Research Responses To A Survey On Suicidality

[Matilda]

Okay guys, so far I've only been given thumbs up on posting the responses to my survey online. I'm going to create a post for each individual's response to my questions and post it to this thread. I'll give them a fake name, put their age, sex, and their relationship to the topic. Please, please, please feel free to debate with each response on your own experiences. Write why you may or may not agree with their response and for what reasons. Feel free to put up your responses to my questions as well, whether they be personal answers or answers from an individual you may have asked. So far, I'm pretty limited in who I can interview so it'd be great if I could have some help from people on the forum :)
Here are the questions I've asked each person so far (I may ask more questions later on, but for now this is sufficient).
1. "Why do you believe people commit suicide? It has to be an honest answer to you personally, not just researching the topic and repeating what the articles say."
2. What do you believe it must be like to be depressed?

 

[Matilda]

Name: Elizabeth, Age: 19-20, Close Relationship to a Recent Suicide Victim.
Response to question 1:
"believe that the reason why people commit suicide is because they are searching for something, some kind of answer that will make their internal struggles come to an end. I have asked myself this question multiple times, why do people kill themselves? I have not found an exact answer besides that people are struggling, they believe the lies that people around them say about them, they believe they are not worthy enough to live, some kill themselves for lack of confidence, others because they are depressed. I myself lost a friend because of suicide and his reason was because he was depressed, I had no idea that he was depressed and it broke my heart in pieces when I heard the news. This is just one example of many victims that fall into the lies that killing themselves will put an end to their misery. Not knowing that in doing so they leave behind friends, family, neighbors, co-workers and many more people who truly loved them mourning and wishing with all their heart to reverse time and stop them from making that fatal decision. Having grown up in a public school I saw and heard many young people thinking of suicide and it brought me great sadness just hearing it. Some were lost, looking for a direction, not knowing that human life is the most valuable thing on this earth. I also believe that people who kill themselves are tired of the world, are tired of feeling pain and their first instinct is suicide."
Response to question 2:
"To say that I know what it's like to be depressed would be a lie. But I can only imagine what it would be like. I think that someone with depression feels a strong burden on their shoulders, they feel as if they are useless, that no one understands what they are going through. I also believe that someone with depression attempts to hide their feelings behind a person, an activity, etc. They never fully admit that there is something wrong with them. Is it out of embarrassment? confusion? sadness? No one knows. But I do believe that a depressed person just does not want to burden another with their problems, they lie to themselves and say "I can handle it, when in reality they may not be able to handle it" Lastly, I believe that someone that is depressed tries to find joy in someone or something, they want to have a reason to live, and when that reason is gone, their whole being is gone with them. This is what I think it means to be depressed."

 

[Matilda]

Name: Emilio, Age: 20-21, Once Suffered from Mild Depression.
Response to question 1:
"It's about wanting pain to end, to stop waking up and feeling like you have no hope, feeling like the only way out is death because at least you wouldn't feel anything anymore."

(-Me: "What do you think about the people who say people consider suicide because they don't feel loved and they're just sulking? That they're just searching for the easy way out")
"I feel like they would be right in a sense, suicidal people tend to be very selfish and they are looking for anything to ease the pain."

(-Me: "But what else do you think. You said they're right in a way. What's your counter argument?"))
"People who contemplate suicide feel as though they have nothing left and in a sense it is their life so they can kill themselves if they want, really it doesn't help though."

(-Me: It seems unfair though to call them selfish though. What do you think?")
"Not really, it affects a lot more people other than themselves, it is an idea that your comfort is more important than anyone else's. It is true, selfishness is the root of it all."

Response to question 2:
"Depression is like wearing a cloud on your head, you can't see hear or understand anything. Depression is real, it is a struggle to remain positive, a struggle mentally and emotionally to see anything good. I do believe that it is an illness. Depression is not the same as being sad, depression is something that last for a long time or recurs and it is a lot stronger than sadness."

 

[Matilda]

Name: Chris, Age: 18-19, Friend Attempted Suicide
Response to question 1:
"I think it has many factors, but the big one is not having strong, supportive, and intimate relationships in one's life. One of my friends attempted, and he said he felt worthless. So what's going through their minds is a mixture of hopelessness, loneliness, and worthlessness, and possibly self-hatred. I never considered it myself, but I do remember some pretty low points in my life, but there was always some enduring hope that things would eventually be better though, and maybe attempters lose that."

