Poll Reputation - What Does This Mean To You?

[fin]

As I have this opportunity to get this checked before it goes live - I am going to try a poll, esp. as another thread the other day freaked me out when it asked me to give it a poll so I thought I would ask a few questions here.

What is reputation to you?
What does it mean to you in terms of friendships and commited relationships, even working ones? What does our reputation say about us or our friends and can you recognise it as well, good and bad?

I am intrigued in so many ways by so much and having just read a thread I contributed to a little while ago now, I was wondering what reputation and respect meant to us as PTSD'ers?

Does it mean we are just always there for others to take what is thrown to us, or does it mean something more?

I ask this for a number if reasons some of which disturb me greatly, I have been trashed in my life and it has been down to others saving face and grace also sometimes.
So I am wondering and I may get this wrong in posting but I am trying to be more of a risk taker as I have written about to sky dancer somewhere else, and I am getting back up again and need to learn a bit more as well on the way now.

So is Reputation about hearts, flowers and lovey dovey stuff?

Is Reputation about respect among peers or perhaps the world in general?

Or is Reputation something more deep seated than that? (in which case please explain and maybe clarify in other)

Is Reputation perhaps about good work, deeds and honour, perhaps courage even?

Is it all about the rewards we can achieve or is it simply something that is taken for granted like ourselves or each other maybe?

When I first came here I had no reputation - and I didnt hardly care about myself any more let alone reputation. I was trying to find my last chance at life and after everything that had happened to me I found that my what people thought of me was a part of what was PTSDing me too, and so reputation amongst many other things was no longer on my list of priorities, I was fighting for my life.

Is Reputation and respect something none of us perhaps cares about?

Do you feel you deserve or have earned your reputation even?

In contrast with me earlier when I first came here roughed up and haggard through ptsd - now I am beginning to notice and find it is becoming increasingly important especially and towards others and some what more than I thought it might well ever do perhaps in regard to me so I am asking about how we are perceived also... so please does your reputation and the respect you have or hope to have matter to you?

I am curious. Thankyou

~fin

 

[Luthien]

I wasn't sure how to answer this one using the questions, because more than one applies to me. I think that rep can be a very good thing. It lets us know when we're apreciated, which is a great feeling. Also, when I receive rep, the person is usually thanking me for something I've said that helped them. I think it is important for me to know what others find helpful.

However, I do not think that the number of squares beside our names has any bearing on how important we are on the site. I know I am valued on the site, and that what I have to say is oftentimes helpful to others. They have told me this, even when they don't give me rep for it.

I guess I think receiving rep is nice, but that it shouldn't be our overall goal, and that we shouldn't overthink it. It is nice to know when we're appreciated, but if we don't get rep it doesn't mean we're any less important than people who do.

 

[becvan]

I could care less. To me reputation is something that people hide behind. It's not truthful and it's not who someone is. It's a smoke screen. It has no basis in reality.

bec

 

[TLight]

I put NO cause I never pay attention to it. In fact, I sort of remember someone saying something about it months ago, but it didn't sink in and I just don't pay attention to it.

We are all suffering here from this disorder and I believe that Anthony and the other moderators do such a great job at protecting us through the moderation thing, that the reputation thing is really insignificant.

PLus, I judge people, their motives, how kind they are, etc.......on what they post, not the check marks others give or don't give them.

So its pretty much a non-issue for me.

 

[Marlene]

Reputation is what people hide their secrets behind. It means so little to me that I never even consider it. I am who I am and if that's not enough for you...oh well.

I put no.

Lisa

 

[trapped]

There are good things to it as well as negative too... personally, I don't care a lot about it. I am trying to just be myself and be okay with that. Hopefully by being myself, I can help other people as well. I think if we pay too much attention to reputation, and our only goal becomes to build our reputation and have a good reputation or whatever, then it makes it harder to really be ourselves- instead we put up this false front that's always positive, or risk over-extending ourselves to try to help people when we're not in the best state of mind to be offering help, etc. We become less honest with ourselves and others. While it is nice to be able to help people and be appreciated, and for others to tell us when that happens, I don't think there should be a focus on it.

