Santa Took My T Away

[bluebeam]

:cry:​

I meant to say that I'm feeling lonely and sad during this holiday. I cannot wait until after the new year when a certain important person gets back to work. T said I could call but I never have in over a year in therapy, so I dont want to bother her, not on time off.

 

[SimplyComplex]

Maybe you could write a letter you dont plan on sending...or go through what you might say in a session?

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

This too shall pass!! An 'unsent' letter is a good idea, like SC suggested?

 

[Srain]

Sometimes it's good to reach out, especially because we haven't in the past. Text messaging or leaving her a voice mail without expecting a response can be a sign that you are allowing trust to form in your relationship, not only your therapist but yourself as well. It can be scary but it may go a long way to healing what is broken within. Just a suggestion.

I know how lonely the holidays can get. :(

peace,
Rain

 

[SimplyComplex]

I think reaching out is good...but when they are on vacation, and it isn't an emergency...well I have avoided contact around holidays and my T's vacations. I figure I *need* them to take care of themselves so they are able to be present for me when they are working with me. I *need* them to have a solid family life (because I am learning how to from them). So I find their breaks to be as much of a hands off time as possible, unless there was an emergency.

Are there other people you could reach out to to fill the void?

 

[Srain]

I get that, and agree, but if it's an emergency then do what you need to do, that's why tdocs say it's okay to call.

 

[maddog]

Oh dear, this is no good, it seems as though Santa has been abducting them and holding them hostage all over the world! He must have some serious issues of his own, as he seems to feel he needs a whole load of them to help him to make it through the holiday season. Selfish man!

Seriously though, I think the unsent letter is a good idea - a favourite coping strategy of mine, and nobody ever has to know about it unless you choose.

Whether or not to reach out and make contact anyway has to be a very personal decision I think, based on the relationship and agreement about such things that you have with your T, your own coping style and knowledge of your true level of distress, and any alternatives you may have at your disposal. I don't think it's a case of right or wrong, but just a need to be self aware and respectful of the dynamics of the relationship that you have.

The holidays can be so horribly lonely - I truly understand that. I know we're not the same, but there are still a few of us out here reading and writing over the holiday break, so feel free to vent to us as much as you wish.

Maddog

 

[bluebeam]

I am trying to convince myself that T is having a much needed break and for crying out loud I can be tense without falling apart, too much. The thing is I feel like T is gone, and will never come back. Never, ever. Which is silly, but thats what it feels like. I did get a phone call from out of area family and they sounded like strangers. Thanks for the responses. I will try the unsent letter, it will be full of words I hope to be able to say one day.

 

[maddog]

Bluebeam. I think the tendency to catastrophise when you are feeling distressed and abandoned is pretty common - I know it is for me. "Everyone has gone, forever, terrible things will happen and I won't be able to cope alone..." etc.

I also think that times of absence of a trusted supporter can feel worse because of the whole safety net concept - the knowledge that you normally know you have that safety net if you need it, which somehow gives you an added sense of security and confidence which mean that you probably won't need it afterall. But the knowledge that that safety net is in fact not there can increase the anxiety and prompt you to feel you need it, even when you otherwise wouldn't. Sorry, not sure if that made sense.

Try to focus on the little things you are achieving and coping with in T's absence, and look forward to being able to share those with her when she returns, along with a discussion of the things you found most difficult or challenging. I know it sounds silly, but it might even help to almost think of this time as like a homework exercise - a chance for you to test out where you're at and report back later with the successes and the areas to work on, to help you map the way forward when she returns.

Sorry if that sound silly or unhelpful, but sometimes I've found that it can help a little with the sense of isolation to think that you can use the difficult time constructively, and knowing that you will be able to talk it all over soon...

And hey, another day is behind you now!

Maddog