Relationship With Siblings Affected By Abuse?

[Melody coates]

me and my siblings are not close. I have ones that I grew up with and ones that are Suzanne's (mom) biological children. none of us are really close. My brother joined the military right after high school. haven't spoken to him much since then except when he came home for a visit. my younger sister left at 18. don't talk to her much either but i'm trying to change that. my youngest sister I haven't spoken to at all since I left home last November. i do remember how that woman used to play favorites with my youngest sister and target us older three. she did that with her biological kids as well. she seemed to target her oldest daughter. idk why we all never became close. its saddens me :(

 

[Ronin]

Some my siblings I've been close to, even though I haven't seen them in years (we were large family). Others, not so much. I had a rather complicated relationship with both older brothers. We parted ways in not so good terms, though I miss them. My youngest sister I miss the most, she was a sweetheart.

I learned to relate to other forms of family. I learned to relate to practically in-laws, take them for parent figures. That sadness though is there quite a lot, all the little and bigger things that didn't work out. I guess that's just life though, and the best I can do with it is relate to who I can *now* and live in the past as few as possible.

I'm not all that sure this makes sense so well. This topic isn't one I'm much open about, feels too... raw, heart-achy. But I relate to sadness, and to abuse in family. Bad blood runs deep. It can be overcome, but it's a long run effort, and some wounds are just better left be after they form a scar, because there's nothing better that can be done about that scar.

 

[arfie]

I have 10 siblings. I feel comfortable with one of them. 10% We were forced to perform child pornography together. We can barely look one another in the eyes without exploding into chaos.

My husband has two siblings with more social pressure and class pretense than outright abuse. They don't even slow down for drive-by wavings. 0% Ditto for my two sons.

So far as I can tell, this is pretty standard for families in the US. In this grandmother's lifetime, I have known exactly one US family that has close sibling bonds. I am tempted to state that we are culturally clueless how to foster family bonds, with or without domestic abuse. I witnessed close sibling bonds in South America, both with and without domestic abuse, so I know they are possible.

 

[Whirlwind]

i do remember how that woman used to play favorites with my youngest sister and target us older three.

Your parents didn't foster a family environment or encourage you all to be close so I'm not surprised. My parents pitted us against each other and there was abuse between us, I think that is what destroyed any chance of a relationship between us. My brother beat me pretty bad at their encouragement. I forgave him a long time ago but he left with the military at 19 and never returned stateside. Never saw him again.

I knew a gal who reconciled with her sisters decades after their abuse. It took a long time but they reclaimed each other. People change, you are young. My advice it keep the door open, keep contact and call them on bdays, send holiday cards...give them a call from time to time. I think your chances of building a relationship are good, you have time and the key is, you may have to be the one to do the work for awhile, build your own life but keep a connection open. I bet some will come around if not all, it just might take some time and perspective for everyone. Family is important, I've got my fingers crossed for you....

Good luck, Whirlwind