Is there a way of changing this?How is that not a lack of emotional safety? I can't let my guard down because if I do, I'll get hurt again. I can't trust. I can't relax back into our normal dynamic before this happened. How is it safe to be close to someone who leaves at the worst possible time?
I don't know your full situation, so apologies if this post is all wrong. I can be quite black/white when it comes to my sense of loyalty or 'seeing' me. I.e if I have been hurt once by someone's lack of thought/emotional neglect, I take that to mean: danger. And that stays and I retreat and it feels like that is it: no repair to be achieved. However, we all, however wonderful we might be, will have lack of thought. And have it at times that matter to the person we just weren't present with. Doesn't mean danger. Just means human. That situation can be changed by us thinking about our trauma brains (and this only works for me when I'm not emotionally flooded), and having a calm discussion with the person about what you need in those moments (but not having that discussion in the moment, but when emotionally reflective and contained).
If you have had those discussions and he doesn't get it, then it's about what you think is appropriate in terms of staying in a relationship and accepting the limitations, or deciding it isn't right for you?
I hope you feel a sense of safety. It's horrible not feeling safe.