Relationship Refusal To Work On This Together

[horizons]

My partner started cognitive behaviour therapy almost a year ago. If i thought my life was a rollercoaster before that time, I didn't know what the depths of emotional torment were. Aggression, blame, avoidance and seperations have become the norm.

I want a couples counselling session. He says no he won't do it, insists in anger that the terms need to be ALL his and I need to just leave him to it. My attempts to have any sort of joint session are met with an accusatory "stop interfering". And an additional "it's not all my ptsd you know". Sure, I can accept that, but how the hell do I DEAL with the other issues when he won't allow any joint sessions with anyone?

I'm so tired of this. I love him, but feel hopeless.

His comment today made me so angry. He said "I am the one suffering - not you!! Stop interfering, I'll do this MY way! "

He can't even see that his PTSD affects me EVERY day of MY life as well, affects EVERY decision I make. I'm so tired, so sick of living in a half relationship based on his moods and inability to acknowledge the effects of his PTSD on me and my kids.My physical health is suffering, my work performance is down and I'm EXHAUSTED...

Just a vent...sigh...

 

[Artista]

I am sorry and can understand from both perspectives. I can feel myself shutting out at times, but it does feel very unavoidable when I do it. As if it's protective. Not easy for the person dealing with a PTSD. I simply have no energy left for even self empathy, let alone another some days. I find it is in waves of when I am close to dealing with the trauma. But, in my case I have avoided it for sooo long(about 25 years) and gave all I had, my time is now. I just try to be open to saying it (like a warning) ahead of time. You do certainly need good time and moments to rejeuvenate you and your relationship. Can be hard for him to feel he has that in him I suspect. We are all different and you are correct. The partners are dealing with it all as well... all be it once removed.

I so hope it gets better and your positive communication increases.

 

[Nicolette]

Vent away horizons :)