(-Me: Would you mind elaborating a bit on what might be going on in their minds?")
"The depression side is something like, '*moans of pain*. If this is all i have to look forward to, then I'm ending it.' The other might be 'the one person that I can be close to, the one that I have enough courage to talk to and not screw it up makes me hurt so much.*moans of pain* Oh, God I hate myself.' Or, 'none of them care, not a single one. I could drop off the face of the earth and no one would even notice. Why do I bother?' "

Response to question 2:
"Everyone's different, but for me it was a detached, but still very painful sadness. Like, when you miss someone, but intensified and not so hopeful. Depression is very real, and it's most of the time a result of either a lack of intimate relationships or it's a secondary emotion (like bitterness, depression, panic) resultant from stuffing a very strong primary emotion (like anger, grief). And that's not like a 'deal with it' thing. We're programmed by genetics, and a slew of other things on how we react to emotions. Depression can be a strictly genetic illness, but most of the time it's a psychological symptom of a greater problem, namely, that of how we handle/have handled emotions, which in no may means it isn't real. It's kind of like how dying is a symptom of cancer. Sad is within the normal bounds of everyday life. Depressions exceeds those. Actually the cancer analogy is almost perfect. It's an anomalous error where the programming of your body/mind makes it attack itself with disastrous effects that can only be controlled through very conscious efforts (for cancer, the conscious effort would be chemo; fr depression, therapy)."

 

[Matilda]

Name: Annabelle, Age: 23-24, Suffered from severe depression and attempted suicide.
Response to question 1:
"I guess suicide is that person's last response to increasing amounts of stress and anxiety. For me it was the belief that there was no other option than to end it. At that point it's difficult to see beyond you and your circumstances. People sometimes call it selfishness, but it's really a lack of an ability to see outward. It can become a selfishness if the behavior continues over an extended amount of time. I guess, self preservation? But that seems like an odd way to put it is the person is suicidal."

(-Me: "What do you think about the people who say people consider suicide because they don't feel loved and they're just sulking? That they're just searching for the easy way out?")
"For some reason the human race has this reflex that wants to live. A lot of bad things have to happen for someone to turn that around and want to die to find relief. I think maybe those types of people probably don't understand what severe depression and suicidal feeling are like. It's also easier to cope with that thought other than realizing the suicidal person needs help. Just claim they are the problem and then no one needs to do anything because its their problem. That's kind of ironic because it was those kinds of people that discouraged me to the point of depressions and then later suicide. In the field of Communication it's called Attribution Theory or figuring out where blame should be placed. A coping mechanism."

Response to question 2:
"Depression starts by first feeling negative emotions such as sadness only over an extended amount of time. It only gets worse the longer the person remains in that mental state. At this point I do consider it a mental illness. And like illnesses, depression needs to be taken care of like an illness with medication or behavioral therapy, or both. What does it feel like to be depressed? I guess the most obvious answer would be it's like the opposite of elation. I get sluggish and spacey. I am more emotional, but I don't cry as much. So anger and bitterness, especially toward myself.It's harder to be courageous when you are depressed. Though I am sure there are some people who are just making up excuses, I'd have to say that most are not. I can tell you that when I was fully in my depression, if there had been a way to 'snap out of it' I would have done it. It's not a lovely experience."

 

[Matilda]

Name: Esther, Age: 19-20, Survivor of Sexual Abuse and attempted suicide.
Response to question 1:
"Well some because they are bullied through out their lifes, in my case I wasn't bullied but I considered suicide because of what I was going through... I didn't know how to handle it anymore. I was sick and tired of what my he was doing and I thought that the only way for him to stop was killing me..
Many also considered suicide because they have so many problems going on in their life that they don't know how to handle them."

Response to question 2:
"Hm well I guess it must be hard, and terrible, and I guess you feel hopeless, down, lonely, empty..
I guess is not in their heads, it's an illness.. Sometimes you can't handle feelings like that. It's not the same as being sad."