 

[Dylan]

Growing up, I was taught that what others thought of me WAS who I was. It made for a miserable existence, to be sure. I got to where I had no idea who I was, what I thought, what my opinions were; even my likes/dislikes were a mystery to me. I was very much like one of those sci-fi empaths (not the pretty, insightful one on Star Trek, either). I became what anyone projected. Miserable.

Of course, this wasn't just training, but violence and projected rage/blame, but the outcome was the same: what YOU thought of me was who I was, whether it was true or not (try holding THAT dichotomy and not go nuts!).

One of my "grind ins" is: I am NOT what other people think or say about me. I am MYSELF." Obviously, I still work on this, as it is old and deep trash.

Enjoying a certain reputation of being, say, good at a certain skill is enjoyable, fun, rewarding. It can be part of the celebration of my own uniqueness and enjoying what I have to contribute to the world.

Other than that...useless. I was taught to always look "out there" for evaluation andd it did nothing but steer me wrong. Looking within is where I need to learn to go for evaluation.

-Dylan

P.S. I took "reputation" to mean a general, real life topic, not the "reputation" points here, but one of the response posts indicated the latter...maybe I misunderstood. If you did mean the "reputation points" on this site then: I do enjoy them because it means that something I said really resonated with another person and I get to have that sense of connection and warmth which is such a wonderful experience; the ability to connect, to feel the warmth of connection to people, was pretty damaged in me and so when it occurs is such a warming, welcome experience.

 

[fin]

Thankyou to those of you that have taken the time this far to comment on this poll.

I am kind of in agreement with some comments and yet I still have not taken the trouble to vote yet myself. And I don't intend to perhaps.

I find I have some almost inner conflict somehow with things that I have read of and how I have been treated. I understand what you have written here Dylan we are I think in some ways in this thread completely on the same page also.

My internal self belief system has been founded on what other people have thought about me all my life and I am not sure how it could ever have been different for me in some ways.

My external belief system though is somehow fostered in how I would like to be treated perhaps .. and this is difficult when others treat me bad

I find in some their anger is too stong for me as I find sometimes if I guess or know it is personal or meant to hurt me then I can reflect their level of intensity (or sometimes even anger too) towards me back onto them sometimes, I do think this is a ptsd response also as well as learned and because I am trying to learn to manage my ptsd I like you Dylan have said and also I find it a continued struggle esp when others are stronger or greater than mine.

by again as has been said here by some people

and in others when they are gracious and kind I find this soothing to me, and wish to only soothe others also... it is difficult to find peace sometimes in the chaos of others ~ I think this could be why I shut myself away for soo long, I am and have always been a soother I think rather than a fighter, and maybe this is where I come undone


Thankyou to everyone that has also taken the time to comment, I am glad I started this thread and poll and also that I had the opportunity to do so in moderation also as I know I would likely not ever have done this with it or out someone checking it first Thankyou for this chance Anthony and also Nicolette for finding my mistakes and helping me with them

Please I hope that you continue to help with this question and also my others I Thank you also

 

[fin]

I wanted to say that I also agree with Becvan I do think some reputation is a smoke screen in some ways for others to hide behind for sure, I was abused in this manner in real life, this was how people found a way to exert power and control within a church [I used to attend] and also how I was later again raped too. Others fostered the fear I had struggled with through suggesting I ignore my concerns because other people knew better than me and again this was how I was abused so badly and repeatedly too I think.

But and in terms of this forum I have often used the little heart thing above to encourage some around me when I was afraid to write within a thread, because I struggle quite badly with knowing that my words will be understood as encouragement and so I have tried to show my appreciation and respect also through this form of communication too.

I am delighted that I donot have the ability to do this at present because it is making me learn to stand up for myself again in daylght rather than simply encouraging and support feeding others egos to not have to do that or this is a deep kindness, encouraging and supportive, and the knowledge I have of this friendship and these and other friendships also will always be with me, that I have been shown I am worthy of support in this way to me right now is a true real and honest blessing rather than anything less. Thankyou ~