Scared By PTSD Treatment But Having Hope

[Other]

Hello.

I recently found this forum while I was searching for information about the medications that were just prescribed for me by my doctor. I was happy to see that there is a community like this around.

I'm male, 27 years old, from the United States (Ohio). After a ten year period of isolation, I finally found the strength to seek treatment. I did not know what I had, I only knew that there was something very wrong. In particular, a panic attack that felt very severe to me landed me in the emergency room. From there, I was directed to a free counseling service as well as other social services. This has been a very difficult process for me over the past two months, since I have a hard time going to new and public places.

When my doctor told me he believed I had PTSD due to domestic violence and other types of abuse, I was a little hesitant to believe him. I had thought that PTSD was an injury that happened to those who had been in combat, or in an accident or disaster. But apparently that is not the case, and many of my symptoms are PTSD related.

Now, I feel very scared for several reasons. The medications scare me. All of the treatment scares me, because of my issues with going to unfamiliar places (even the doctor's office). But I have some hope that maybe some day I can get better. Hope that wasn't there before. And, after reading some of the posts and topics here at this forum, I feel that things can get better, if it has gotten better for others.

Thanks for listening,

Other

 

[anthony]

Welcome to the forum Other.... yes, domestic violence can cause PTSD as it is very much a trauma related instance. Sure, the majority tend to have anxiety based issues... but it is an individual mechanism that gives some PTSD over others.

 

[Mercy]

Dear Other,
Thanks for trying us out to find where you fit. You will fit in well!!! I have hope that your isolation fears will gradually lighten a little as you go for help. As you get better you may find your need to be so isolated can become less.

Welcome to the forum!

 

[blue_eyed_angel]

Welcome to the forum Other :) I am glad that you have found the forum! Knowing that there are people out there that are experiencing the same or similar situation makes you feel not so alone in the world. I know I have found this place to be a blessing. Good Luck with treatment. And I hope all goes well.

 

[dust]

Hi Other,

welcome!

dust

 

[shari]

I was like you! I could not believe it when the therapist uttered the words PTSD. I didn't believe it so much that I got a second opinion. I didn't tell the therapist about the first diagnosis, just described my symptoms, feelings, anxiety, numbing, intrusive memories, inability to sleep without reliving the abuse, memory and concentration problems etc. etc. and jumped literally out of my chair every time the phone rang or I heard the outer door open. 45 minutes later I am filling out some form checking yes or no, and hear the words PTSD again.

I thought it couldn't be true! I wasn't a veteran, hadn't been raped..."just" molested once by a stranger as a child, he didn't break bones... "just" knocked me down a lot, threw things at me, punched in walls and doors, lied and made me afraid to challenge the lies, exposed me knowingly to an STD while I was pregnant, trapped me in rooms, choked me, struck my throat once , controlled the finances, called obsessively etc. etc. etc. But he didn't break bones.

I have come a long way in my thinking since that day. Domestic Violence, is violence. Often over a period of years. If you are not being violated you are anticipating and assesing the threat of violence. Slowly, you may feel that you don't live in the present anymore but are planning ahead for how to act and behave while blocking the past from your mind. This is exhausting and takes a very huge toll.

My PTSD probably results from multiple traumas, including the child hood molestation. I don't even wonder about "why" any more or if it was "bad enough" anymore. I am too busy trying to do more than survive! I still run into therapy and beg for a different diagnosis from time to time. I want it to be Generalized Anxiety Disorder or Major Depression or something that meds will take care of and make go away. My therapist laughs at me.

If there are domestic violence shelters in your area consider contacting them. They are very experienced at helping victims of domestic violence with PTSD and can offer many services and support.

 

[Leda]

Welcome to the forum.

Starting therapy for PTSD is hard - but for me it has been the only way of getting better.

I wish you luck on your healing journey

 

[morgan]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[midi]

Hey welcome. It sometimes does take a long time for a PTSD diagnose to sink in. It's natural, I think, for many of us...

 

[Other]

Thank you for all of the hospitable welcomes.

I'll probably be trying to get used to the idea that I have PTSD for a while, I think. It has kind of become a little obsessive for me, I spend hours looking at reading material on the internet, trying my best to formulate good questions to ask when I see my therapist or doctor next. Usually, though, I've found that I'm unable to voice most of the questions I think up beforehand - I get too stressed out when I'm actually faced with a person.

On the flip side, the medication isn't as scary as I had originally thought. First couple days were very tough, I was pretty blitzed and kind of zombified. But I think I'm adjusting to them, and I'm hopeful that it will continue to get better.

shari - My therapist is very worried about the fact that I am still living with someone who caused a lot of the trauma. But my only means of support also lives with me - financial support. And the thought of going to a shelter is just as scary for me.

I also just found out that my counselor is leaving the country for some time. This is pretty devestating - I'm not sure I can handle spilling my guts to another stranger, just as I've become comfortable enough to talk to the first stranger.

Despite all of that, I have found so much great information here that I'm already very happy to have found this forum. All of you seem very understanding.

Thanks for having me.

-Other

 

[Mercy]

Hi, Other,
Welcome to the forum. We are all here to try to help and support each other. Listening to any thing you need to say is good for all of us. I think listening to other people's sorrows and also peoples' encouragement has really helped me. :hello:

 

[darkskies]

hi Other,

take comfort that your not alone here and that other people can relate to what your going through even though we all have our own individual unique experiences. ptsd is a good leveling stick and many of the symptoms you described are normal here, good to see u joined in here, all the best, darkskies