Safe Touch

[anonymous]

I'm realizing touch by people I care about and trust is not at all safe. I immediately go into freeze. But meeting a stranger offline for sex (something I've managed not to do for three years ) is perfectly okay. I live alone, not dating, and can tell you every time in the past week someone has touched my hand giving me change or brushing by me. It's been years since I had real contact. Massage therapy seems like it would be a safe alternative but I freeze after so not an option.

Just wondering if anyone else has a similar experience.

 

[Friday]

Safe is a feeling, not a reality.

I can feel perfectly safe in the most f*cked up, dangerous, deadly situations... And be out of my mind, when barring asteroids, atomic bombs, and other extremely unlikely things, am safe as houses.

How safe something feels? Isn't a reason to do, or not do, anything.

 

[Intrepid]

I agree with @FridayJones that feeling safe is much different that being safe.

I once had a therapist in group therapy tell another client to touch my shoulder in order to demonstrate physical boundaries. When he did I jumped away as if I had been attacked. The therapist was surprised but understanding. He acknowledged the kind of fear I felt, and it really helped. I still react like that at times. However, knowing someone understands really helps me feel afraid of touch while not acting on it.

 

[Ronin]

I realize I feel safe in unsafe to deadly situations, it's a lifestyle & thinking & lived-too-long-in-it thing, and aim for the better / doing safe things with safe people even when they feel all sorts of off.

Feelings aren't reality, and shouldn't ruin reality as acted upon.

 

[Biz]

I don't have the same dynamic with stranger sex vs. strangers in general, although, I do get attached to people I hardly know. But I have had the experience of recognizing a lack of physical contact.

Almost four years ago, I went to a training for a wilderness medicine certification. There were medical scenarios of evaluating wounds, broken bones, etc. I realized it was the only touch I'd experienced in (at that point a year). It was a huge indicator of my isolation.

Currently, I get reiki/Rosen Method bodywork weekly. It's been really helpful for changing my feelings about safe touch. My practitioner says that she thinks massage can be too much for some people with trauma because it, mechanically, pushes deeply and can be too overstimulating. Feldenkrais, Rosen Method, or Reiki could also be good options.