Remembering Childhood .. Or Not

[Gs172003]

Wow @scout86 - 3rd party??? :eek: Yikes. Closest I have to that experience is FB's. :...

Lol that's what I was saying. The only third party "memories" I have are bad ones

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Memory is a very fluid thing. There isn't a "normal", exactly, more like trends. Not remembering your childhood at all? Is usually indicative of major trauma OR major change that becomes static.

I guess I ask because I'm interested in where the line in the sand is drawn between "normal" and abnormal. While I agree that "normal" is a huge and varied response in almost everything, there does seem to be a point where one dips over into the clearly clinically impaired - and I'm wondering if that is where I am at, or if I am making a big deal over nothing.

I remember some of my childhood, but definitely not all, and the access to memories comes and goes, which is what is the most disturbing to me.

He also says that most people experience normal memories in what I think of as the third person, like they're watch themselves. (For some reason, I don't remember anything any way other than first person, present tense, and the idea of watching yourself seems deeply creepy.)

I must be pretty creepy then. All my memories are in the third person, except a few trauma memories that are embodied.

 

[Ronin]

Missing huge chunks of mine, the other things are in a darned weird chronology, some others are feeling more like a dream than a memory even though they happened, and others are weird distorted mess of teen years / adulthood trauma pretending it happened earlier.

Lots of associative memory, I'd guess. Similar theme in some way, my head's happy lumping it together like no business.

Doesn't help I felt as an odd child / sooner an adult than a child / child with no future so why bother most of my childhood & tend to think more in terms of what to do. Most of my happy memories are more like a flash through whole the body, move, I know how // I don't know how but if I don't it won't matter, than really 'memory'. Most accessible memory I have is when I exercise of some sort. Disconnect & tabula rasa if I don't.

 

[Friday]

I guess I ask because I'm interested in where the line in the sand is drawn between "normal" and abnormal. While I agree that "normal" is a huge and varied response in almost everything, there does seem to be a point where one dips over into the clearly clinically impaired - and I'm wondering if that is where I am at, or if I am making a big deal over nothing.

I remember some of my childhood, but definitely not all, and the access to memories comes and goes, which is what is the most disturbing to me.

The bolded part is me from 17-23

Where was most of my trauma? 17-23.

I think one of the problems people with childhood trauma run into is that it's super normal not to remember very early years. And then the question follows, enveloping the entire childhood range & it gets whitewashed. But, say how about age 8-11, or 14, or 17-23, or 32-56? Is that normal? Nope.

Another way to look at it... What about seasons? As an example, it's not normal to not remember November. Or to only remember summertime. Or to only remember school, but not home. Or to only remember home but not work.

So, can you break down the time periods you don't remember? By ages or times or places? See if there's any kind of pattern?

 

[Gs172003]

The bolded part is me from 17-23

Where was most of my trauma? 17-23.

I think one of the problems peopl...

Like for me...my memories are scattered through life but my biggest example as I've said elsewhere is my second marriage. I remember my jobs, my babysitter, the people I worked with, my neighbors, etc. But the man I was with and any details about him? Lol barely. And the messed up thing? I worked with him for a while and don't even remember how long. I remember everything AROUND him but not him. But he sure as hell gives me a shake when something REMINDS me of him. Jackass

 

[scout86]

As an example, it's not normal to not remember November.

Wait. Which November? The one we're in now? Are you saying you can remember what you were doing LAST November? Surely not 'November of the year you were 16?' Or any other particular year?

I can remember a couple of Thanksgivings, which I would guess were in November. I remember the year I gave my dad a puppy for his birthday, which was in Nov. But something like "Nov 1997"? No way.

 

[Ronin]

.... Promise I'm trying to not add a self-snarking comment about Novembers. Specifically. :hilarious::dead:

 

[Friday]

@scout... :roflmao: It is huuuuuugely hilarious to me you picked THAT November!

That said, no I'm not meaning the whole movie-cop thing of what were you doing at 2pm on Tuesday April 6th 19 years ago. I meant if your memory looks like this

Jan // ... // March // April // May // June // July // Aug // Sept // Oct // ... // Dec

Year in and year out? That's not normal. It's not normal to lose time, consistently, and just skip from Oct to December as is Nov never happened. Year, after year, after year. I do that, though. After 1997. :P :roflmao: :hilarious: I remember Halloween. I tend to wake up around Thanksgiving. But aside from the fact I'm usually in some kind of bar fight on 10Nov? (Although I forget that unless I'm actively thinking about it). I've got mad traumaversaries this month, and year after year the whole damn month just disappears in my head. Since joining the forum, I force myself to keep coming on here, and then go back and reread -just to see if I'm actually still maaaaaybe lucid- because there's just a big gap in my head. This year. Last year. Every year. My memory stops in October, and picks back up in December.

 

[scout86]

Actually, my memory isn't linear. I remember incidents. I especially seem to remember places and scenes. But it's in no particular order and I couldn't tell you when it was unless some part of it is a clue. I can't use 'how old I seem to be' because I experience everything like it's now. But, I described my grandfather's house in great detail, 100% accurately to one of my dad's sisters, even though I was only in the house a few times and the last time was somewhere in the early 60's. So, what I remember is pretty accurate. It's just in no particular order. We just talked about this a couple weeks ago, because I only recently noticed and wondered how this works for other people. My T says it's probably more common for memories to be linear, but non-linear memory organization isn't all that rare, nor is it abnormal. He says the thing that IS a little different is that all of my memories seem to be stored as 'current events'.

@Friday, I notice your occasional absences, and that your mood changes, but you've pretty much always made sense in your own wonderfully unique way. Of course, that's JMO. LOL

 

[FauxLiz]

I have only a handful of memories prior to middle school. All of them of a sexual nature, molestation, hyper-sexuality in grade school with boys of the same age it wasn't until I began journaling in 8th grade that I have any substantial memories. My T says that makes sense considering what I do remember but I wonder sometimes what is it that I don't remember.

 

[Panda Bear]

Seeping gaps, it's normal. Some of them have been filled in over the years, but nothing drastic, unfortunately. Years have passed with nothing but the flashes of abuse.

I've come to accept this and cherish the memories I do have that are more 'normal'. It helps to mitigate the dumpster fill of nasty memories.