Regrets After Losing Some People In Your Life?

[J_trustno1]

Do you also feel sad or regret losing some of the coolest friends?

I have gone through regrets of losing people but it wasn't my decision to leave those people. When I lost one of the very good net friends I had met back in 2011, it took me almost a year to forget him. He said something ruthless to me as part of a joke and it did hurt me a lot when he said something like that. He apologized but things never turned out the same.

Then there was that ex back in 2013, I was very upset for losing him. I was also upset when all of my friends were abandoning me.

I am not saying that I am perfect but what is the best approach to living a healthy life? Do you move on in life when people leave you behind or do you sit back and feel shit about yourself?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Let Go.

I'm not saying its easy, but letting go can bring you great relief.

Have you heard the "reason, season, lifetime" thing in regards to friends?

"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant." ~Author Unknown

Knowing this helps me to move forward. Not everyone is made to be around for a lifetime. In fact, if you have even ONE lifetime friend (or a lifetime partner), count yourself as lucky!

 

[shimmerz]

You know, my relationships (male and female) have meant a ton to me all through my life. It was so painful having to let them go. I am glad that I did though. I am going through a similar phase right now. It hurts. I have learned through all of this that my relationships were not healthy because I was not healthy. Very few people are having to (or have time to) do the work I am doing on myself. As I shift into healthier places, I notice that many of my friends protest. Loudly. But you see, I can't imagine hanging out with them anymore. I almost measure my healing by how my friends I have lost. The more that have gone by the wayside, the better I feel I am working out my attachment stuff.

 

[J_trustno1]

@Solara : Thanks for posting and giving a wise advice.
@shimmerz: I can totally relate. It is still hurting me to let go of people. It feels really sad when people just kick you out their lives. It feels as if you are not needed anymore. I haven't been running after people once a friendship was over because I didn't want to take someone's personal space but I still feel that I was probably not as important to those people the way I made them to be in my life.

 

[Chava]

I sort of detach and crawl into a hole. All of my relationships end on good terms. They sort of fizzle, I disappear (admit that probably hurt some friends in the past, even if I had reasons like becoming a raging alcoholic), or someone moves. Sadness in itself is scary for me. And loneliness can easily trigger feelings that I do not exist. So I am slow to trust new friendships. Even when they end on good terms or someone simply moves away for a really great job, I retreat deeper into my shell for a few years. I try to keep up appearances with some sort of casual groups of friends or colleagues, but none of them feel very supportive and I don't really tell them what's up with me (so when it's bad I totally isolate so I don't scare them off).

It's like 1 step forward, 2 steps back with relationships because the time I need to heal is dragging me too far down. My best friend moved away a couple years ago for a better job and I had in mind that he'd move back (he did look for a position back here after a while) but instead found an even better position across country. Now I might lose my therapy relationship too because of insurance. I'm worried how many years or what sort of ridiculously uncommon level of confidence it will require for me to connect with anyone. I'm honestly really scared because I'm also so tired at this point.

 

[shimmerz]

I was probably not as important to those people the way I made them to be in my life.

This is a bitter pill to swallow. I was very disappointed in the people I had felt were 'fair weather' friends. I am glad I got out because the skies are getting cloudier and cloudier for me. I want reciprocal relationships in my life right now. I couldn't have them before the PTSD though because I would never let anyone 'give' to me. So of course, only the 'takers' were attracted to me.

 

[J_trustno1]

@shimmerz : Same here. I was only attracting those who could take. I hardly had an givers in real life except for this forum where majority of the people are givers here. I feel selfish on this forum when I get help but can do only little to help others but outside this forum I was the one being a people pleaser :(.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I have had an ex taking me 4 years (!!) to get over. We didn't even have a long relationship.
I still think about him some times. He lives close but I never see him anymore -same story: doesn't care as much about me, as I did about him.

Holding on to him wasn't fun. At all. I agree with Solara, best to move on and let go, even if that goes against your every impulse to hang on.
Also thanks @Solara for posting that up. I had read it somewhere earlier, but I had forgotten already.

 

[J_trustno1]

@Radise : yes, it was a 3month friendship and the relationship thing was only 4 days long. It's strange how being emotional stops us from letting go of people who actually don't even deserve to be part of our lives.

And yes @Solara has written something very valuable.

 

[Friday]

It's a hard question. Mostly I have regrets over losing assholes in my life.

My head is a little bit like Valhalla... Those I've known & loved live forever. Regardless of where they are now.

It's the ones I've come to know were a waste of my damn time that I gnash over. Sure, lessons learned, etc. But it doesn't really make up for the hole they leave. Good people enrich my life & my memories. Assholes leave gaping holes where they used to be.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Maybe this will help, maybe not.....

Anyway, I grew really close with someone last summer/fall. He ended things rather abruptly which was a surprise to me, but I really did care about him and understand why he decided to walk away. (Really, one of the few relationships I've had which didn't end in some sort of explosion!) So I decided that I needed to let him go. (And I really did let go this time....) Anyway, he contacted me earlier this week and we talked things through, seemingly able to pick up where we left off. I was stunned to say the least (in a good way!) So I realized that sometimes its best to let someone go. Maybe there is some sort of strain in the relationship and the other person needs a breather. Maybe the relationship ends altogether. So I think this quote may ring true...... "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours. If it doesn't, it never was." So maybe its good to let go after a relationship sours. If the person realizes that you are worth it, then they will come back. If not, then time to move on to other relationships and realize that it just wasn't meant to be.

The end of a relationship doesn't mean you are a loser. It doesn't even mean that you did something wrong. Relationships end for all sorts of reasons. People grow and change, oftentimes growing apart. Much of the time, relationships are short lived, and not because one person royally messed up. Its sort of the ebb and flow of the relationship world.