Movingforward10
Sponsor
Hi @RebeccaReal , sure I don't mind answering your questions.
Glass ceiling: hmmmmm, in most ways I don't think so. I get anxious at work and 'beat myself up' if I think I make a mistake. I have very high standards and try to be perfect. Which is obviously impossible. I try and be kind to myself about it all and let the anxiety go. But financially: whilst I'm not rich! I'm comfortable. And content with my career. I have ambitions still and feel I can get to where I want, when I want. I'm proud of my achievements at work and where I am (but everything is relative and someone else may view my accomplishments as not as good as I do, but I'm proud of where I have come: it's down to my hard work.) So I don't think there is a glass ceiling for me.
In your previous post you also asked about:
Sex always being a problem or if this was new? This is hard to answer, as yes I think sex has always been a problem but I just wasn't aware of it as I dissaociated! Or blocked it out. Or re-enacted. I would have sex and enjoy it, but never really had emotional connection to it. Since therapy, I now cry after sex. I think I am feeling emotions of sex I never felt before, and it also triggers emotions of rape and assault that I never felt before. I'm hoping I'll find a healthy balance between the two extremes I seem to have been in.
And you asked what emotions I'm struggling with when thinking about the past:
Anger? I think so. I never liked to feel angry, so I decided I wasn't. But, like most things I decided, I don't think that is true. I'm learning to feel anger appropriately.
Shame? Oh yes! Again, I decided I never felt shame and had no regrets. But again, this is not true. I hold a lot of shame. I think people can see my shame, it then causes more anxiety. And then I have to block it out again. Working on shame in therapy.
Fear? Yes. My body goes in a fearful state when I'm around people who put me on edge.
I'm learning all these emotions, as before I just would plough on, be resigned to feeling odd but pretend I'm not and just get on with things. Now I'm learning what my emotions are, trying not to be scared or them, and learning how not to be overwhelmed by them. Am not there yet, but....!
Glass ceiling: hmmmmm, in most ways I don't think so. I get anxious at work and 'beat myself up' if I think I make a mistake. I have very high standards and try to be perfect. Which is obviously impossible. I try and be kind to myself about it all and let the anxiety go. But financially: whilst I'm not rich! I'm comfortable. And content with my career. I have ambitions still and feel I can get to where I want, when I want. I'm proud of my achievements at work and where I am (but everything is relative and someone else may view my accomplishments as not as good as I do, but I'm proud of where I have come: it's down to my hard work.) So I don't think there is a glass ceiling for me.
In your previous post you also asked about:
Sex always being a problem or if this was new? This is hard to answer, as yes I think sex has always been a problem but I just wasn't aware of it as I dissaociated! Or blocked it out. Or re-enacted. I would have sex and enjoy it, but never really had emotional connection to it. Since therapy, I now cry after sex. I think I am feeling emotions of sex I never felt before, and it also triggers emotions of rape and assault that I never felt before. I'm hoping I'll find a healthy balance between the two extremes I seem to have been in.
And you asked what emotions I'm struggling with when thinking about the past:
Anger? I think so. I never liked to feel angry, so I decided I wasn't. But, like most things I decided, I don't think that is true. I'm learning to feel anger appropriately.
Shame? Oh yes! Again, I decided I never felt shame and had no regrets. But again, this is not true. I hold a lot of shame. I think people can see my shame, it then causes more anxiety. And then I have to block it out again. Working on shame in therapy.
Fear? Yes. My body goes in a fearful state when I'm around people who put me on edge.
I'm learning all these emotions, as before I just would plough on, be resigned to feeling odd but pretend I'm not and just get on with things. Now I'm learning what my emotions are, trying not to be scared or them, and learning how not to be overwhelmed by them. Am not there yet, but....!