therapy? That is a really tough subject!

No.

I processed the trauma and the issues surrounding the trauma went away.

 

[Arix]

I could have written this post. I struggle and my therapists thinks it will get better as we work through my triggers.....

That’s also been suggested to me and we tried that for a bit. My problem is that I’m really not the pursuer in bed and I don’t see that changing simply based on what I find enjoyable. I rarely seek out sex and if we waited for me to initiate then it would probably just never happen. It’s not that I don’t enjoy it, it just never really crossed my mind that it would be a good idea at any particular moment.

I know that a lot of this is me getting down on myself. I’m working really hard right now on processing my trauma, it just feels like I’m so closed off that it’s taking forever. It would be nice just to feel normal occasionally.

 

[Ucelol]

That’s also been suggested to me and we tried that for a bit. My problem is that I’m really not the pursuer in bed an...

Ditto again!
At one point I would drink and get very sexual now I have no interest which seems to only contribute to my not being in control. I wish i had any answer because I recognize how unhealthy it is but breaking this cycle is not what I can do right now.