Sad Today

[Copper Princess]

T1100 TacLight Flashlight - I want one myself I once I have checked out those who have purchased th...

Thank you so much!! I will check it out right now.

 

[J'qel]

It's okay Copper, I know I'm getting better. Struggling is good-it means I haven't given up yet :)

As long as we're here, we can fight :)

 

[OneToughCookie]

I feel the same way today. My body is so heavy. I guess it helps knowing I'm not so alone; the internet is great in that way. Thankfully I took a semester off from school and most of my work can be done from my bed. My most important work is probably learning how to rest and deal with how I'm feeling.

The other day I flipped out for the first time in my life ever at my previously abusive parents because I had a full stress cup and thought they should help pay for my medical expenses since they caused much of my PTSD. My mom stopped being abusive a while back, while my dad just recently did. We mended our relationship, and I took the first opportunity to express my anger since I'd never been able to without retaliation. His change was short-lived and he abused me again. I went no contact with him for good. Recently I've been feeling like it's my fault he abused me. If I hadn't gotten so angry, he wouldn't have. I know it's not true, that he's responsible for his actions, and I did nothing wrong but uncharacteristically lack tact and voice a complaint. Voicing a complaint isn't even wrong, it just is in the eyes of my narcissistic dad who thinks he is the perfect father who gave me a perfect childhood. He called me ungrateful, entitled, and bratty.

My PTSD symptoms have been pretty bad since then. We know they come and go, but it's really tough when they're here. You're very emotionally strong simply for enduring. I really hope your sadness leaves you soon and you gain the energy to heal yourself with some compassionate, encouraging, hopeful thoughts and a calming activity like tea, petting an animal, throwing a blanket in the dryer and snuggling up in it. You're doing exactly what you need to be doing right now, adulting be damned. I'm really sorry about your loss. *Huge hug*

 

[Copper Princess]

I feel the same way today. My body is so heavy. I guess it helps knowing I'm not so alone; the i...

Thank you! I hope that you get some relief soon. I am feeling a little better. I had therapy today which is always super hard for me. It was completely a waste of time because I did nothing but babble about things with absolutely no value.

You are not alone...we can only get better now, right!!?

 

[ladee]

Banking about nothing is laying the foundation for trust with your T....you did excellent.

 

[J'qel]

Going to therapy when you're having "a day" or "a week" (or longer) is a huge achievement. You should, indeed, feel proud of yourself. I hope it gets better soon. <3

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Going to therapy when you're having "a day" or "a week" (or longer) is a huge achievement. You should, in...

@Copper Princess you and your daughter are in my hearts and prayers; see here that you have had therapy. Babbling even mumbling in therapy is still communicating with your T; I'm in EMDR Therapy - talk therapy (which works for many, many people and I tried for decades) left me feeling the ways you've described. You were diagnosed a couple of months ago? Perhaps you may want to try EMDR; it will help most likely (EMDR has good success rate for most people but not all) as this type of therapy is working for me to numb the memories and reprogram my brain. I deal with fear (paranoia) as well, as this type of therapy is helping me with fear (eye movement desensitizing and reprogramming).

I will have eighth session today (very difficult because memories are so horrific) and I am noticing a difference in the decrease (and reprogramming) from negative messaging brain sends out. Neg. messaging changes in mid-thought to a more positive messaging. Crazeee, but true. Hope you look into this type of therapy for yourself. Praying about your fears (of one of your abusers being let out of prison. Again, I do care so much about what you are feeling and going through. (Had friend die this past Friday) and EMDR Therapy sessions leaves my brain numb (desensitized) and reeling trying to find it's place again on leading my body through all of this muck and mire. Please if you pray, please send up prayer for me re: therapy today - as you know @Copper Princess therapy is difficult to go through and if you don't pray please send out into universe healing warm thoughts for me as well! Hugs and tender thoughts. JadesJewel

 

[OneToughCookie]

Oops, I directed the "I'm really sorry about your loss" to the wrong person.

It's been a rough week, but I am feeling better. I thought about how I often think I don't deserve things like food and sleep and stopped internalizing what my dad said. My therapist suggested we not do prolonged exposure therapy this week which helped as well. I feel for you all a great deal right now. I really hope your therapy goes well, @JadesJewel . I'm glad you're learning how to just be, @Copper Princess . @J'qel , I'm sorry you believe your resume and work history is worthless and that you don't feel you have a reason to get up.

You seem like a really supportive group of people and I'm so impressed by your perseverance. If I can do anything to support you, please let me know. Things do get better.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Oops, I directed the "I'm really sorry about your loss" to the wrong person.

It's been a rough...

Thank you @OneToughCookie you are supporting me and others here whenever you post. And appreciate so much your thoughts about my EMDR Therapy today @ 3:30 PM. I missed 1/17 appt (was confused about date). Next appt is January 31. Usually only every 2 weeks (trying to make up time). It is sooo good to hear that you're doing better after having such a rough week (time). I really admire your most recent post to @Copper Princess - you are very encouraging and supportive and what a gift to have; the gift of encouraging others. @OneToughCookie I really like your forum name - sounds very strong which we must be to stay the course in recovery from ptsd.

I'm starting to get stressed and anxiety ridden because I know that I (as before these past 7 EMDR sessions) will come out of dr.'s office today in a little while - with my brain in my hands (figuratively) brain-numb and I'm told this is to expected for some post EMDR session. I just miss being able to want to make jewelry; engage in life (at least a bit) post sessions. I have been taught that my brain as it desensitizing and reprogramming the pro. comp. ptsd negative-messaging into positive messaging (re-formatting (brain) itself) Post sessions, I am experiencing serious temporary memory loss; confusion, brain freeze and wanting to sleep a lot again - post session.

@Copper Princess and babbling (as you shared) is good - it beats the alternative frozen and unable to speak (catatonia). And me, and @J'qel will show how proud we are individually of you until you can see that what you did during your recent session with your T is as @J'qel said - a huge achievement. (hugs) and more (hugs) @Copper Princess, @OneToughCookie, and @J'qel. JadesJewel

 

[J'qel]

Thanks, One Tough Cookie. I'm muddling myself along as I can, but it's nice to hear words of encouragement.

 

[Copper Princess]

Banking about nothing is laying the foundation for trust with your T....you did excellent.

Thank you!!

 

[Copper Princess]

Thank you @OneToughCookie you are supporting me and others here whenever you post...

Thank you so much! I wish you luck with your upcoming therapy session. You are a very strong individual. You will succeed with your EMDR and we will be here for you as you travel this journey. (Hugs)