• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

S & M - Its Relationship To PTSD?

Status
Not open for further replies.
well... you've got some points there.

i know my posts motivated yours, and i agree with some parts of what you say, but what i mean is that not every S&M relationship is a stable couple that take a role each and interact in this manner all the time.

i believe there are lots of grays to this. some of them i could mention are:

some actual S&M couples have sex in this way because they get off at it, but outside of sex the "S" part is not dominant of the "M" part... they both act like grown adults who take their own decisions freely and there is no "if you loved me" beyond the sex part. because they leave the mind games out ONLY through sexual play.

plus, 90% of the guys who hire dominatrices are not abused people who can't just wish other thing. they are healthy successful professionals who's position in life is to make all the decisions and always take the lead, and want to take a break from it through play... they want to be able not to decide for a while, it's appealing to them, and they go for it. and then, when they leave their domme's realm, they're back to their life of being in charge of everything.

what i meant by my posts was that i don't think it's good to be so judgmental about other people's sexual fantasies. we get off at what we get off. some people get off at being hurt. of those people, some go to therapy to try and reprogram themselves so they don't anymore, some find a way to let it out through play (S&M is a lot about acting) so it won't control the rest of their lives, and some just go and find a wife beater they can marry and end up really hurt. i believe that the first two choices are preferable.

again i would like to clarify that i know that not every S&M couple does it in a healthy way. Some people do not talk enough about what they want or not and end up getting what they didn't, some go way beyond the limit of momentary pain and end up badly hurt.

but i know some people actually discusses what they want to feel, when and how, only take part in S&M sessions with people they trust, uses safety words, and has a good time enjoying it healthily, and i respect their right to.
 
So hmmm. Well, since you are an authority in what is not deviant behavior or a need for mental or emotional help then we should just leave those who get off on kiddie porn alone too? I mean I have seen enough of the net to know there is anime (sp?) of kiddie porn so you don't really need kids to pose, and none are harmed, so we should just leave them alone and nothing is wrong with it because, hey a said number of people get off to it so it is no big deal?

If you can't understand why people who get off on pain or get off on hurting someone else is a sign they need help then well, I am wasting my time typing. And it is pretty sad. Later dude.
 
Thanks everyone for contributing to my thread, and sorry I haven't been in here much myself. Kind of ironic, but after I posted this thread I got triggered by it and I've had to avoid it for a few days as a result! :P I'm still not really feeling ready to say much in here. I will say though that regardless of the "consenting adults" argument and other arguments in favour of S&M, I am still of the opinion that most who people who get off on it probably need serious help. I can't explain it, it just gives me a yuk feeling in my gut, the whole idea of it. And I am trying to learn to trust my gut. But anyways thanks everyone for participating, I appreciate it.
 
since you are an authority

I should have found a nicer way to put that, sorry about the mood set on that part of my post. Rest of it was meant and not disrespectful.
 
it's ok. it happens.

i have to admit i do feel kind of personally attacked by your posts, i think you have a strong point and you could have gotten it across perfectly without including the bits in which i've "got to be f***ing kidding" (i'm not, i'm just trying to express my opinion), you're "wasting your time" talking to me (no one's forcing you to do it), i'm sad (that's not very kind), and i probably support child porn (i don't).

i was not trying to get anybody upset, i just meant to contribute to the conversation, and i tried my best to do so in a respectful manner and not to put down other people's opinions, and anyway it got kinda rough and it makes me pretty sad.

hoping to get along better in the future,
vera
 
Articles of interest that are linked to this subject:

[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread5673.html[/DLMURL]

[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread5674.html[/DLMURL]

bec
 
One of the primary issues that brings me to do S&M is that the most attention I got as a kid from family is if I was being punished. So when I get "spanked", to me that's someone showing what my heart feels is love, though I would never do that with a woman I want for my wife because eventually it brings up bad feelings that can disrupt a relationship.
 
CJ I totally understand the kid thing in feeling loved when you got punished ....Happened in my family too. When I told my therapist about how sometimes to get attention we would be bad, he said that as children we don't care, good behavior, bad behavior as long as we get attention. Even if it included a beating.

I just have a hard time wrapping my head around this whole subject. I can understand why someone would get into it, but on the other hand.....I don't understand because I just feel that you have been through enough pain already in your life, so why bring in more.

It just confuses the hell out of me.....It also brings up the issue of abuse too..To sad, to hurtful, to much...

Wen
 
My experiences with S&M were a mixed bag. I found out that I could be one or the other, depending on my mood at the time, but there is a point where it can be very uncomfortable, like the begging part, because I would feel pleasure up until a certain point and then flashback. At the time I didn't realize I was flashing back and would jump on the safety word for all it was worth. I'm lucky in that the partners I had (when I was being sub) were responsible enough to stop. There are those who blur the line between rape fantasy and actual rape and the confusion gets worse from there.

I think it's a case of being able to let yourself go in the fantasy world. It's also a major issue of TRUST. No matter how aroused or willing you may be, if there is one little doubt, your body will keep bringing you out of the fantasy into reality.

I find my preference is for teasing more than the hardcore "punishment". It's more fun and can bring in an element of humor which helps everyone relax.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top