Running Towards Triggers

[drgnfl2078]

Does anyone else run towards the things that upset you? It seems like I am so comfortable in stressful situations I am uncomfortable in un-stressful situations. Sitting at work when I start to stare off into space and am not doing enough work in my own head I start listening to songs that I know will upset me...once I get myself good and stressed out then I can focus on doing something. Logically its foolish but I know I do it!

 

[Peacemaker]

Please, please! run and get some help before you ruin all of your relationships. Don't expect someone else to understand what you're going through; no one can, they can listen however, they get tired of listening to stories about you, you, you! I am not making light of your situation, I understand that it is real, but it just is not normal, nor is it conducive to having productive relationships. I've noticed that my husband a PTSD survivor is "reactive" seldom "proactive," he loves to run around "putting out fires," he can't imagine taking preventive measures, it drives everyone insane, not many people wish to live on the edge. After years of "keeping my vows," I've grown weary and can't take it any more, one more person to defect from his life. Only people skilled in your disorder can help you, seek help now!

 

[drgnfl2078]

I know I shouldn't be upset by your posting...but its very frustrating and upsetting. What do you think I AM doing? I see a consolor several times a month, take meds, and joined a support group. I understand the frustration of being around someone with PTSD...I have it! Can you image having to deal with all the things that annoy you of your husband put in your own head and never able to shut off? Hearing things like this doesn't really help, at least not to me...it actually makes it worse. If you can't handle life on the edge...walk away and cool off. Saying things like that to people that ARE trying to do something just makes you feel like why bother talk to people because clearly all the relationship are just doomed...and what we are trying to do isn't good enough.

 

[OKRADLAK]

drgnf: Try not to be too sad about that post. There are many carers on here who are at their wits' end. They often have as many issues as we do.

((((((drgnf)))))))))))))

And Peace.......you may need to make hard decisions. PTSD is terrible and I feel sorry that your loved one has it. You are right, often what you do or anyone does simply is not good enough because PTSD is a beast of a disorder. We are all trying and working out our issues. dr opened up and he needs support. There is the carers forum to vent about our behavior.

 

[missd84]

Drgnfl2078, many times when I'm bored or don't have a lot to do, my symptoms get worse. I also understand the running towards things that upset you or remind you of the trauma. It's part of the disorder and it's very frustrating. Part of you probably wants to let go and another part feels like you can't forget. I've been having the same issue. I feel some guilt for wanting to get better because I'm afraid if I do, that in some weird way, it might happen to me again. I hope this forum can help you. I know in the month or so that I've been on here, it's helped me tremendously.

 

[ruffdeal]

Hi dragonfly,
I completely understand what your saying and how it feels cause i feel the same way.I've been thinking it must be because we went through so much that is considered abnormal it's the norm for us.I have no problem in times of utter chaos or craziness that drive the average person to the beyond the edge.
The monday morning sales meeting now thats another story,to me thats the most stressfull thing in the world.To sit in a room with the people i work with and get along with fine is almost an undoable act for me. i don't know why that is but i'm working on it too.
good post and i'm glad your here.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear drgnfl2078,

I can't say I do that specifically as I am one more for avoidance unless I am trying to purposefully 'take on' a trigger eg. to try to extinguish it, but I was thinking today how crises are easier to 'manage' just because of familiarity, I am wondering if it's because one knows what to 'think' or 'do'? Also emotions or 'feelings' have to be put aside. Whereas when the gravity of that is absent, or nothing can be 'done', I for one don't consciously know 'what' to think, nor therefore what to feel. And I don't think I can think differently without the input of new perspective or thoughts.

In another thread they also mentioned that if something is 'positive' we have a tendency to fear we know that can't be so and so we therefore begin to come up with reasons to prove that is the case.

