Scared My T......

[kntryldy]

OK my diagnosis is PTSD and OCD and also recently Adjustment Disorder. At my first therapy session last week, while telling my T about one of my traumas (in my mind it wasn't bad enough to be considered a trauma) I noticed a look of sheer terror on her face. She told me to start keeping a journal so that she can look at it and help me work on remembering the pieces of the memories that are missing. After that look and statement I started talking about my current anxiety issues just to try to ease the guilt I felt for scaring her.

Well yesterday I went back and had my week's worth of journal. When we came to a quiet point she asked to see it. She got a few pages in and asked, "Are you recalling a memory here about your mom?" I said, "Well yes." whatever had happened that day had triggered the memory. She read the memory and then closed the book quickly, handed it back to me and with the same look of terror as the week before stated, "I recommend you never let anyone read that. I made the mistake of reading the journal of a schizophrenic one time."

WTF?!?!?!? SO now my mind is in complete overdrive..... Did she just compare me to a schizophrenic? What was the point of the journaling if she isn't going to read it?

Has anyone else had anything similar happen to them?

 

[twinkle30]

You probably didn't scare her. Therapists here all sorts of horrible things. They are trained very well to handle those sorts of things. It might have come as a shock but don't be afraid to talk about things or not talk about them for her sake.

 

[Casey_03]

Sounds more like she just handled herself very unprofessionally and perhaps had her own issues that came out at that moment. Don't be afraid to bring this up with her and ask her directly why on earth she asked you to journal only to berate you for doing so. You've only seen this T twice? Sounds like you might be better off finding a new one, honestly.

 

[Casey_03]

I should add - I believe there are more bad, poorly trained, unprofessional Ts out there than there are good ones. In my experience, I'd say 80% of those I've seen have done more damage than good, just by being really badly trained and insensitve

 

[queen]

The simple fact that she called a person a "schizophrenic" and referenced making a "mistake" by reading their journal is enough to tell me this person is probably not a great therapist. Our goal is to reduce stigma and increase resiliency and recovery, so we would say "someone with schizophrenia" versus "a schizophrenic". It is absolutely counter-therapeutic to make someone feel bad or guilty about sharing their experiences. It flies in the face of everything we do. Also, the way she handled hearing your stories and reading parts of your journal sound like she's not well equipped to deal with your trauma. Do you know if she has any experience dealing with PTSD or in doing trauma therapy?

 

[Friday]

"I recommend you never let anyone read that." ???

WTF?

I would be looking for a new therapist.

 

[kntryldy]

The simple fact that she called a person a "schizophrenic" and referenced making a "mistake" by reading th...

Honestly I do not know anything about any of this. I do not know what her experience level is. This is my first experience with any kind of mental health anything. I am so lost in my own head I don't know if what I think is right or what.

Sorry thats the best I've got at this point. My next appointment is Wednesday so I will definately bring this up to her. Right???

 

[kntryldy]

"I recommend you never let anyone read that." ???

WTF?

I would be looking for a new therapist.[/Q...

Those were my thoughts exactly but at the same time, like I said, I am too lost. I am constantly second guessing everything I do.

 

[queen]

My next appointment is Wednesday so I will definately bring this up to her. Right???

The reason I asked if she's got any experience with trauma is that, it can be very easy for someone to further traumatize a client if they are not well-trained. It sounds like she dealt with you at best very insensitively, but at worst this could be enough for some people to write off therapy and therapists for good. If you feel comfortable, I would let her know how these incidents made you feel, ask her what her experience is in treating trauma/PTSD, and what her comfort level is in doing so. These are completely legitimate questions to ask a therapist. My guess is that you will learn a lot from that conversation not only by what she says, but how she responds to you, which will help you determine if you continue to see her. If you don't, it would be a good idea to look for someone who specializes in PTSD/trauma therapy.

 

[Ronin]

I am constantly second guessing everything I do.

The more reason to find someone who won't manipulate you & guilt trip you for simple things like being human, as theirs input is not one that would benefit you.

 

[kntryldy]

Thank you so much to everyone. I still have a lot of anxiety, scared of what diagnoses will come next, but knowing it was okay for me to be EXTREMELY uncomfortable with the situation helps a lot. All of this PTSD is brand new to me and to my supporters so when I ask them they are as clueless as I. LOL I guess it helps in a way that way I can explain to them what will help me best versus what helped their uncle that had the same diagnoses. Again thank you so much for the quick replies. It's great to know I can come here and someone can ACTUALLY relate and know how I feel.

 

[Ronin]

If it helps, I wouldn't take some hot 'diagnosis' at a face value.

Diagnostic process doesn't work that way, it's not mind reading.

& people without serious background in traumatic & dissociative disorders specifically get things awfully wrong rather often.

& more over, even the best diagnostician is 'just' human; they can be wrong.

Or they may be right but not helpful to you.

Or they may be right and helpful for you but not in the respects you need most. Etc.

There's so many variables, and one bad therapist (or a team of, or two....) aren't the last stop you need to stop shopping at :)