 

[Matilda]

Warning: This is, so far, one of the most frustrating responses I've received.
Name: Lynn, Age: 19-20, No relationship which I know of.

Response to question 1:
"They consider/commit suicide because they reach a point where they give up on themselves. Some people feel they are not loved enough."

(-Me: Could you elaborate a bit more.")
"They just completely give up on life, friends, work...They give up because nothing goes the way they want it to go. They choose to sulk instead of doing something about their problems! To make whatever the situation is better. That sulking leads to depression and then they just want it to stop! So they choose to take their life! Once they give up on themselves, then it's hard to pull them out of depressions and to pick them up to open their eyes to the truth."

(-Me:...What exactly did you mean when you said 'the truth'?)
"The truth that they are not a nobody, that they are a somebody and people love and care about them. The truth that the whole universe doesn't revolve around them and that not everything goes the way they think it should. They should also never want to be known as a quiter, as a failure in life, to their friends and family and that should be like good peer pressure to drive them to become a better person."

Reponse to question 2:
"The depressed, can't cope with life and depression is the same as being sad. I wouldn't even consider it an illness...It's not an illness, as in it shouldn't be treated with medication-okay, no it's not an illness. When you're depressed, nothing satisfies you, nothing makes you happy anymore. You cry for no definite reason. I would say depression is just in their minds. They simply can't control their emotions! They just can't cope with life."

 

[desiderata310]

WOW. it must be nice to have lived as blessed a life as what Lynn has had.

I was married to someone like this. When I attempted suicide about a decade ago he was the most callous and unfeeling person towards me. He couldn't have cared less that his wife almost died. He couldn't stand looking at me. The fact that I am mentally ill made me just an untouchable blight on humanity.

I gave up. I was trapped at that point. He treated me like a prisoner: doled out medicine, checked on me by the hour, watched everything I did. Not in a loving bid to make sure I was safe but because he didn't want to get blamed if I tried again. It made him angry (he told me this) that I made him have to be concerned about my welfare. He resented that I was in need of compassion.

In his attempt to shame me into mental health, I actually got worse. I attempted again and after that I adopted a more lethal method.

I don't think I've ever felt so alone as I did during that very black time of my life.

"Lynn" sounds as warm and caring and mature as my ex. It turns out that my ex actually has no empathy for anyone. My son and I were just having a conversation about how he didn't think his dad loves him and I had to explain that his dad does love him as much as his dad is capable of loving anyone. The joke's on "Lynn" and my ex-husband. Turns out he is schizophrenic. I may have sever depression and PTSD but he is just as mentally ill.. if not more. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that she is too.

@Matilda are you hoping some of us would answer those questions?

 

[Lucycat]

Okay guys, so far I've only been given thumbs up on posting the responses to my survey online.

Do you mean your academic institution gave you permission - or the administration of this site gave you permission? This is very unusual posting and it makes me feel uncomfortable to be reading information that was provided to you by third persons.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@Lucycat,

Neither. It's an informal survey she's been asking those in her life. She asked in another thread if we'd like to know what others said and a number of us said yes.

 

[Matilda]

@Lucycat. As solara said, I did ask in a previous thread if the members on the forum were fine with me putting up the results of the survey online for them to read. Several said they were interested in seeing the results and I hadn't seen a response stating they were uncomfortable with the idea yet. If this does cause too much discomfort in the future then I might talk to a moderator about removing this thread because this forum should remain a place which people feel comfortable coming to.
@desiderata310 feel free to answer the questions for yourself, ONLY if you feel comfortable in doing so :). Everyone's experience is unique and I don't believe depression or suicide should ever be watered down so much as everyone just being "sad" or as a result of feeling "unloved". I know my case has been more complicated than many of the answers I've received, but that doesn't mean everyone is like me. Some have attempted suicide because of bullying or because they don't feel loved. I'm planning on answering the questions myself at some point when I'm able to find the words to describe how this has all felt for me personally.

 

[user27357]

I gotta say I believe in a strong distinction between suicide and suicidality. You have asked people why they thought about it or why they tried it and I commend you for your approach and positive intent.

A large portion of the studied group is unstudiable. the data has departed before it could be collected!