Respect Is A Given

[Fojaje]

Someone recently asked me what I look for in a partner, and when I replied that they respect me, they seemed shocked to hear that, saying respect ought to just be an unspoken fundamental in any given relationship. Then I realized that I used to have a relationship filled with respect with my sufferer but haven't in a long time, and it made me sad.

 

[Vofiv]

That's sad. When did the respect disappear? Did you know why it happened?

 

[Fojaje]

It happened close to 2 year mark into our 3.5 year relationship. He stopped his meds cold turkey (unbeknownst to me at the time) and shit hit the proverbial fan. His reactions became so over-the-top and didn't even make sense, like screaming inches from my face and threatening to jump out onto the road because I changed the radio station in his car. People are quick to pass this off as abuse, and I understand that, believe me I do. But this is not him. At all. And I've known him since we were kids so I can fully attest to that. I just miss my ridiculously sweet love.

 

[Zoran]

Oof. That is tough, @Fojaje.

Is your sufferer open to talking, when he's in a more calm state? Re-affirming boundaries, keeping yourself safe, even emotionally, are things you absolutely have a right to.

Knowing the "why" behind behavior like that doesn't help when there is nothing to be done for it. My own sufferer would berate and belittle me for having a degree in a liberal arts field, instead of something "useful" like STEM, or a trade. He's scream at me about politics. Intellectually, both of these things are something we agree with each other, but when he is in a hyper-aware state, somehow the vilification on me starts. And, the more he descends into this spiral, the more paranoid he gets, and farther from his own beliefs.

Sadly, when our sufferers aren't addressing the root of the problem, there is little WE can do, beyond taking care of ourselves.