Relationships With Men

[Cindy]

Andre:

THANK YOU! I really appreciate your candor. I have been abused by three men. As a child and an adult. But I am still not a man basher because I believe there are good men out there - but they are all taken? Needless to say, I have trust and intimacy issues. I am just now (20 years later) ready to even pursue a relationship with another
manIF I ever find one.

 

[Grama-Herc]

While all the posts here are about how most of you guys shy away from men and what realtionships you have had were all bad, I have a question

What does it say about a female that goes the other direction. Anytime I was pushed away, abused mentally or just treated badly it made me want the guy more. When dumped I would start loooking for my next man immediately. I was like a revovling door, as embarrassing as that fact is--It is the truth.

While I understand the negetive reactions everyone has to men but what about the other side of the coin. I have actually never understood my reaction to being used, tossed aside and going back for more. Any hints on this side of our issue?

 

[linasmom]

Grama-Herc,

I am not of the camp that would shy away from men. I always had somebody to spend some time with. However, I'm quite sure that my reasons for always having a man around and their reason for keeping me around were very different and extremely complicated on my part, so I won't even go into the long details.

I would say that the reaction of going back for more is a reflection and combination of low self-esteem and challenge. I know lots of women who "go back for more" because it becomes a game, it can be exciting, maybe it stirs up feelings in a person who normally doesn't have lots of feelings inside of them when they are not engulfed in a "drama" (for lack of a better word). Maybe it makes a person feel more alive.

The problem is, that same person can feel alive with someone who treats them well, but if that person has low self-esteem, then they don't feel deserving of that and feel that the only person who would love them (even in that abusive demented way) is someone who treats them like sh*t.

Plus, being alone and being lonely are 2 different things. I suffer from being lonely and I'm wondering if you do too.

Best,
Rachel

 

[linasmom]

Oh yeah - and one more thing.

Grama-Herc - I always needed a "rescuer", and I think me needing rescued was directly related to me always being with a man.

 

[Grama-Herc]

linasmom

Yes, yes and yes. I am extremely lonely. I have mom--not the same---got the cats--not the same.

I always had to have a man in my life, no matter who or what he was. I can't give you a reason, just seemed like I had to have one. Never looked at the "rescuer" aspect.

Sure it would be nice to have a good man in m y life, but I'm not even sure I would know how to treat a decent man.

I've been by myself for so long and am so set in my ways now that having a guy under foot is not very appealing.

Besides, with the flare up of the PTSD and all the other little mental shit going on with me I don't think adding a man tol the mix is a good idea. But yea, I'm lonely! And sad!

I'm also very depressed and scared.

 

[Nicolette]

I'm lonely! And sad!

Remember you have friends here Herc. Even though friends don't replace a man, they can support you when you are feeling low :Hug_emoticon:

 

[Grama-Herc]

Nicolette

You brought tears to my eyes by what you said. From my heart Thank you. You could not have said anything more perfect and at just the right time.