Bookoffee
Platinum Member
Yesterday morning I was feeling giddy. My wife and I were communicating better and showing each other affection again. Before work we were able to have a small moment of what I call ‘family time’. All the animals were in the living room playing with us and we were making our weekend plans.
When I arrived at work I felt like I was a 10 year old girl. Then I started to act like her. The one I used to be. The more I tried to calm her down to get my work done, the more I became sick. I would stand up and everything would go black. I would get dizzy and would get nausea. I would try to balance myself and move forward with my work. I alerted a co-worker that this was happening. My symptoms, not that I was battling the ‘giddy’ little girl.
Another co-worker and I went on campus for our flu shot. I was so excited to be in the school and seeing the excitement on all the little kids faces. They would pile out of their classroom showing us their artwork, smiles and greetings. This just made my little girl show up more.
On the drive back to our building, my co-worker started to talk about her son’s upbringing. He grew up with my cousins, so she knows my family well. She asked me if my mother started to talk to me again. That was all I needed to break.
My flood gates opened up and I became the little girl victim. I told her that the last time we talked my mother tried to get me and my wife to go to the beach with my abusive brother. I told my mother that I can’t be around him because of his abusive behavior. She yelled at me and told me that at least he didn’t rape me. This is so hard for me to swallow and not go back to when I was raped. When I was in court with the rapist, they had defended him and I lost. They had never met him.
When I returned to the office my symptoms became worse. I started to panic so I called my wife to pick me up. I thought I had to go to the emergency room. I was not connecting my symptoms to anxiety. For the past few weeks when I stand up or bend over I become dizzy. My wife has been watching my blood pressure and that hasn’t changed. I came home and became worse. I was nausea, dizzy and dazed at the same time.
I don’t remember much else from yesterday, but this morning I woke up feeling like a 10 year old again. I started to do child like things. I have memory gaps but at 8am I sent a text to my boss wishing her kids good luck with their football games today. My boss and I were good friends before she was promoted. Sometimes I still have a hard time not crossing boundaries. I started to panic because it was so early in the morning.
I don’t know if the dizzy spells and memory gaps I have is related to DID as previously diagnosed or if I am having ‘triggers’ that bring me to my childhood that needs to healed.
When I arrived at work I felt like I was a 10 year old girl. Then I started to act like her. The one I used to be. The more I tried to calm her down to get my work done, the more I became sick. I would stand up and everything would go black. I would get dizzy and would get nausea. I would try to balance myself and move forward with my work. I alerted a co-worker that this was happening. My symptoms, not that I was battling the ‘giddy’ little girl.
Another co-worker and I went on campus for our flu shot. I was so excited to be in the school and seeing the excitement on all the little kids faces. They would pile out of their classroom showing us their artwork, smiles and greetings. This just made my little girl show up more.
On the drive back to our building, my co-worker started to talk about her son’s upbringing. He grew up with my cousins, so she knows my family well. She asked me if my mother started to talk to me again. That was all I needed to break.
My flood gates opened up and I became the little girl victim. I told her that the last time we talked my mother tried to get me and my wife to go to the beach with my abusive brother. I told my mother that I can’t be around him because of his abusive behavior. She yelled at me and told me that at least he didn’t rape me. This is so hard for me to swallow and not go back to when I was raped. When I was in court with the rapist, they had defended him and I lost. They had never met him.
When I returned to the office my symptoms became worse. I started to panic so I called my wife to pick me up. I thought I had to go to the emergency room. I was not connecting my symptoms to anxiety. For the past few weeks when I stand up or bend over I become dizzy. My wife has been watching my blood pressure and that hasn’t changed. I came home and became worse. I was nausea, dizzy and dazed at the same time.
I don’t remember much else from yesterday, but this morning I woke up feeling like a 10 year old again. I started to do child like things. I have memory gaps but at 8am I sent a text to my boss wishing her kids good luck with their football games today. My boss and I were good friends before she was promoted. Sometimes I still have a hard time not crossing boundaries. I started to panic because it was so early in the morning.
I don’t know if the dizzy spells and memory gaps I have is related to DID as previously diagnosed or if I am having ‘triggers’ that bring me to my childhood that needs to healed.
