Scared My T......

[Friday]

Those were my thoughts exactly but at the same time, like I said, I am too lost. I am constantly second...

It really, really bothers me that your therapist is scared of your past and is pushing you to hide it because of an implied damage it could do others. :rolleyes::mad::banghead:

Ummm... You actually lived it. You're seeking help for dealing with what you actually lived.

There's a really awesome post in here somewhere about how sympathy is not useful with PTSD. I'm so sorry/ that's so awful/ etc. is plain and simple not useful. It does absolutely nothing to help a person process & learn & move forward, and can do a lot of harm. Aha! Found it :) Sympathy - It Is Creeping Back Here. It strikes me that what your therapist is doing is very much like an extreme form of this; instead of helping you get a handle on things? She's recoiling, which does nothing useful, and many things harmful. IMO she is in absolutely the wrong field.

Snort. Yeah. Not being able to trust my own judgement is my absolute favorite part of PTSD. <sarcasm font needed>.

Go with your gut on this one. She's the wrong person to help you.

& yeah.... Been there a lot. In certain parts of the world my trauma history is really common. There, I can get help from all kinds of people, who've lived it, worked with it, are completely nonplussed by it. Here? I've been either looked at like a comic book hero/villain, straight up called a liar, and told XYZ (which is not helpful to me & my trauma) IS helpful... Just because it's helpful to people with a radically different trauma. Ummmmm. NO. 1,000x no.

Being with someone who understands? Who is not afraid, excited (turned on by "getting" to work with something they haven't before), ignorant? Is baseline. The absolute bare minimum required = understanding.

 

[scout86]

If you can, I think I'd start the next session by asking about her qualifications and experience. I share everyone else's doubts about her.

I had a incident, fairly early on, where my T got tears in his eyes because of something I'd said. Kind of freaked me out. I point blank asked him if he was ok. He said that he was. That he cries kind of easy, not to worry, he can handle it. He can, actually. But he has NEVER given me any indication there's something he's not willing to hear and he point blank told me there's nothing I can say that he can't hear. But, I felt like we needed to talk about it because I tend to try to "protect" people and there was no way this was going to work if I had to protect HIM.

He has, once or twice, mentioned that there are times when I "might want to be careful what I said to other people in his line of work". At the time, there was a chance changes in his work situation were going to mean I'd have to find a different T. And, I kind of think part of his point was to look out for people like the one you're working with.

Maybe not, maybe this will be fine. But, it would be interesting to know how much trauma experience she has.

 

[joeylittle]

Get a new therapist. Assuming you relayed this to us verbatim, as it happened - there's honestly no point in continuing with her. She isn't qualified, plain and simple.

If you keep the appointment use it to discuss any referrals she can give you.

Or, go on to the listings at Psychology Today (they have a huge therapist index), search for your area, make a list of 5 likely-sounding options, and start interviewing. Most therapists will do a phone consult for free to see if it's a good fit.

 

[Neverthesame]

I don't know if this will make much sense. Sorry if it doesn't.

I honestly would up and walk out of a therapist's office, if I received a reaction like yours gave you.

My reasoning for this is simple.

One of the small but super important lessons you learn as an EMT about patient care is. No matter how bad it is, gross, horrible, smelly, sad, awful, desperate, gory, etc, etc.

Keep yourself professional. No matter what you really think or feel. The patient needs you to be strong and confident that everything is fine.

If you take a look at the patient and say "Oh Shit!" or "Oh my God, what the hell is that!?" or "Eeeeeeeek!" or "Eww gross!"

You will be doing the patient a huge disservice at best, freaking them out and sending them into a massive panic at worst. Not good, not helpful.

Your therapist is someone you are paying to help you sort out the awful shit in your head. They went to school to do this. They are supposed to conduct themselves in a manner which will support you through the unpleasantness of digging up and dealing with the horrors of your past.

That therapist did you a huge disservice in what they said to you. Totally unacceptable. See how it has you asking the question of "I didn't realize my past was so horrible?"

All this is going to do for you, is make you less confident in yourself. Inflating the weight of the trauma is the exact opposite of what therapy is supposed be doing.

Seriously livid, gah. How do these people get licensed?

Sorry, calm now.

I agree with everyone who has said to find a different therapist, they are out there. And they absolutely can help. Don't be afraid to shop around. You are bound to find one that can act like the professional, they are supposed to be. One that will actually help you.

Edit: In my heated mood, while writing this I failed to mention something rather important.

If you were ready to share what it was with your unprofessional T. Then it also means that whatever it was, you were probably feeling ready to face it.

Which means that it can be faced, and worked on. Don't let one silly fool dishearten you. No matter how bad, if you can face it, that only shows how much strength you really have.