I don't remember a time when I felt 'safe' with others, (friends or family) without feeling this urge to get away from others and be alone. Every moment of my life was full of chaos, and family squabbles, and I never knew what would come next; No healthy baseline for security, no person to turn to to help, and alot of time spent alone growing up in front of a videogame.
I just remember dealing with alot of irrational behavior from people around me, and there was always this lingering feeling of 'you never know!' or 'what(and more accurately WHO)'s here today can be gone tomorrow!'. Everything was so nebulously connected that I never feel a sense of safety and security to this day (save for sleeping with a pair of knives, crazy right?? :mask: lol) When a person's need for security, and safety is constantly betrayed, and disturbed by parents, the person quickly learns their sense of mortality before the grasp competence to deal with such experiences.
I don't think my parents have the mental abilities to understand that they have a child struggling in life, not because he doesn't want to make it, but because his mind is full of garbage that was brought on by them, and emotions he had to force downward to keep things moving smoothly enough to get himself through without wasting time emoting to deaf ears...they sicken me, and that's on a good day. :depressed:
How do you achieve that sense of security and safety without feeling like you want to explode and hurt others? I don't want to be a victim of my upbringing, and I would like to stay FAR away from jail, because I've got a LOT of anger, and other unresolved emotions that's been built up inside of me for a VERY long time;
Thanks for the help, and advice in advanced guys!
I just remember dealing with alot of irrational behavior from people around me, and there was always this lingering feeling of 'you never know!' or 'what(and more accurately WHO)'s here today can be gone tomorrow!'. Everything was so nebulously connected that I never feel a sense of safety and security to this day (save for sleeping with a pair of knives, crazy right?? :mask: lol) When a person's need for security, and safety is constantly betrayed, and disturbed by parents, the person quickly learns their sense of mortality before the grasp competence to deal with such experiences.
I don't think my parents have the mental abilities to understand that they have a child struggling in life, not because he doesn't want to make it, but because his mind is full of garbage that was brought on by them, and emotions he had to force downward to keep things moving smoothly enough to get himself through without wasting time emoting to deaf ears...they sicken me, and that's on a good day. :depressed:
How do you achieve that sense of security and safety without feeling like you want to explode and hurt others? I don't want to be a victim of my upbringing, and I would like to stay FAR away from jail, because I've got a LOT of anger, and other unresolved emotions that's been built up inside of me for a VERY long time;
Thanks for the help, and advice in advanced guys!
