Do you have a suicide safety plan?

Roland

Confident
Do you have a suicide safety plan? If so, what is it? Did you use a template or make your own? Does anyone use an app, if so which one is recommended and why?

Most of the things I see on suicide safety things are basically things I never feel like I can use. I never want to go to call 911, go to the emergency room, or self admit to a mental hospital, because I don't have much money nor good insurance and I'm kinda afraid of the healthcare industry as a whole (I'm sorry, I'm extremely cynical, I hate society and people, I'm aware that these people are "good and help people" but I don't trust).

I have called a suicide hotline before and I found it somewhat helpful, she referred me to another hotline after understanding what I was dealing with. NAMI was much more helpful, but it's mental health resources and answers, not a crisis hotline.

I could definitely make my environment safer, last time I was suicidal I bought knives and they've been stashed in my car ever since because I don't want to ever be stuck with a dull knife again.

As far as contacting people I love and trust and are there for me, I don't like bothering people when I'm in a crisis, but also I do have people I will contact if I really need it (but only if I decide I'm not going to do it).

I'd love to hear about what others do, because I always feel like I'm in checkmate when I'm suicidal, afraid to get help, afraid to tell anyone, afraid of myself, afraid to do it, afraid not to do it.

I'm aware that this post is riddled with cognitive distortions, but that's actual things I believe and think when I'm suicidal and I really just don't want to be in that place again, but I see the threat of it spurring back up again. I'm not currently dealing with this, but the last "episode" was last March. So I know I'm not completely out of the woods yet.
 

Roland

Confident
There is a book based on IFS called Self Therapy by Jay Earley (he worked with Dick Schwartz). In the introduction he says you can do the work with a trusted friend. The main thing for that book is having someone who can listen to you talk about your parts as you discover and work with them, I think. And they say it can be a therapist, friend, minister, coach, etc.
Thank you, I'll look into it
 

Givrali

MyPTSD Pro
I'm wanting o die so often for so long I'm quite used to just want to die and not reacting a this desire at all

When I have a peak the first thing that block me is to know for having tried multiple times I'm not able to purposely harm me. Then we'll it's the fact I'm not able to do it

So I only have to take care of the distress that comes with it and I'm used to tell the right people how I'm feeling
 

Roland

Confident
I'm wanting o die so often for so long I'm quite used to just want to die and not reacting a this desire at all

When I have a peak the first thing that block me is to know for having tried multiple times I'm not able to purposely harm me. Then we'll it's the fact I'm not able to do it

So I only have to take care of the distress that comes with it and I'm used to tell the right people how I'm feeling
That makes a lot of sense.
 

Sideways

Moderator
Mine escalates every year it seems
This is really useful in treatment. Recognising patterns like this? Crazy how useful they can be! As well as when to step up supports and medication, it can also help identify when you can ease off, and get back into a rhythm of stability.

So, when you say it escalates each year: is each year escalating to a particular peak? Are their stages involved in that process, or is it more sudden, like "bam, here we are back in serious terrain suddenly"? Is it related to weather patterns? Significant events (because how hard is Christmas season, right? Gah) Or is something else? (With ptsd, there's very often a something else). How long does the trough last?

And when is it easiest for you? What are the key indicators for you that you're up, or really down? Sometimes identifying what makes life really hard makes it possible to identify when those things aren't in play (like, I don't always spend 16 hours a day ruminating on..., sometimes that rumination just, like, backs off...).

I couldn't have gotten to where I am with managing my symptoms with insight just like this. It may have just been an offhand thought for you, but it was a really important one.
 

Roland

Confident
This is really useful in treatment. Recognising patterns like this? Crazy how useful they can be! As well as when to step up supports and medication, it can also help identify when you can ease off, and get back into a rhythm of stability.

So, when you say it escalates each year: is each year escalating to a particular peak? Are their stages involved in that process, or is it more sudden, like "bam, here we are back in serious terrain suddenly"? Is it related to weather patterns? Significant events (because how hard is Christmas season, right? Gah) Or is something else? (With ptsd, there's very often a something else). How long does the trough last?

And when is it easiest for you? What are the key indicators for you that you're up, or really down? Sometimes identifying what makes life really hard makes it possible to identify when those things aren't in play (like, I don't always spend 16 hours a day ruminating on..., sometimes that rumination just, like, backs off...).

I couldn't have gotten to where I am with managing my symptoms with insight just like this. It may have just been an offhand thought for you, but it was a really important one.
Thank you, that's helpful pointers. Sometimes it's hard to really identify, actually very hard. It seems like this idea that it's never going to get better, but triggered by different things. Definitely connected to March the month as two out of three episodes were in March. Yeah definitely have some analyzing to do.
 

LeiaFlower

Learning
I have one, have had for years. I keep it handy (even tho I'm not a risk atm at all), and I update it regularly.

The things that I need to keep in mind when I tweek it: it needs to reflect my pattern depression, not just what I think people should do. Knowing yourself, your risk factors, how and when SI becomes real, becomes problematic, how you personally respond to different supports (I can do this, but I'll definitely never do that) - that's gold for safety plans. It not only makes the plan genuinely helpful, but you can rely on it being a realistic support - when I pull out my plan, I know there's things on it that I will do.

Clear trigger points are super helpful: when I'm thinking this..., when I'm doing this..., etc. This comes from your experience of suicidality as it plays out for you, made as specific as possible so that it requires zero brain power to determine if you need to take specific action when you're at your most unwell (because you will try and talk yourself out of doing things you need to, right?!).

Mine has 3 different levels, which reflect how my SI tends to escalate, and the interventions at each level are things that I know are my best chance at something being helpful for me.


I'd reframe this, from being a bad thing, to being a good thing. Not wanting to go to hospital is actually the healthy way to feel about hospital (and...a surprising number of people don't actually feel this way). This is how you're supposed to feel about hospital.

The trick is going to be coming to an agreement with yourself about when, irrespective of how much you don't want to go, you know the ED is necessary. And take yourself there in spite of how you feel (acting in spite of how you feel is big part of depression management, because if you feel anything at all? It's usually to not do any of those things that will help).

For me, going to the ED was the final step on my safety plan for years. And it sucks. No two ways about it. Sometimes it simply amounted to an overnight hold, which kept me alive. Sometimes it was far more dramatic and awful - that also kept me alive.

These days? I know me, and I know what I can and can't commit to in those emergency moments. I've had a lot of hospitalisations (cough...a lot!) and there's specific hospitals I won't go back to. So it's not on my plan anymore.

I now have a safe chair, and when I hit the red light on my safety plan, I sit in my safe chair with my dog, and message my pdoc about where I'm at (frankly, and with her knowing in advance about my safety plan). The deal is that I don't get out of the chair until I hear back from her about what to do next, or I can keep myself alive again. I have that as my final step now because I know that I can, and will, do that when I need to. I've slept in the chair overnight many times. It sucks. But I'm still alive.

Safety plans are the best. But they do need to be current, and reflect the realities of you, your typical symptoms, and what you actually can commit to when it comes to the crunch. If you can figure that out? It's one of the most important things a person with a history of depression and suidality will ever do as part of their recovery.
Do you have a sample of what you mean? I want to create my own though my mind is drawing sort of a blank in formulating everything you said into my own plan.
 
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