Safety As A Basic Human Right

[Kas_Can_Fly]

My sister has just been allocated an advocate who has told her that safety is a basic human right and it is wrong for us to be living in fear and has told her he will make it his job to find a way to not help just her become safe, but me, my mum and other sisters too - to help us relocate away from my abusers and so that we don't feel unable to leave our home because of a genuine threat and also if we needed it now restraining orders (the threat of which is the only reason we're being (mostly) left alone by family and abusers). Feeling safe is something I haven't felt for so long and I feel so desperate for it as if this were somehow a physical problem. I feel like I'm constantly about to cry (even though I can't) and constantly as if I can't breathe through the difficult and constant struggle - as if I'm in pain from it.

I know that moving away isn't all that impossible but it feels like it. We're pretty trapped financially, if I stay with my Mum, the issue is that her job would take some time to build up a client base and she can't afford to move with no employment, if not it means we'd lose the house and have to go into rented which is great loss for us and it's unlikely we will ever own our home again. My social worker has suggested supported housing for me but at the moment in the same area (therefore same problems) or to go into less protected housing in another area but recommends against this as he says I need the support. The ideal situation would be that my mum moves and I go with her, then through the local mental health unit be taken to supported accommodation for a while with the goal of some day being able to live independently - but it seems as if it will never be a reality and I feels like I'm drowning and I won't survive to see that.

If it's such a basic human right, why is it so difficult. It would be different if I could convict the people involved in my abuse as then there are schemes to help escape and flee, but I have no proof and this would never be possible. I just want to cry, it's like this will never be over.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

(((Kas))) My heart goes out to you, having to live and breathe fear every day. Being given an advocate is HUGE! Try to 'live in' that place of a victory, the beginning of a new way of thinking!

Don't give up, and don't give in! That is my life's motto!

Take care of yourself...blessings being sent your way!
J

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Thanks CW. I don't know if there are different types of advocates therefore don't know if some are better than others - this one is from Rethink UK, my gut instinct is to believe that nothing will change, but I hope that it does and agree that nothing bad could come of it. He wants to meet with us all soon to find out how he can best help us all, I am suspicious and disbelieving but I desperately hope that something will happen.

I don't really know why I created this thread, I suppose to vent, for support and maybe to hear that it is possible for things to change, for good things to happen and things get easier but also to simply share in case any one else didn't know that safety was a basic human right. It came up twice in one day, the first was hearing about this advocate and the second was reading this:

"What is a SAFE address? An address that an abuser/perp doesn't know - a victims sanctuary it MUST be respected by ALL services/agencies"

While moving and change brings hope, it also reminds me how terrible I feel. Every time the phone rings or there's someone at the door it could be my abusers. It's been a year and a half since we cut ties and apart from bumping into people in the street (luckily never the primary abusers, just their enablers or friends/family) and phone calls, we've been lucky they haven't done anything. The longer it doesn't happen, the more I can reason it's unlike to happen, on the other hand the longer it doesn't happen the more they might decide to do something impulsively. I can't escape it in any way, there's never a break from it. I don't know whether I should lie to myself and try and reassure my self in false statements that I'm safe. On top of it all I'm in a battle where I keep trying to call myself crazy and paranoid for my constant fear or am trying to defend myself from my own berating - I'm not paranoid if it's a genuine risk, it's not just me who's scared so are my mum and sisters.

I wish I wasn't me. :(

 

[Justmehere]

I'm so so so sorry you are going through this. I don't have any advice. Sadly, human rights are stripped from people by perpetrators all over the world. It's terrible.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Thank you, I think I know that there is nothing anyone can say or do, I just keep thinking that I must be overlooking something or many something's that should be obvious and common knowledge (such as safety being important and necessary and within my rights) that would change everything.

 

[Justmehere]

I have thought and wondered many of the same things. I wish I could just claim my right to safety to be safe and actually be safe. I had to move away from my old town to get away from a perpetrator. It was very difficult and very painful. I can tell you that things are much better now than I thought they would ever be... I never thought I would make it through that first year, heck, the first month, and that I would ever get the support I needed. I worked with one victim advocate at first, who was not so helpful, and later on, a second victim advocate took over, and it really changed everything, step by step. But so many times along the way, it seemed like nothing was changing or ever would. It did. My heart goes out to you. Keep taking it one step at a time. It's not fair you have to go through this, but things will hopefully change soon.