Oh, Mosh, please don't make yourself read through my whole diary. I just woke up and would give you an abbreviated version if I could. I've been in therapy with her countless times when I still lived with her or near her. She'd always quit whenever the therapist turned their attention on her and wanted to know about her background. She'd say it was too painful to talk about and just quit. I've tried to talk to her and empathize and tell her I know how painful it is, but you need to get it out and process it and then it will be much less painful. She just refused to go there. She does really behave like a narcissistic person or a personality disorder person, so I don't even know whether to even believe she had such a bad childhood. My dad said her parents were great people and totally not abusive, and they knew each other and each others' parents since their teens. So, I don't really know.
Please try to use whatever self-soothing techniques you've learned -- I hope you've learned some in therapy? Cause you're not going to solve this in one night. Tell you what, I have serious insomnia and I've tried every OTC sleep aid plus Belsomra and anti-anxiety meds and nothing has worked better than putting a tiny drop of lavender oil on my prayer blanket at night. It doesn't help me get to sleep, but it calms my mind better than any med.
I hope you feel better too. It's no fun! Just so thankful for this forum and support from y'all:)
