Relationship between transference and ego?

[Rose White]

I’m using the term transference to mean feelings of strong attachment to your therapist and ego to mean like inner critic. I see both as protective survival mechanisms, just in opposite directions. Transference makes me feel like I want to run toward my therapist and inner critic makes me feel like I want to run away from my therapist.

Well it’s quite uncomfortable and often depressing. The transference and ego are rising up in power, forcing me to face them. I can’t. I am supposed to be able to handle the pain of the inner critic’s comments. I numb. I am supposed to talk about how helpless the transference makes me feel. I hide.

Okay, so I’m aware of them! I guess that’s more than I’ve ever had in my entire life. Before (just last year!) I was unaware and held victim by my transference to important people and my inner critic’s unconscious reign.

Now I can talk about them. I know that meditation is supposed to help create a space between the “peaceful eternal me” and the transference and inner critic (if I could ever sustain that practice).

I wonder how closely those two things are connected? They are both in my mind. They both spawned from the abuse, from something missing in my life (or present when it shouldn’t have been).

Maybe they are two sides of the same coin, the “love hate flip flop” that children feel toward their caregivers. The transference makes me feel like I need someone else to fill something in me that I’m supposed to fill myself. The inner critic makes me feel like no one could ever truly reach me, that I have a protective shell (or a broken heart) that will eternally separate me, just like my narc abuser dad could never actually connect with people because his father ruined him. (Cognitive distortions)

In reality, I have power over both of them? Through my words and self-discipline?

Is it just a coincidence that I am thinking about these two states at the same time, or is there a connection?

 

[EveHarrington]

I’d personally make the jump over to thinking about this in terms of IFST parts, the self, protectors, and exiles. It seems like that would help as these are protective actions that are keeping exiles from any pain.

 

[Rose White]

You may remember that I was curious about and dabbling in IFST. The concepts seemed useful. However, my T was not familiar with it and is trained in transactional analysis, so I let it go. I need to use the same vocabulary as her.

That said, this is my recovery and I’m free to go in any direction that suits me, so please tell me again the name of the IFST workbook or books that you are finding useful?

 

[hithere]

I could not do transference therapy, it ripped me to shreds. I couldn't talk in ego states, it kept the cycles of pain and confusion going. Once my T started using IFS therapy concepts with me, it has not been the same. Very quickly accessing areas that have been locked away for years, very quickly solving some deep painful issues. It was excruciating doing it, but it wasn't the transference, it was facing the reality. It wasn't fantasy based, it was this is "ME" and this is it what it felt like then and this is WHY. And, this is what I'm doing now to protect myself from myself and some very real help in rechanneling that protection. It works for me. May not be for everyone. Jay Early "Self Therapy" and Richard Schwartz, "Internal Family Systems Therapy" (he originated the therapy model) and then Derrick Scott has some You Tube videos that are helpful. those are the books that I've used with IFS therapy.

 

[Abstract]

Remember that transference is about transferring feelings about one person onto another. Whether good, bad or both. Are your conflicted feelings about transference and the inner critic or could they be about other things?