There's so much i want to share, where to start...
I was 15 when my close cousin "terry" came to me and asked to speak to me outside.She was visibly upset. We sat down by ourselves outside and she told me that she had been repeatedly abused by her uncle (related to me as well). All of a sudden the memory I had been carrying so long became concrete. I have this memory of me and terry in a closet with her uncle, I don't remember how old we were, maybe 4?, we were kneeling down and we both taking turns "kissing" his penis. I remember not liking it and leaving the closet. This is the only memory and for a long time I "banished" it as being a sick and twisted dream.
When terry told me of all the years of abuse she endured I became alert and needed answers, I panicked...This sick and twisted dream was REAL after all...
I asked, PLEADED her, if she remembered me being in the closet with her that day. She said NO.
Please, someone, is this an example of a repressed memory? How can i remember the incident so vividly and she not remember at all?
Unfortunately, I never got the chance to speak to her about it privately again. When i asked her that i needed to talk to her about it she said it was not a good time. And now i see her at family gatherings with this uncle and i want to scream ! I know i must respect her wishes but I want answers too.
Does she remember another incident with me and that uncle?
My mother was sexually abused by her brother, and more of out family members have also experienced this. It's awful,,is this some kind of evil curse on our family? many other families probably as well.
I have these strange memories... I lived in an apartment building from birth to 20 years old. I remember being in other peoples homes especially a neighbor girl. We used to have sex, I was a child i don't even remember how young maybe 4 or five. How did I know what to do? how did i know how to fondle her in places?
Another memory i have is of being in church. It is in the middle of mass and i see this boy that i find attractive, I become aroused and because of this I begin to cry, i don't tell my mother this because i'm ashamed but i cry for so long all the way home.
My both worked so i was always in someone ele's care..family member, thats how the incident in the closet happened because i was being baby sat by my aunt.
my two sisters left to los angeles for a couple months when i was a very young child and when they came back my sister said I had "changed" i was thinnner and differant she said.
FOr a long time would get extreme anxiety in the mornings before going to school i would get terrible stomach aches and would stay home alot ...these are all jumbled memories i apologize but I'm currently trying to work this out. I'm seeking out a therapist soon...
If it happened once, could it have happened more times? wouldn't i have remembered since i remembered that time? and why can't terry remember us being in that closet together?
A friend of my sister's once asked her if i had been abused as a child..she said i had that "energy" about me.. i don't know i don't want to jump into conclusions! i'm just tired of wondering if it happened more than once ..even now i question if it was really abuse is that strange?