I also know they say to ride feelings through, but at times like those when they are negative I find they are overwhelming and generate their own steam without a different perspective interjected as above- maybe that's why they're avoided to begin with. :confused:

Dear Peacemaker, ptsd is a horrible thing for all-concerned to have to deal with. I'm just wondering if perhaps by (each of us) only concentrating on what we can change about ourselves, if you might experience a shift in the dynamic between you and your husband? If nothing else, you will feel better and that's key. I don't mean to sound like I'm minimizing what you're going through, just that sometimes small changes can make a world of difference.
What I mean is you need to take care of yourself, but blame and shame and guilt towards him will likely only make matters worse- especially when he knows it is life-long and incurable- he probably has too much of that already and that's part of the problem with ptsd.
(It's ok for people without ptsd to feel overwhelmed, too- that sort of helps you understand how your husband feels and perhaps why he has been reacting as he has. Just that perhaps you are at your wit's end with your husband and he is at his wit's end with himself and ptsd. :()

 

[Froggie]

It seems like I am so comfortable in stressful situations I am uncomfortable in un-stressful situations.

Hi (((drgnfl2078))), found this thread this morning. Sent me down "memory lane". I was like that for years ... it became part of who I am and who I became as a T. I was able to deal with crisis situations as there was some sort of familiarity. I know it was life conditionning now. It took years to get the negative side of that conditionning out of my system. I now deal with the denial system.

During that period ... memory lane ... I was so proud of being "strong". But the reality wasn't that. Ouff, stopping here as I'm starting to feel sad. Hang in there (((drgnfl2078))).

In symbolism, did you know that the dragon fly helps us deal with our illusions and/or through our dillusions ??? Great symbol YOU chose to help you through don't you think ?

 

[Srain]

Hi dragonfly,
I completely understand what your saying and how it feels cause i feel the same way.I've been thinking it must be because we went through so much that is considered abnormal it's the norm for us.I have no problem in times of utter chaos or craziness that drive the average person to the beyond the edge.

I am working on living without a life of constant adrenaline rush, i.e. this needs to be address like yesterday, this phone call needs to be made along this letter written, so and so is in the hospital, make this dr appt, have this surgery, get this divorce, blah blah blah. If all else is right quit job and move! Sheesh, make like chaotic!

When that was all okay, I finally stopped avoiding "those" songs and memories. The flashbacks came and my PTSD symptoms needed addressing. I think you can look at it 2 ways, running to triggers or addressing them. You came here so now you can start to figure it out.

Welcome :)
Rain

Peace, welcome to the site, I know you meant well, there are always 2 people in a relationship, it's important to remember each may have their own issues going on. I'm glad you found this site and I hope you find the peace you are seeking.

 

[OKRADLAK]

I do not do that specifically, though I tend to be bored with people who have had linear, uncomplicated lives. I am also very jealous of them, so maybe it's not boredom.

I tend to gravitate toward people who are rough around the edges. Not good for me at all. When I saw that, I just got to be alone mostly.

Now I am with a group of people who are driving me mad, for sure, but I am trying to really pull back and look at it from above.

I like people a lot, but I don't understand them anymore at all. It is like I am an alien. I hear people say that, and it's true. I no longer understand people.

 

[drgnfl2078]

Hi (((drgnfl2078))), found this thread this morning. Sent me down "memory lane". I was like that for years ... it became part of who I am and who I became as a T. I was able to deal with crisis situations as there was some sort of familiarity. I know it was life conditionning now. It took years to get the negative side of that conditionning out of my system. I now deal with the denial system.

During that period ... memory lane ... I was so proud of being "strong". But the reality wasn't that. Ouff, stopping here as I'm starting to feel sad. Hang in there (((drgnfl2078))).

In symbolism, did you know that the dragon fly helps us deal with our illusions and/or through our dillusions ??? Great symbol YOU chose to help you through don't you think ?

(((Froggie))) I don't know your circumstances but I think anyone who deals with PTSD is strong...has to be to survive it. As do the people that have to deal with us on a daily basis! I mean I know (logically anyways) that we are all human and not super human...well hugs!

Had no idea when I chose the name...just always been a screen name for me. :)

 

[drgnfl2078]

I hate life 'away from the edge'